Review: Audition (1999)

"If you like creepy chicks, vomit-eating, and painful-to-watch torture, then you'll love this movie!"

In Attendance- Me, Eryn, Machine
Cast Members of Note- The always awesome Ryo Ibiashi, and the beautiful yet creepy Eihi Shiina. Directed by the incomparable Takashi Miike.

Aoyama is a recently widowed film producer/dad that really wants to get laid, so naturally he does what any film producer worth their salt would do; he turns to the casting couch to find some young, dumb chicks to snork. It's not abuse of power people, it's utilizing your resources to the fullest. That's what proactive thinkers do.

"You too ugly. Next!"

After slogging through a bunch of un-shaggable chicks, he eventually meets Asami, a sweet, hot, and creepy little slip of a woman, and he zeroes in on her for the kill. She seems to take a liking to him immediately, and despite his co-worker's warning of "she creeps me out," Aoyama takes full advantage of her.

Extremely creepy.

All seems to be going well between them at first, including (but not limited to) nice dinners, talk of loving each other, romantic weekend getaways.. but too bad Asami is insane. When Aoyama makes the mistake of not calling her for a few days after he scores, she wigs out and unleashes upon him things that no man deserves to have done to them... Well, most men don't. There's a limit, folks.

Yes, some of those things do involve this wire.

Audition is an exercise in master filmmaking, plain and simple. Miike is a director like David Lynch, in that he is completely "out there" with his narratives and ideas, but there's always a method to his madness which he unveils using uncomfortable violence and imagery. To say that this movie is brutal is an understatement. I can see some hardcore Horror fans shrugging it off and saying that they've seen worse, because nothing bothers them, but those guys are mostly tools. I've seen worse too, but this movie is definitely at the top of the list as far as uncomfortable movie experiences go.

It's interesting that for the most part, the first 2/3 of this movie is essentially a drama; maybe a hint of what to come can be seen here and there, but for the most part, Miike plays it straight early on... right up until the third act when he swings his "mighty hammer of WTF?!?" and knocks the wind right out of us.
 

You don't even want to know what's in that bag.

I know dating is tough, but you have to learn to trust a little bit more, Asami. Sure, you were abused when you were seven, and sure, guys sleep with you and then never call you back, but that doesn't give you the right to give up on love! Follow your heart,woman!

Why always the dog!?! Can't someone in these movies kill a fucking parakeet or something for a change? Christ!

Poor little Gangu is playing dead forever now...

 

Oh yeah, this movie has plenty of disturbing and nasty stuff in it to leave you wanting no more. Needle torture, wire torture, vomit eating, decapitated corpses, dog violence... Audition is not for even the remotely squeamish.

No nakie nakie.

"Kiri, kiri, kiri!" One of the most disturbing lines/sounds I've ever heard, in any movie. Ever.

"Pleeth! I thwear I wonth thell anyoneth!"

 

All women are insane. Also, Takashi Miike is insane. He's pretty brilliant too.

Audition is a fantastic film that will stay with you long after you watch it. It's beautiful, painful, and in some parts, it's downright nauseating. This movie deserves to be in every Horror collection, and if you haven't seen it yet, you're truly missing out one of the more recent classics of the Genre.

A+

Audition is available now on Blu-ray, DVD, and VOD.

All hail Takashi Miike, a true master of Horror Cinema.