April 26, 2009

Quick Review: The Caretaker (2008)

"A group of teenage boys out to give their girlfriends a good scare on Homecoming night, which also happens to be Halloween, head to an abandoned house in an out-of-the-way fruit orchard where they uncover the story of a real life urban legend."
Why do I always fall for the Straight-to-DVD garbage like this? I can live with small budgets and minimalism, as long as the movie has heart. I also don't mind lack of heart if the blood and gore is palpable, or the movie is exciting. Alas, nothing in this movie made any sense, the acting and story were equally awful, it wasn't exciting, and the gore was kept to an unimpressive minimum.

Those pumpkins tho...
  • Judd Nelson? What the hell happened to his career?
  • Jennifer Tilly is the best part of this movie, and even she's horrible.
  • "Your loss is my gain, muscle boy." What kind of dialogue is that?
  • How can a Teen Slasher flick have gratuitous amounts of boobage on display, and yet barely any blood?
  • What was with "Rapey" the limo driver? He was so skeevy I thought that I was gonna get raped.
  • The blond chick was hot.
  • What a horrible, HORRIBLE ending.

Pumpkins, I say!
For a movie that claimed "The teen slasher film is back!" about itself, this is one really lame teen slasher. After seeing The Caretaker, I felt as if I needed someone to take care of me, and not in a good way. Avoid this one unless you like really bad movies.

Not even attractive ladies and quality nudity could save this movie...

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