January 9, 2009

Solo Review: Baby Blues (2008)

Sub-Genre- Post Partum Depression/Insanity
Cast Members of Note- Colleen Porch, whom I'm now afraid of, and Ridge Canpie.

I don't want to say too much in regards to what the film itself is about. From the back cover on the DVD, you can't really tell if it's about a haunted farmhouse, a possessed kid, a maniac stalking a family, etc... Knowing too much in advance may take a bit of the impact (re: kick in the nuts) of Baby Blues away, and so I will try to remain vague.

A moronic trucker leaves his wife and four kids to head off on another road trip, and all hell breaks loose back on the farm. The family soon finds themselves under attack from a really, really, sinister force, and when Mom loses her mind, it's up to the oldest son to kick some ass in the cornfield!

Poor little bloody baby in the corn... why are you out in the corn? You're not a scarecrow, you're a baby!
What happens from here on out is the cinematic equivalent of masturbating with a cheese grater; it's painful, uncomfortable, and nothing good can come from it, yet you will feel compelled to press on to completion... Just make sure you have a pillow nearby to hide your face in.

She's here.
This is an effing sick and twisted movie, and I don't ever want to see it again. If the goal of a Horror movie is to disturb us, freak us out, make us say "what the fuck" to the screen multiple times, and cry ourselves to sleep afterward,then Baby Blues hits the mark.

From about 25 minutes in, this move pours on the dread and tension, and maintains it throughout the rest of the movie. I'm serious when I say that I had a constant grimace on my face throughout this one, and for quite a while afterwards. I remember feeling dirty after seeing Inside last year, and this one made me feel downright filthy.

Aside from the extremely tough to watch child violence in this movie, it's the acting that really makes it a winner. Collen Porch is amazingly terrifying as a mother who loses her mind, and Ridge Canipe is equally as good as her eldest son, who does his best to save the day. For being 14-years-old, this kid can act, and I give him a lot of credit for taking this role.

What a dumb-ass, moronic ending. I mean the part with the father... it absolutely killed everything that the movie had worked for up until that point. Lame.

Oh look, a creepy doll.
Jesus H. Christ... a combine? Stabbing and drowning them aren't enough, you need to chase down some little kids with a combine? Along with the poor kids that acted in this movie, I'm going to be scarred for life by this one...

"Ok, ok... all I want is a hug this time..."
Knife, pitchfork, drowning, meat cleaver... Kids, dogs, nor chickens are safe in this one, and it's plenty bloody. The creepy kind of bloody.

Nope, and that's fine. I don't even wanna think about boobs right now.

You're no longer even hot to me!
"When are you kids going to learn that this hurts me, more than it does you?!?" or "...and this little piggy... had none."

Big brothers are cool, so be nice to them. Also, never hide in the hay.

I was all set to give this one an A, until the lame-as-hell ending made me spit at the screen. This is a HARD movie to sit through, and will keep you on the edge of your seat throughout, unless of course you have no pulse. If you like disturbing Horror movies that make you feel the need to shower immediately after watching, then check this one out. Conversely, if you like babies, kids, or animals, avoid it like the plague.


Colleen Porch is in this.


  1. The Good- This is an F'ing sick and twisted movie, and I don't ever want to see it again. If the goal of a horror movie is to disturb us, freak us out, make us say "what the fuck" to the screen multiple times, then cry ourselves to sleep afterward, this movie hits the mark.

    SOLD. I hope I saved a kitty too.


  2. I TOTALLY agree with your review on this movie!it scared me sooooo bad...this kinda thing CAN really happen!the ending really disappointed me...i don't know exactly what they were thinking when it came to the ending because the rest of this movie was great!