DVD Review: Children of the Corn (1984)

In Attendance- Me, Eryn, and The Vanilla G. Nick had to go to bed.
Cast Members of Note- Peter Horton, Linda Hamilton, and Courtney Gaines.

The horrors of worshiping the God of Corn takes its toll on a small Nebraska town, and drives all of the kids insane. They kill all of the town's adults in the name of the holy maize, and then start offing each other once they turn 19. It's odd though, because their creepy kid leader Issac looks like he's 50, and no one ever questions him about it...

18 my ass!

When Sarah Conner and her boyfriend hit a of the kid on the highway while driving through Asshole Nebraska, they pretty much end all hopes he had of escaping to Kansas (they worship the Beet God there, and he's a far more gentle and understanding deity.) The couple throws the kids carcass into the trunk, and heads into corn-town to report their heinous crime. Am I alone here in saying that I would have rolled the corpse into the cornfield, and drove the hell on?

Don't, don't, don't believe the hype!

It doesn't take long before Sarah and her man figure out that something is wrong with the small town. Before they can leave though, the corn strikes out against them, ordering Sarah Conner kidnapped and hung on a corn cross! "He who walk behind the rows" doesn't play around! I won't spoil what comes next for you here other than to say "Oh, that crazy Malachai!"

Shun the non-believers...shun!

 

COTC is definitely an 80's classic, and though it does have its flaws, it still works fairly well some 25+ years later. Maybe the best thing about the movie is the villainous little creep, Malachai; he's truly one of the most iconic 80's Horror baddies. Isaac is pretty creepy too, mainly because he looks like he's 50.

This movie is a lot of fun to sit an watch, but don't expect too many scares. The concept of "He who walks behind the rows" is an interesting one though, especially when "He" makes his presence known in an almost evil gopher-like way. I think Tremors totally ripped this movie off. 

Ah, America's Heartland.

The special effects towards the end are pretty laughable, especially the big reveal of "He who walks." It almost looks like a giant flaming carrot, only a crappy, not-all-that-scary version of one. I guess for a low budget slasher flick from the 80's you can't expect too much FX wise... 

Pretty sure they did that with a Commodore Vic-20.

The Sci-Fi Channel is remaking this. Yeah.

They don't look happy.

There's a little bit of bloodshed to be had here, but it's mostly on the light side of the gore fence.

All those rusty weapons, and so little blood.

 

It's a movie about kids, you perv! 

Slow children?

"Malachai! He wants you too, Malachai" or "Outlander! We have your woman, outlander!" *They repeat a lot of words in their dialogue.

Never go to Nebraska. Also, If you're already in Nebraska, leave now.

She went to Nebrska. Stayed there too.

This one is a mixed bag; I can totally see how some people wouldn't like it at all, but then again, I think it's a classic that should be seen by all Horror fans. If you've never seen it, grab a copy and enjoy the cheesy goodness of 80's Horror.

B-

Children of the Corn is available now on Blu-ray, DVD, and VOD.

Once upon a time, Linda Hamilton was really hot, and then she went and married James Cameron... and now she's dead to us.