February 25, 2009

DVD Review: Burial Ground (1981)

The Zombies in this movie move about as quick as a crippled 90-year-old man trying to climb a molasses staircase...

In Attendance- Me, The Vanilla Gorilla, Eryn, and Nick.
Cast Members of Note- Karin Well, Antonella Antinori, Anna Valente, and the utterly creepy Peter Bark.

Three couples and a creepy little kid that looks like he's in his 40's, head to a remote country estate to have a wild weekend of sex, creepy incest, and sex. Unfortunately for them, a bunch of rotted old zombies decide to rise from the grave and join in the party, adding flesh-eating to the whole "incest and sex" thing.

He's cute right? Go ahead and tuck him in. Go on...
The zombies in this movie move about as quick as a crippled 90-year-old man trying to climb a molasses staircase, and yet everyone still has the darnedest time outrunning them. I guess they forgot that they had cars too, because driving away would be something the zombies might suspect? Running from the undead, then waiting for them to catch up, then running and hiding, then finally dying, sucks as a plan to me. Maybe I just don't get it because I'm not Italian.

"Were coming, were coming. God, just relax... even more than you already are."
The creepiest part of the whole weekend comes when the mom and her son start kissing and rubbing on each other, ending in a near fingerbang that leaves even Mom a bit shocked. Later, she let's him lick on her nipple and bite it off. I guess Mom's a bit of a slut, eh? Either that, or creepy little Michael's just got it like that. Either way, It all made me spit up a little. I won't spoil the ending for you here, but suffice it to say that once again, the Italians leave me scratching my head. And laughing.

They spelled prophecy with an "f."
This movie gives us the classic old school, slow moving Romero/Fulci style of zombies, as only the Italians of the early 80's could do it. As cheesy of a movie as this is (the dubbed voices made us lol several times), Eryn said "Cool" or " I love them!" every time a new zombie came on screen. They just looked cool, and moved all bad-ass slow style, and always managed to get their pound of flesh! Good stuff.

Alright, so this is an early 80's Italian Horror flick... You have to expect lame/funny dubbing, ridiculous and nonsensical plot elements, and an ending that will literally make you say "huh?!?" The payoff though is in what you get in return; tons of gore, some bad-ass visuals, hot and slutty chicks that get naked often, and some messed up plot elements that will make you say "WTF?!?"

They don't make 'em like this anymore folks. For shame.

All he really wants is a kiss...
Is it too much of a stretch to suggest that you grab the car keys and drive off, you know, in one of the three cars sitting in the driveway? How about running? Maybe you could do that while the flesh-eating zombies are shambling in slow-motion towards you. Then again, you just standing there saying "What's going on?" gives me a reason to yell at the screen, I guess.

Just sit there and stare... don't run or anything.
That little kid was creepy, and the Mom wasn't much better; did she not think it odd to be kissing her son over and over again while he's playing with her boobs? At least she freaked out a little when he tried to finger her...

Yes, that really happened.
It's an Italian Zombie flick, of course it's gory; gut munching, skin ripping, flesh eating, head splitting, zombie splattering, shard of glass violence, farm implement violence, nipple ripping... there's tons of nasty goodness in this one.

It's an Italian Horror film from the early 80's, you know you get some quality boobs and butts.

Yes, we censored the boob. Kids and all, you know?
"You look just like a little whore, but I like that in a girl." or "You're getting a raise out of me alright, but it has nothing to do with money." LOL

Early 80's Italian Zombies have no equal, for better or worse. Also, kids shouldn't try to penetrate their Mothers. Not ever.

Yeah you creepy fucker, I'm talking to you!
Despite being ridiculous on many levels, this is one of the best zombie movies ever. The look of the zombies, coupled with the Italians love of over-the-top gore and bad dubbing, make this one a must see. Go buy it, you'll probably find it on the cheap.


Burial Ground is available now on DVD.


Here are a few more screenshots from this crazy movie.

Fact: Zombies enjoy gardening. This picture is obviously proof of that.
"Oh, Titus..."
Spirit fingers.
Yes, this the kid is trying to bang his own Mother... and she's letting him.
Just walk slowly forward. They won't catch you!

1 comment :

  1. My favorite part about this brilliant disaster is that the subtitle is The Nights of Terror, when the majority of the film occurs during the day and there is only a single night in the entire film. That alone sums up my experience with Burial Ground, its all sorts of Italian crazy!