Blu-ray Review: The Cat o' Nine Tails (1971)

"This is Argento at his mediocre best."

(aka Cookie!)
Release Date: May 21st, 1971.
Country: Italy.
Rating: NR.
Written by: Dario Argento and Dardano Sarccetti.
Directed by: Dario Argento.
Starring: Karl Malden, James Franciscus and Catherine Spaak. 

There's nothing quite like a good, classic Giallo film, is there?

Alright, so this one isn't necessarily a "good" Giallo film, but it certainly isn't a bad one either. It is kind of a dull one though, and certainly the least effective one that Dario Argento ever made.

Old, blind Cookie and his 7-year-old niece Lisa are out for a leisurely stroll at midnight (?!?), when Cookie overhears someone in a car talking about blackmail. Later, while he's working on a blind person-friendly crossword puzzle, he hears a commotion outside which ends up being a shadowy, mysterious figure knocking out a security guard. That figure then breaks into the Terzi research institute, ransacks some files, and then runs away when some Doctor sees him.

COOKIE TAKES A WALK WITH A SMALL CHILD WHENEVER HE WANTS!

As the Police investigate the Terzi break in, Cookie launches his own investigation with the help of new friend, reporter Carlo Giuseppe. Carlo is a bit of a ladies man, which draws the dead-eyed Anna Terzi to him, which leads to romantic milk drinking, a catatonic stare-off, and some of the worst sex ever. Then, someone starts murdering everybody. As the bodies around them begin to pile up, it becomes a race against time to discover who the killer is, before everyone, even sweet little Lisa, ends up one of his victims.

This is the nonsensical beauty of Italian Horror.

HE'S NOT ACTUALLY LOOKING AT ANYTHING.

The Cat o' Nine Tails may not be the best Giallo that Argento has made, but it is at least a fairly serviceable one. It was only his second feature-length movie, so the man was still playing around with all of the style/color/gore elements that would one day become his cinematic signature. He was experimenting with this one, and while that's something that is made painfully obvious by the movie's inconsistent tone and long-winded plot, it also gives a glimpse into the Master of Horror that Argento would become only a few short years later.

As with most Italian Horror movies of the 70's and 80's, especially Argento films, it's the atmosphere that make this one a compelling watch though, so we can forgive the move its other trespasses.

COOKIE REALLY NEEDS TO GET SOME FRIENDS HIS OWN AGE.

The movie is a bit dull; has far more character development and exposition than it does any kind of action or Horror elements; and it doesn't make a whole lot of sense, with all of its plot twists and complexities. It just doesn't have the same bite that many later Argento flicks have.

We also get yet another nonsensical, freeze-frame ending, which was so popular with many Italian Horror flicks of old.

THIS IS THE PROTOTYPE FOR AN iPAD, CIRCA 1971.

WTF was going through Argento's mind when he came up with that sex scene? "Come sit down and drink some milk with me while we stare at each other. After that we can fall all over each other like lifeless mannequins for 48 seconds, and then call it a night."

THAT PASSION. THAT EMOTION.

This is not one of Argento's bloodier efforts, not by a long shot, but it does offer a few decent kill scenes. Tame stuff though.

THAT'S NOT HOW YOU CATCH A TRAIN.

Catherine Spaak bears it all in one of the oddest, most un-sexy sex scenes in movie history. We honestly thought that her character had died mid-coitus, and the dude just said "Screw it, I'm not stopping!"

WE'RE NOT SURE WHAT IS MORE DISTRACTING: THE 1000-YARD STARE, OR THAT EFFING HAIRDO.

Few do Gialli better than Dario Argento, even when he doesn't completely hit the mark.

"HOW DARE YOU TRY TO IGNORE THE CLEFT ON MY CHIN!"

If this is your first venture into Argento Land, I'd recommend that you start with the far superior Deep Red, or maybe even The Bird With the Crystal Plumage, before giving this one a go. Overall though, The Cat o' Nine Tails is a solid (if uninspired and plodding) trip through the world of Giallo, and one that hints at the future greatness of Dario Argento.

Since it comes in a Blu-ray 3-pack with Deep Red and Inferno, it's definitely worth owning. On its own though, you may want to begin somewhere else, and then come back to this one once you've got more Giallo experience under your belt.

C+

Cat o' Nine Tails is available now on Blu-ray, DVD, and VOD.

The hotties were special in the 70's, especially those of the Italian variety. The third pic down is of Cinzia De Carolis, the actress who played little Lisa in Cat o' Nine Tails. She grew up alright.