The Cabin in the Woods (2012)

(aka Geek-gasm!: The Motion Picture.)
Release Date:  In theaters now.
Written by: Joss Whedon and Drew Goddard.
Directed by: Drew Goddard.
Starring: Chris Hemsworth, Kristen Connolly, Anna Hutchison, Fran Kranz, Jesse Williams, Richard Jenkins and Bradley Whitford.

Here there be no spoilers. 

There's honestly not a lot we can say about this movie without ruining the experience for you, so we are going to keep plot discussion to a minimum. Cabin is such a good, fun, and unique movie, that spoiling it feels like it would be a sin; even certain single words would spoil the fun for the uninitiated, and that would really suck.

Aside from what we saw in the movie's first trailer, we went out of our way to avoid any and all info on Cabin in the Woods, and that's a near impossible feat for us; we're very curious, and we are even more weak when it comes to avoiding online spoilers.

We're really glad that we went into this one knowing as little about it as we did. The trailers give a lot of the movie away, including some of the character's deaths... so, you should just avoid them altogether.

Here's what we will say: Cabin in the Woods is the story of 5 College Students that head to a cabin (in the woods) for some partying, and things go terribly wrong. Sounds familiar, right? Well it's not... and that's all you need to know. Trust us, just go see the movie and let the story unfold naturally for you.

The Puppeteers.

It's hard to find a Horror movie these days (especially in a Theater, mind you) that inspires as much excitement and fun as Cabin in the Woods does; this movie is to the 2010's what Scream was to the 90's, though Cabin was far less tongue-in-cheek about things. It's definitely got a lot of humor, which works well, but the movie itself operates on a darker level.

There are tons of nods to other movies and myth's that Fanboys everywhere will love. Again we can't really spoil it, but it's like a crazy melting pot full of Horror, Sci-Fi and Fantasy, with a liberal dose of "breaking the 4th wall" thrown in for good measure. There's even an appearance by an all-time genre great thrown into the mix (avoid reading the cast list on to IMDB, because it was a fun surprise for us.)

Those crazy kids!

The script and its story were superb, and had our minds scrambling just to keep up with the scope of it all. Joss Whedon definitely knows how to make we movie geeks froth at the mouth, and we can't wait to see what he did with The Avengers. Drew Goddard is no slouch either; the long time Whedon collaborator delivers the goods with his first directorial effort, and he's going to go on to do more great things, we just know it. They've given us one of the best conceptualized and most sharply written movies of this decade, and there's no end to the praise they deserve for this little genre gem.

Let's take a second to talk about the cast; everyone involved did a great job here, but for us it was Bradley Whitford and Richard Jenkins that stole the show. We're long time fans of Whitford's since his West Wing days, and he really delivers some of the movies best (and funniest) lines. Jenkins is one of the best character actors ever, and he delivers the comic goods too, though a bit more dryly that Whitford. Everyone here was aces.

Boner in the Woods.

It ended. We wanted more, more, more, but we were robbed! We are seriously hoping that when it hits Blu-ray that it's loaded with tons of special features and deleted scenes, because we'll eat them up like people who are real, real hungry! Seriously, we really wish it had run for about 2 hours; the "big" scene near the end could have been 30 minutes by itself and we would have loved it. Also, we need more of Fornicus... maybe let's give him his own movie, right Joss? Drew? Whoever! Just make it happen.

The Strangers?

Stabbing, decapitation, impaling, bear traps, vomiting, bleeding, blood spraying, blood smearing, dismembered corpses, zombie gut-munching, gun violence, and one scene of awesomeness that we won't spoil, that happens during a bigger scene which we wont ruin either, that involves a... horn. That's all you get. There's blood and gore everywhere in this one. It's bloody heaven.

Ooh, a zombie movie... but not.

We actually get to see some titties! There's also some sexy dancing and general whoring by the blond chick, but nothing gets too crazy. One scene involving said whorish blond kissing a wolf's head was... oddly hot. It made us feel creepy and ashamed. And oddly hot.

She is a bad, bad girl.

"More than anything, I just want this moment to end."
"Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck You!"

The A-Team. (Look, it's Fred!)

I know this review makes it sound like we're fellating this movie, and maybe we are, but it was way too good and far too much fun for us to be coy about it. As genre fans, you owe it to yourself, and the filmmakers, to go to the Theater and experience this movie; it's the kind that doesn't come around too often, and it deserves our love. Cabin in the Woods is destined to land at the top of many a "best of" list come the end of the year. It's already at the top of ours. For now.

A+

Joss Whedon sure knows how to fill his movies with hot chicks, and that's the truth! Now if only he got Scarlett to go topless in The Avengers...