DVD Review: White Settlers (2015)

The whole premise of this movie doesn't really make a lot of sense to me.

I guess that I personally don't get how someone could get justifiably angry with people moving to their country and buying homes and property that they themselves can't afford. I mean I get why they'd be angry, but it's not someone else's fault that you can't afford something and they can.

I suppose the fact that this movie came out right before the big referendum for Scottish Independence might explain its plot devices away, but if that is the case, then it makes it even worse in a way.

A posh couple decides that they want to live a quieter and less expensive life than the one they have in London, so they move to Scotland, and get themselves a nice little house on a gorgeous piece of land.

Even though the previous owner had plenty of family, the bank took possession of the house when he died, because apparently none of them could afford it. So of course here come two rich, idiot Londoners (and I say idiot, because they act like idiots) to grab it right out from under the family who it has belonged to for generations... which probably doesn't make them very happy.

YEAH, THEY'RE PROBABLY NOT GOING TO BE HAPPY AT ALL.

The first night in the house, the wife begins to hear all sorts of odd noises, which the husband chalks up to her being being a stupid idiot. She grows more and more unnerved as the night goes on, which hubby again chalks up to her being a stupid idiot. When men in pig masks show up, break into the house, and begin attacking the couple, it's revealed that it's actually the husband who is the stupid idiot.

Home invasion and racism between white people ensues.

WHY DO THEY ALWAYS WALK ON THE ROAD WHEN TRYING TO ESCAPE? STICK TO THE TREES, THEY PROVIDE COVER!

It feels a bit disingenuous and forced at times, but overall, White Settlers is a pretty decent Home Invasion Thriller. The movie does a good job of building intensity and maintaining a creepy atmosphere throughout. Visually and atmospherically, this movie works really well.

Scotland is also a gorgeous country, and this movie captures a lot of its scenery beautifully.

I'D GLADLY LIVE THERE.

Just once I'd like to see the characters in one of these Backwoods Horror flicks not act like complete assholes.

The husband in this movie not only makes light of the previous owner's death in front of the real estate agent (who has been looking at them like they're evil interlopers the whole time to begin with), but then throughout the rest of the movie, he's nothing but a dick to his wife, calling her stupid, telling her she's an idiot.... and she just takes it.

And what's with having front doors that only open and lock with keys? It's 2015, Europe, ever hear of deadbolts?

NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO TAKE A BREATHER!

BEWARE ENDING SPOILERS!

So basically, the "bad guys" terrorize and brutalize the couple, and end up driving them back to London and leaving them there bound and gagged as if to say "don't come back." Alright, but then they all move into the couple's house, where it's revealed that it belonged to their family, and so they've "reclaimed" it for themselves... and that's really supposed to be it?

Wouldn't they assume that the Cops would show up and arrest them all, seeing as how they're illegally occupying a house that someone else paid for, not to mention attacked them in order to force them out?

And if the couple killed one of the attackers, why were they driven back to London instead of being killed in the first place?

Some parts of this movie just felt like they were not thought through at all.

"OH, YOU MUST BE THE ASSHOLES FROM LONDON!"

One guy ends up getting brained, there's an incident with a bear trap, and a few other people get cut up a bit. Really though, there's not a lot of blood or overly brutal violence in this movie.

No nudity, but there is one scene that involved the couple "seducing" each other in the woods.

People in Scotland are arseholes. Also, so are posh people who move from London to Scotland. Who knew?

LOOKS LIKE THE STUPID IDIOT WAS RIGHT AFTER ALL, HUH?

White Settlers is a decent movie that packs a lot of atmosphere and some genuine scares into its short runtime (less than 80 minutes, actually), but it's also a movie that has annoying characters and some pretty silly plot turns. I guess it was supposed to make a statement about how Scots hate the British immigrating to their land or something, but most of that was lost on us, because we're ignorant Americans.

C-

If you're really dying to see this movie, you could order it through Amazon UK, and have it imported. For most people though, it''s probably best to wait until it hits a VOD platform near you, and avoid the hassle.

Pollyanna McIntosh is pretty in a very unconventional way.