They seldom work out well.
Our first reaction upon hearing about thus ill-advised remake of Pascal Laugier's excellent Martyrs (2008), was that we knew that it was doomed. Alright, maybe we didn't "know," but how in the world could a remake of such a brutal, powerful movie like that ever be done justice by anyone, let alone a company that churns out cheap, generic movies on the regular, and thinks that it's a good business model? Sorry, Blumhouse, we really like some of your stuff, honestly, but you know it's true.
*If you want to know anything about this movie's plot, please check out our review of the original HERE, because I'm not breaking this one down. No, this is gong to be little more than an angry rant.
|HERE WE GO.|
The 2008 version took our collective breath away, and it fucked with our heads in the best of ways. It was dark, disturbing, nihilistic, and hard to watch... but it was compelling enough to keep us from turning away, even when what we were seeing on screen made us want to run. It was fucking powerful, and even if you didn't like it (lots of people don't), you have to gave it to Pascal Laugier for trying his ass off and going for it.
The original worked so well because it was a well-made movie. Laugier took his time and let the story unfold naturally, letting its characters breathe and evolve into the wretched messes that they became. We felt for them, and by the end of the movie, we felt as worn and abused by watching their journey as they did actually experiencing it.
|THAT'S KINDA HOW WE FELT AFTER WATCHING THE ORIGINAL MOVIE: VULNERABLE AND UNDERARMED.|
Where are the scenes where Lucie was fed that vomit-looking gruel, and mercilessly beaten until she was at death's door? Instead of Anna finding a genuinely tortured being in the dungeon and trying to help her, she finds a little girl who looks dirty, but unharmed? The skinning scene is all but gone, and the "creature" that haunted Lucie throughout the movie has been reduced to little more than a jump-scare device in this one.
Where is the impact that the original had?
None of the martyrdom that these people were trying to get Lucie to achieve felt earned. Anna was shocked (for basically no reason, because it was Lucie who they really wanted to martyr), and Lucie had a small bit of her back skin flayed off and was hung on a cross (in effigy?), and then 5 minutes later, she was "ready." What the actual fuck? THAT was all it took to drive the girl into such a heightened state of consciousness that she could see into the afterlife? She escaped them 10 years ago, randomly stumbles back into their clutches, and then 10 minutes later, she's the one who will finally give them what they seek?
Come the fuck on.
It lacked punch, both emotionally and viscerally, and given the source material that it was culled from, that's just unforgivable.
Had there never been a movie called Martyrs in 2008, and this was a totally original movie, we could probably go easier on it; its faults would still be present, but we could write it off as just another Horror flick that had some great potential, but just couldn't quite reach it... but there was a movie called Martyrs in 2008, and this isn't an original effort, so its many faults can't be so easily forgiven or overlooked. It had a fantastic template to work from, and it should have been better.
Better yet, Martyrs should have ever been remade. Yeah, that sounds about right.
|WHAT IS THIS FUCKERY?|
Fuck this movie, and go watch the original HERE. Trust us.
Martyrs is available now on VOD.
Troian Bellisario and Bailey Noble are in this.