Review: Them (a.k.a. Ils) (2007)

This is a review I actually did back in July as a Solo thing... since Group 2 watched it tonight, I figured I'd bump it and spruce it up a bit. This flick is worth mentioning again anyhow.

Sub-Genre- Survival
In Attendance- Me, Machine, Chris, Christian... and Sadie!
Cast Members of Note- Olivia Bonamy, Michael Cohen and a bunch of other French people.

Clementine and Lucas, two France people (that's what I call them), move to a creepy country estate in Bucharest, Romania, only to find that Romanians really hate the French. Heh, who doesn't, right? Right?

Anywho, a little Romanian death squad shows up at their isolated home in the middle of the night, and proceeds to prank call them, turn the lights and TV on and off, play hide and seek, and also try to kill them. Pranksters!

"Surprise!"

The couple tries to hold out as long as they can, eventually trying to make a run for it, but are pursued through the woods by their attackers; little do they know that Clementine is more than meets the eye*... She's a cyborg! (*Not a Transformer.)

Wait, wrong movie...my bad.

So she isn't a cyborg after all, which doesn't help them any. They do their best to survive, but being French, they manage to screw all of that up in the end. I don't want to ruin the ending here... although I guess I just kinda did.

Don't be mad, Olivia Bonamy, I'm only speaking the truth!

Where in the world is all of this top-notch French Horror coming from? The answer is obviously France, but I'm sure that you get what I'm saying...

As if Haute Tension and Malefique weren't enough, or Inside and Frontiere(s) didn't kick our balls through the back of our asses, Them (Ils) is as thorough of a creep fest as I remember seeing in the past decade, maybe even two. Not much on blood, Them goes for the kill by drowning you in tension and dread. I'm so glad I don't live in the country after seeing this movie, because if I did, I'm pretty sure I would never sleep again. For the record, sheep creep me out too.

The buzz online is that there is a big "twist" ending to he uncovered here... I suppose there is a bit of a kinda-sorta twist, but it's hardly anything major. This film isn't about trying to be clever, it's more of a warning if anything; this can happen to you, no matter where you're from. That in and of itself makes the whole thing terrifying as hell.

Yeah, why don't you go down there and see what that odd noise was.

the movie ran a little short, although the fast pace kept it tight. Still, I would have liked to have seen a bit more... especially at the end. I liked the way it concluded, but it was over way too quick, and I wanted to know more.

Well climb through, dummy!

Never hesitate to crush someones skull if it may save your life. Ever. I've done it nine times, and I'm still alive.

Get it, girl!

A little bit here and there, but it's very minimal. Most of the violence was implied or off camera. The glass in the leg bit was nice though.

Never put your eye to any sort of peephole in a Horror movie!

What a disappointment... if anybody should have a ton of T & A in one of their movies, it's the French; you know, the people who practically invented sex? A quick, non-revealing bathtub scene, and a pair of undies is as close as we get to nudity in this one, and most of that was in the dark no less. Nice derriere though, Olivia.

Stand up already, Putain!

French filmmakers have issues.

That school bus looks suspicious...

If this one doesn't scare the bejeesus out of you, I'm not sure that you get scared by very much. This is just about as good as home-invasion thrillers get, and in fact it's so good, that it's being remade here in the States as The Strangers. *It's not really a remake, but the storylines are very, very similar.

Any way you slice it, you need to own this one, my friends. It's a gem.

A

Them is available now on DVD and VOD.

Olivia Bonamy and Maria Roman are in this.