April 19, 2012

Monsters in the Woods (2012)

Let me just say this before anything else; I love Glenn Plummer. His performance in South Central (1992) alone was a thing of beauty, and he's been in a bunch of cool movies since then, and he always holds it down. That being said, why in the hell was he involved with this poop-knuckle of a movie?

Monsters in the Woods is the story of a film production crew (out in the woods) who are doing a few re-shoots for an already completed movie. The director thinks the movie is perfect as is, but the Studio wants more sex and blood or his movie will never be released!

So yeah, it's kind of a meditation on the evil Hollywood Exec killing the creative spirit of the Artist, I suppose?

This being the creative spirit?
Here's where things go all wonky.

When the film crew accidentally kills the director, they decide to finish the re-shoots instead of, I don't know, calling the Police and being glad that they don't have to act in this shitty movie anymore. Yeah. As they try to complete the movie, they are attacked by a pack of "Devil Dogs from Hell" which are spawned by a Vagina Cave. Bravo (Yes, there's a guy named Bravo in the movie), has apparently made a pact with The Devil to kill the film crew and let him take their souls in return for allowing this movie to be made. This crappy, Z-grade movie. Sure.

Then some Angels from Heaven show up and everyone tries to close the Vagina Cave, because it's the entrance to hell.

...and you thought we were kidding.
This movie is just bad. The acting is terrible, even from the aforementioned Glenn Plummer, which is sad. The script... it's nonsensical in plot and dialogue. One Actress asks her fellow Actor "who are you?" and the guy responds "I'm an actor." Come on. It gets worse than that, but you get the point. If you've got no money to work with, you have to make the script tight or don't bother to make the movie. The direction, the production, it's all a shoddy mess.

At least she finally shut up.
It's not truly devoid of anything entertaining, it has it's moments, but they are few and far between and what is bad is bad enough to make you shake your head.  Aside from some hot chicks and a bit of gratuitous nudity, there's really not much to this movie.

At least we get some hot chicks to look at throughout the movie. That's something, I guess.


  1. Whatever you do, don't type 'vagina cave' into google image search. That which is seen cannot be unseen.