January 20, 2009

Solo Review: My Bloody Valentine (1981)... The Unrated Cut!

Sub-Genre- Slasher.
Cast Members of Note- Lori Hallier, Neil Affleck (Not Ben's dad), Paul Kelman.

Id there a group of people that drink more than Miners do? Bored housewives maybe, but when it comes to partying hard and rotting livers, Miners win hands down. 

During a Valentines Day party, the Miners of Valentine Bluff tie one on and get so hammered that they don't even realize that there's been a cave-in, and that some of their own are trapped in the mines below. Cannibalism and insanity ensue. Also, murder.  

"I'm out of my mine!" (Get it? Mine? Heh.)
Harry Warden -the one guy to survive the horrible cave-in- goes insane, kills some people, and warns the town to never celebrate the Big V again... Which of course means that at some point, his demands are going to be ignored, because there would be no movie otherwise. Years later, a bunch of sex-crazed Canadian kids are planning a big V-Day bash as an excuse to drink, get laid, and get picked off one by one by an insane miner bent on revenge. Intrigue, romance, 80's hairdo's, bad Canuck accents, and a veritable ton of pick-axe violence ensue. 

It doesn't really end well for anyone.
The only thing I ever disliked about this movie was the lack of blood; every kill scene seemed to cut away and imply what happened, instead of showing us what happened in all of its gory glory... well no more! 

The new Special Edition DVD gives us all the gore that the film makers originally intended us to see, and it finally makes this this bloody Slasher Classic into the film that it always deserved to be:
  • The impaling scene before the credits is restored. 
  • The dryer scene is longer and nastier. 
  • The bartender getting the axe through the chin and eye is back. 
  • The face boiling scene has an extra shot. 
  • The shower scene is longer and more graphic.
  • The nail gun scene is longer and more disturbing.
  • The decapitation/hanging is fully restored. 
  • The arm cut off at the end is there.
  • ...and there's a few more scenes which I'm convinced were tinkered with, although I can't be sure until I watch the "cut" version again. 

What a great movie. Fun, creepy, and now, totally bloody! MBV looks and feels like an 80's movie, and how can you not love that?  

So 80's...
It's a shame that we've had to wait nearly three decades to get a complete version of this film on DVD. The re-inserted gore scenes that were forcibly cut by the MPAA are great, and finally make the movie seem truly bloody; unfortunately, they old prints that they're taken from are noticeably worn, and look a bit out of place. It's great to finally get to see them in the film, but sad that we had to wait so long, and that we had to get them in such rough shape.

We know, sugar, the MPAA sucks so much ass that it's terrifying.
The ending was not only perfect, but it also totally set us up for a sequel... so why did we never get one?

"I can has sequel now?"
Fresh human hearts, ripped open chest cavities, impaling, multiple acts of pick-axe violence, a beheading, nail gun violence, and the awesome dryer scene. Thank you, Special Edition DVD!  

Next time, get a better tattoo. Wait, there won't be a next time...
There is not so much as one damn exposed boob in this movie. I'm disappointed in you, 80's Slasher movie.

"Sarah, be My Bloody Valentine..."

Insane Miners are pretty good poets. Also, it takes a lot of determination and will to cut off your own arm with a pocket knife.

Aah, poetry!
A true genre classic, MBV is one 80's Slasher that should be seen and loved by all. It has the classic old school feel about it, it packs some pretty good scares, a creepy atmosphere, some hot 80's-style chicks, and finally, it's got a bunch of awesome gore. I'm kinda excited to see the new 3-D remake, but this one will always hold a special place in our Horror Hearts. Go pick up the Special Edition DVD now!


My Bloody Valentine is available now on Blu-ray and DVD.


Unfortunately, Cynthia Dale's dance/karate fight showdown with Harry Warden couldn't be restored in full. I guess some things are forever lost to time...

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