October 31, 2008
Some Witches will scare the fuck out of you. They will make you pee your bed when you're a kid, and carry the dark shame with you all the next day at school, all the while hiding in your closet just waiting for you to fall asleep the next night.
Some Witches are whores. It's true, some of them dress all slutty and have captivating cleavage that makes you rub the TV screen and whisper "Someday... Someday." This is all a part of their charm.
Some Witches are adorable. They make you fall in love with them when you're in 7th grade, prompting you to write letters to them; cast love spells made from a concoction of Prell, teddy bear fuzz and ginger ale; or take a running dive off of your garage on a broom, because you jsut know that you can fly if you only believe... Bitch.
Some Witches are evil. Oh, they're out there, the fiendish ones, hiding in your VCR, talking in badly dubbed English and making you never want to trust Italian film makers again. Then again, who really trusts them anyways?
Some Witches are tricky. They seem all hot and innocent, but guess what? They aren't really a music student with a cat, they're one of the Three Mothers (just like the creepy old bitch above the hot one), and they want to rip your fucking face off.
Some witches are lame. They pray to trees and shit. Yeah.
Some Witches don't look like Witches at all. These are the best kind, as evidenced by Sabrina the Teenage Witch; she hates clothes, and I fully support her not wearing them.
Love them, fear them, have illicit thoughts of them, it doesnt matter; in one way or another, they will mess you up for life.
The Best of Each Decade (Synopsis of the 31 Days.)
How we Picked Em' (Our criteria.)
The Honorable Mentions (Those that failed to make the cut...)
***The Master List*** (For quick reference...)
The Countdown of the 31 best movies of the 70's, 80's, 90's, and 2000's:
The creepiest day of the year is finally here! I hope everyone gets plenty of tricks and treats, and gets the hell scared out of them at least once :)
October absolutely flew by, and I'm torn about how I feel...
On one hand, I'm glad; doing the 31 Days of Horror was a blast, but it took a ton of time gathering, formatting and creating every post. It also gave me less time to do our normal reviews and posts...
On the other hand, I'm sad, because this was a hell of a lot of fun. Compiling the lists gave me a chance to revisit a ton of old favorites, and posting them gave me the chance to make some new friends, and introduce them to some movies they haven't seen or even heard of in some cases. .
This blog went public in July, and was set up for my friends and I to have some fun with horror; since then, we've had thousands of visitors with some pretty nice things to say, and it's awesome that our little horror club has grown. It's awesome how tight the horror community is, and in the month's ahead, I'm definitely going to be adding some other sites to our link lists so that we can all become tighter.
Our top 31 lists weren't perfect, but I think they were pretty good for the most part. I think we gave some props to a bunch of excellent flicks, an I hope you had fun with them like we did... and I hope you check out every last one of those movies, whether you end up loving or hating them. That's really what it's all about, isn't it?
We will be back to normal after this weekend; reviews, rants, Horror Hotties, remakes, "coming soon's"... so strap yourselves in and hang on! Oh, and don't forget that in December we will have our Best/Worst of 2008.... woo!
I'm going to creep myself out now.
The Devil, a nightmare, a cannibal, and a sick and twisted bitch...
The Exorcist (1973)- This is the best horror movie ever made. It is the Godfather of horror, and it's like will never be seen again. Linda Blair is amazing as Regan, the little girl who gets possessed by the demon Pazuzu/The Devil... and Mercedes McCambridge is FANTASTIC as the voice of the demon; this is really the only movie that still terrifies me as an adult. Full of classic scenes, classic lines and nightmarish visuals, this is the movie to beat for horror's heavyweight crown.
A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)- Freddy wasn't always witty and pre-equipped with cheesy one liners; once upon a time he was absolutely terrifying. The first NOES was an exorcise in terror... dark, atmospheric, creepy and downright nightmarish. Robert Englund made an all time classic horror icon in Freddy, making millions afraid to fall asleep and dream. This may be my second favorite horror flick of all time, although that's a tough decision. Either way, this is one of the absolute best.
Silence of the Lambs (1991)- Hannibal Lecter is one of the best villains to ever grace the silver screen, and Silence of the Lambs is one of the best movies ever made. We get not one, but two serial killers, each playing their own sick game, and terrifying us in the process. Even though Lecter is locked up for most of the movie, he still makes us feel uneasy... and when he gets free... well damn if he doesn't do some messy shit! this movie may be horrors greatest moment; it's not every day that one of our films wins the Academy Award for best picture.
Inside (2007)- What? What in the hell is A L'interieur (Inside)? It's one of the most disturbing and yet beautiful films I've ever seen, that's what. A single mother about to give birth fights for her life when a mysterious woman shows up at her house, demanding to be given the baby inside of her... I cant tell you the last time, or anytime for that matter, that a movie f'd me up this bad. Inside is brutal, twisted, messy, bloody, disturbing, horrific and absolutely engaging... and yet it's a well made film that has a sad and even beautiful undertone. You need to see this one, but I warn you; this is a tough movie for women to stomach, as the subject matter is not nice at all. Proceed with caution.
And that's a wrap!
Yes, it seems as if Hollywood is happy to continue abusing my childhood memories, and a remake of My Bloody Valentine is the next "you know you deserve this!" slap in the mouth. A 3-D slap none the less. Seriously.
Now I'm not totally against this remake for one simple reason; the 1981 original was a great film, but it was heavily censored in the U.S., so we never really got the full impact that it could have delivered had it been released with all of the blood and gore in tact. While the remake at least promises to be a bloody R-Rated romp, two things bother me; the first of which is the plot...
Ten years ago, a tragedy changed the town of Harmony forever. Tom Hanniger, an inexperienced coal miner, caused an accident in the tunnels that trapped and killed five men and sent the only survivor, Harry Warden, into a permanent coma. But Harry Warden wanted revenge. Exactly one year later, on Valentine's Day, he woke up... and brutally murdered twenty-two people with a pick-axe before being killed.
Ten years later, Tom Hanniger returns to Harmony on Valentine's Day, still haunted by the deaths he caused. Struggling to make amends with his past, he grapples with unresolved feelings for his ex-girlfriend, Sarah, who is now married to his best friend, Axel, the town sheriff. But tonight, after years of peace, something from Harmony's dark past has returned. Wearing a miner's mask and armed with a pick-axe, an unstoppable killer is on the loose. And as his footsteps come ever closer, Tom, Sarah and Axel realize in terror that it just might be Harry Warden who's come back to claim them...?It just sounds lame compared to the original, then again maybe I'm just being a horror snob. Horror worked so well back in the 80's because it was simpler; film makers were forced to be creative due to limited budgets, which also gave the films a grittier look.
The second thing that bothers me is the fact that the movie is going to be 3-D. It seems like a gimmick to me, and I'm fine with that, as long as it's not the only damn selling point of the movie. The trailer looks pretty good, but the way they're selling the 3-D is kinda sad:
Release date- January 16th, 2009
Verdict- The Jury is out on this one, as it could honestly go either way. This will be an epic win, or an epic fail.
October 30, 2008
Halloween (1978)- OMG, this isn't the #1 horror movie of the 70's??? No, but it is perhaps the quintessential movie to watch on Halloween (and not just because of it's name), and the best slasher movie ever made. The themes song to this day gives me the creeps... I once had it as my ring tone, but it made me cry when I'd get calls at night, so... Carpenter gives us his best film here, one with no flaws and maximum horror. Michael is the quintessential bogeyman, and Halloween is the quintessential horror movie.
Hellraiser (1987)- Clive Barker, I love you; if that makes me gay, I don't care! You have given us many great nightmares, both on paper and celluloid, but none greater than Pinhead, his Cenobites and the uber wicked puzzle box. With some of the best writing of any horror film I've ever seen, quotes like "The box. You opened it. We came. ", "No tears, please. It's a waste of good suffering", and "We have such sights to show you!", have stuck with us over the years, and through many sequels. Plain and simple, Hellraiser is a brilliant concept and film.
Se7en (1995)- Ok, I know that some of you are saying, "WTF?!? A Brad Pitt movie at #2?" Make no mistake, this is a horror movie, it's just disguised as a high end work of art. A brilliant movie with brilliant performances, direction and cinematography, not to mention story, Se7en is a hellish ride through a dark city plagued by the murders of a serial killer... Hollywood gets it right now and then, and this is a perfect example.
Saw (2004)- Oh Saw, how I adored you in part one, and could care less about the 20 sequels that followed. The first one was inventive, fresh and effective from start to finish... not to mention creepy. The traps are the best part about the Saw movies; what twisted and wince-inducing ways to die! Unfortunately, we will have to sit through Saw 6, but at least the first one will always be there for us, and be the best.
After long last, tomorrow we get to see what #1 holds for us!
October 29, 2008
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)- Tobe Hooper helped to define a genre in 1974. This could easily be the best of the 70's, as it's just about as effective of a horror movie as you will ever see. It's fun to note that as gritty, disturbing and violent as this movie was, there was very little in the way of blood... that still blows my mind. And how about Leatherface; along with Michael, Jason, and Freddy, he is one of the cornerstone icons of the horror genre, and his dance at the end of the movie is a thing of legend. Long live the saw!
Poltergeist (1982)- How in the hell can a PG rated horror movie be so damned effective? One word; Spielberg. I remember seeing this at the show when I was 9; I also remember thinking my stuffed St. Bernard was going to hide under my bed and try to kill me, and didn't sleep for weeks afterward. Why they're remaking this movie next year, ill never know, because it wont have the same feel and will be ruined by CGI... At least we will always have the original to cherish.
Army of Darkness (1992)- Bruce Campbell's Ash is one of the most beloved horror icons in the entire history of horror, and deservedly so. This trilogy, and Army of Darkness in particular, has given us some of the best blood and gore, and definitely some of the best lines in horror history; "Hail to the king baby!", "Gimme some sugar baby!", "Shop smart, shop S-mart..." God I love it! Without Bruce, it just wouldn't work quite right... I don't mind "Fun" horror at all when done like this, but unfortunately, most of it never comes close to being this good. Hail to the king indeed...
American Psycho(2000)- Christian Bale is one of the best actors on the planet, and roles like this are the reason why. Another social commentary movie, American Psycho makes us laugh and cringe at the same time. The book was much more violent, and as much as I would have liked to have seen "The habitrail" scene on film, what we did get was more than enough to satisfy. If you love good serial killer horror and hate yuppies, this movie is right up your alley.
"Hey Paul!" Loves it...
Tomorrow brings #2!...
October 28, 2008
Dawn of the Dead (1978)- No one mixes horror and social commentary better than George A. Romero, no one. One of the most horrific, gory and untactful horror movies ever made, DOTD was also a slap in the face to the sheepish mall culture that America was turning into. This is the standard to which all zombie movies are held, even to this day, and for good reason; it's one of the best horror flicks ever made. Not for the squeamish.
The Thing (1982)- John Carpenter was horror gold in the 70's and 80's, and this is just one of his many masterpieces. A remake, Carpenter hit every mark he aimed for, and then some, creating a tense and paranoid little world, where isolation and mistrust are the true horror. The FX in this movie are still some of the best ever put to film, the "Thing" in the movie changing into wildly grotesque shapes that are guaranteed to give nightmares. This movie holds up VERY well after 26 years, and will always be a classic.
Scream (1996)- Try as I might to hate this movie because it's so damn campy and hip, I can't deny how good it is, nor it's importance to the genre. Face it, horror was a mess in the 90's, and nearly dead; millions of sequels, yet not much original new material hit the cinemas, then along came Scream. Fun, tongue in cheek, original and surprisingly creepy and violent, it reminded us all just how much we love our horror.
Zodiac (2007)- One of the most mysterious and terrifying serial killers of the 20th century, one of the most brilliant films of the 21st. Zodiac is aces in every way, creating and drawing us into a world filled with panic and fear. Masterfully directed, brilliantly acted, a tight script and maybe one of the creepiest scenes ever (the basement, I'll say no more) Zodiac is a modern day classic, which shouldn't be overlooked as just a drama.
Tomorrow brings #3!!!!!
October 27, 2008
Alien (1979)- A lot of people credit Alien with finally making horror mainstream in the late 70's; with as good of a movie as it is, I can understand that. It may be Sci-Fi, but make no mistake, it's a horror movie through and through. A creature stalks a crew through the dark corridors of their ship, and picks them off one by one... if that isn't a slasher flick, I don't know what is! Ridley Scott is one of the best directors ever, his unique visual style and storytelling abilities making his movies come to life, and this may be his best effort (highly debatable.) This is a masterful movie, perfect in every way. You must own this.
The Evil Dead (1981)- I know that many say that Evil Dead II is the better movie, but this is the one that started it all. I mean how many movies can boast a "tree rape scene?" Not that many would want to, but they can't even if they did! This movie is creepy, messy, gory, and fun, and it looks like it cost about $10 to make. Bruce Campbell is the man, and this movie shows why; he's absolutely likable and isn't afraid to "Go there." Evil Dead is a great example of 80's horror, and is a classic in every sense of the word.
Cemetery Man (1994)- With as much crap that came out in the 90's, it amazes me how a movie like this couldn't get even a small release here in the states; Sure it's an Italian film, but let's face it, Dellamorte Dellamore was better than 90% of the crap horror movies that the U.S. churned out during the entire decade. This isn't only one of the best horror movies ever made, it's a surreal and fantastic masterpiece, a benchmark for the genre. It combines blood, gore, surrealism, humor and FX perfectly; even Martin Scorcese praised this as being one of the best Italian movies of the 90's, and I swear I'm not making that up. You owe it to yourself to see Cemetery Man.
The Ring (2002)- "Before you crap your pants, you see the ring." That's right, I just said that out loud. Well, I typed it, but you get my point. The Ring is a truly great movie, which amazes me because most American remakes of J-Horror tend to suck horribly; part of what makes foreign horror, and cinema in general, so fantastic, is that there are different cultural aspects that shine through in the films, and make them work. This one didn't lose too much in the translation though, relying mostly on atmosphere and a strong story to wow the audience. You need to see this movie if you haven't already, but feel free to skip the sequel, because it pretty much sucked.
See you tomorrow with #4...
October 26, 2008
Suspiria (1977)- This is not only Argento's magnum opus, but also one of the best horror films ever made. If you haven't seen Suspiria, nothing I say will be enough to convey how unique and special this movie is. It's the story of a girl that goes away to a school run by witches, but it's unlike anything you have ever seen before. Argento is a master film maker; his plots aren't always coherent or even plausible, but his visual style is second to none. His use of colors, camera movement, gore, atmosphere, and score come together to give you exactly what a horror movie should be. Perfect. If you have any self respect as a horror fan at all, you need to own this movie.
Day of the Dead (1985)- The third in Romero's "Dead" series may also be my favorite. Dawn of the Dead is a better film overall, but for some reason Day has always stuck with me more. Maybe it's the way that the over the top gore warped my mind when I was 14, or maybe it seemed as if the world was far more desolate than in Dawn, but I just love it. This movie is an absolute gore fest once the shit hits the fan, and on top of that, you get Bub; maybe the coolest and most sympathetic zombie character ever. He's an icon folks, it's true.
Audition (1999)- Takashi Miike is a nasty, nasty man, and if ever there was a movie that would make you not want to date, Audition is it. It starts as a simple story of a widower who is looking for a companion, so he holds a fake film audition to find one; the girl he finds is a crazy bithch who messes his hit up in all kinds of ways! Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction has NOTHING on Asami... she is a mental case of the highest order, and the movie heads towards a finale filled with some of the nastiest torture I've ever seen. What goes through Miike's mind when he makes his movies, I have no idea, but the man is pure genius. Prepare to be fucked up.
The Devil's Rejects (2005)- Zombie's magnum opus is far better than House of 1000 Corpses, and is an instant classic. A road movie, an exploitation movie, a movie about family... it's all of these things and more. In some ways this movie is just mean spirited, but that's what makes it brilliant; we want to see Otis be sadistic, we want Spalding to be funny while he's killing someone, and we want to see Baby naked. In oil. Anyways, I want a third one, but I know we will never see it. At least we have this :)
See you tomorrow with #5...
October 25, 2008
Jaws (1975)- One of the greatest movies of all time, Jaws could easily be a top 5 movie in any decade, and not just on a horror countdown. People were afraid to go swimming, even in lakes or pools when this came out, because it was truly that terrifying. I can still remember seeing the infamous opening scene, and hiding my eyes every time the girl got tugged under the water... "I think you're gonna need a bigger boat." Indeed. Everything about this movie is fantastic, and it needs to be in everyone's collection.
The Fly (1986)- Cronenberg strikes again! Jeff Goldblum is freaky looking enough on a daily basis, but when he starts his slow transformation int the Brundlefly, he becomes something truly nightmarish. The thought of a man genetically splicing his DNA, by accident, with that of a fly, and becoming a huge ass man-fly mongoloid monster...well how can you not love that? Especially when he pukes on things before he eats them! :) I do so miss intelligent horror... please come back David Cronenberg!
Dracula (1992)- This is a tour de force in vampire filmdom; a master director, two master thespians in Hopkins and Oldman, and the master of darkness himself! Gary Oldman is brilliant as Dracula, giving him layers of humanity and non humanity that compel you to like him as much as you might fear him. The look and feel of the movie are perfect, classic in every way, and the bloody mayhem is just as impressive. this may just be the best vampire movie ever mad (although that's highly debatable.) Watch it and love it.
Battle Royale (2000)- This movie may not be well known by American audiences, but it needs to be. This is a sick movie, forcing a middle school class to kill each other off with a variety of weapons until only one child is left standing, and it serves a dual purpose. One is to shock us; seeing kids killing each other in cruel ways is truly disturbing. Two is to make a statement; this movie is rife with social commentary, and it gets the point across quite well. Find the DVD of this great movie, I promise you wont be disappointed.
See you tomorrow with #6...