Theatrical Review: The Girl in the Photographs (2016)

"Wes Craven deserved better than this."

Colleen is a cashier at a grocery store in Spearfish, South Dakota. She has a pushy ex-boyfriend who won't leave her alone, and she's just uninspired in general. When someone starts sending her pictures of what looks to be murdered young girls though, things at least get a little more exciting for her. And terrifying.

YOU'RE NEXT.

The Cops think she's overreacting, and that the photographs are probably fakes. This is because they're shitty Cops. Of course they are real, and there are two creepers out there abducting young girls, locking them in cages, and feeding them cat food like they're actually cats. Then, they kill them. Why? Who knows. The movie never bothers to explain any of that.

HE ACTUALLY CALLS HER KITTY.

There's also a douchey, hipster fuck-bag of a Photographer who returns to Spearfish (he's coincidentally from there) when he realizes that the killers are posing their victims to mimic his own photographs. Why are they doing this? Again, we have no idea. Whoever wrote this movie didn't seem to be too concerned with answering pesky little questions like "What's going on?" or "Why are these things happening?"

I guess that's what we get for asking questions.

YOU CAN'T HIDE FROM A SHITTY SCRIPT, HONEY.

This is a movie that we really wanted to enjoy a lot more than we did, but it had issues.

At least legendary cinematographer Dean Cudney (Halloween, The Fog, Escape From New York, and about 100 other great movies) made this movie looks sharp; the killers when masked and silent, were effectively creepy; and the cast did a decent job overall with the material. We especially liked Claudia Lee, even if her character wasn't exactly sympathetic.

THAT'S PRETTY MUCH HOW WE WATCHED THIS ONE.

As for those issues...  

• Chief amongst them, it had a hard time maintaining any intensity. The tone was all over the place; one minute, it's going for terror, and the next, it's trying to be some sort of black comedy. It never really managed to be either.
• Also on the intensity note, it's hard to build any when you're characters aren't all that likable or sympathetic. 
• The Cops were totally inept in this one. Girls are missing, and grisly photographs of them keep showing up wherever another young girl happens to be, and they do nothing. 
• Kal Penn's character was grating, but he was also kinda funny at times, which made the whole thing even more grating. 
• The killers stand around and look creepy a lot, which is cool, but many of those times it felt as if they were doing so for no reason... other than because it looked cool on camera. 
• Mitch Pileggi was totally wasted in his small role as Sheriff. 
• And who was the actual girl in the photographs? At the beginning, it was Katharine Isabelle; throughout the movie, it was other girls; and by the end, it was yet another girl... so what the hell does the title imply? It should have been called The GIRLS in the Photographs.
  

SHE'LL NEVER GET TO EAT THAT FRUIT CUP...

They should have left the killers masked. Showing them as normal people killed the creepy vibe that they gave off when their faces were blank and unmoving. For me, humanizing them just killed their sinister impact.

CREEPY.

The kills in this movie are down and dirty, most of which involve stabbing or throats being cut.

THAT'S THE STUFF.

The lovely Autumn Kendrick bares it all in a sex scene.

THIS IS WHAT SUPERMODELS DO WHEN THEY'RE BORED.

As a final project, Wes Craven deserved far better than this.

THERE SHE IS, HIDING AGAIN. THIS TIME, IN SHAME!

The Girl in the Photographs isn't a bad movie, but it sure is one that misses the mark by a mile. It looks slick, and it tries to get some creepy intensity going throughout, but overall, it's too tonally confused to maintain an of that intensity for very long.

We would have much rather checked this one out on VOD than running to the theater to see it, so if you're curious about it, we suggest that you stay home and give it a rent. Unless you really like theaters, and it's playing somewhere near you. Then, have at it,

C-

The Girl in the Photographs is in Theaters (Limited), and on VOD now.

The lovely ladies of The Girl in the Photographs are so lovely, that they demanded their own Horror Hottie post, which you can find right over HERE.