Blu-ray Review: Ghosts of Mars (2001)

"A guilty pleasure of the highest order."

(aka Big Daddy Mars.)
Release Date: August 24th, 2001.
Country: USA.
Rating: R.
Written by: Larry Sulkis and John Carpenter.
Directed by: John Carpenter.
Starring: Natasha Henstridge, Ice Cube, Jason Statham, Clea Duvall, Pam Grier, and Joanna Cassidy.

Of all the movies that John Carpenter has directed over the curse of his career, none has met with more negativity than Ghosts of Mars, and I just don't understand the hate. I mean I understand it, because this is not one of his better efforts, and it's got all kinds of script issues, but it's still one hell of a fun flick, flaws and all.

In 2176 A.D., Mars has been colonized by 640,000 human beings, and has been 84% terraformed. Society is Matriarchal on Mars, which means that women are in charge, which means that shit is bound to go wrong, because we all know that men do stuff better. I'm kidding, feminists, calm down. Everything is going just fine on Mars.

I'M KIDDING, NATASHA!

During a routine dig, some miners uncover a doorway buried deep beneath the mars (we use the term "the earth" to describe the ground here on Earth, so it seems fitting), and unwittingly unleash some evil spirits that have been hidden away for centuries. Not sure how anyone on Mars knows any of this, because there's no way that anyone could "know" that kind of thing since it takes the ghosts 10 seconds to overwhelm the camp and possess the miners, but we digress.

[LOUD GIBBERISH INTENSIFIES]

A team of Mars Police arrive at the Shining Canyon outpost to transport the murderous criminal Desolation Williams to the outpost of Chryse, to stand trial for his crimes. The normally bustling outpost is appears to be deserted, which is because those very same Ghost of Mars have shown up, possessed everyone in town, and turned them into some kind of a defense mechanism for the planet to use to repel invaders.

LISTEN, THE STORY DOESN'T MAKE MUCH SENSE TO US EITHER, JUST GO WITH IT.

So it's basically humans vs. the ghosts of ancient martians, who all look like members of a Norwegian Death Metal band, who have all been heavily body-modded with sharp instruments and barbed wire.

SHE APPARENTLY DOESN'T LIKE NORWEGIAN DEATH METAL.

I can totally see why Ghosts of Mars has been so derided by critics and audiences alike. The script is messy and plagued with bad dialogue; the acting isn't exactly the best; there's plot-holes galore (why do they keep shooting the "ghosts" when they know doing so will release them from their hosts, and put themselves at risk for being possessed) throughout; the whole flashback within a flashback within a flashback feels odd; drugs dispel the ghosts from their host, which kind of sends a pro-drug message...

But you know what? This is still one hell of a fun movie, flaws and all. It's not a "So bad it's good" type of fun, because it's not that bad to begin with, but it's definitely a "I don't know what in the hell went wrong with this movie, but I like it!" kind of thing. Big stupid action is what it is.

The cast is pretty great in this one, and they did their best with the material that they were given. Not only did Ghosts of Mars feature Natasha Henstridge in her prime, but it was one of Jason Statham's first roles. It also features 70's icon Pam Grier; N.W.A. founder Ice Cube; Carpenter mainstay Peter Jason makes an appearance; and it's even got Joanna Cassidy and Robert Carradine.

"FUCK THE POLICE, HUH, CUBE?"

Some of the dialogue in this movie made us cringe. For example, when Pam Grier yells "Who goes there!" at a fleeing shadow, we wondered if they wanted it to play cheesy, or if it just somehow got away from them.

HE HAD THE BEST DIALOGUE OF THEM ALL.

Ice Cube has said that Ghosts of Mars is the worst movie that he ever made, which begs the question: Has he ever seen his other films like Are We There Yet?; Are We Done Yet?: Dangerous Ground; Ride Along; Ride Along 2; First Sunday; Torque; All About the Benjamins; or Lottery Ticket?

We love Cube, but he's starred in some shitty movies over the years, and every single one of them listed above is way worse that Ghosts of Mars.

YEAH, I SAID IT.

Most of the gore in this one is of the quick-cut variety, but there are some cool decapitations and slashings throughout.

THIS REMINDS US OF IN THE MOUTH OF MADNESS. NOT SURE WHY.

No sex or nudity in this one. Natasha Henstridge looks great in a tank top though.

THE MOUNDS OF MARS.

Courtney Love was originally set to play the role Ballard until she hurt her foot and was replaced by Natasha Henstridge at the last minute. True Story.

WE'RE GLAD WE GOT NATASHA THOUGH. WHAT A QT.

Yes, Ghosts of Mars would have been a way better movie if someone had taken another pass or two at the script and tightened it up a bit, but as it stands, it's a fun B-movie that deserves far more love than it gets... or at least far less hate. If we were grading this movie like we normally do, it would probably be an objective C, although as far as its fun-factor goes, it's more of a B+.

As it stands though, this is a Guilty Pleasure of the highest order. Watch accordingly. 

Ghosts of Mars is available now on Blu-ray, DVD, and VOD.

Natasha Henstridge was one of the best Horror Hotties of the 90's.