January 28, 2009

Review: My Bloody Valentine 3D (2009)

Sub-Genre- Slasher
In Attendance- Me, Machine, Chris and Susan.
Cast Members of Note- Genre legend Tom Atkins!, Supernatural's Jensen Ackles, hot little Jamie King, and a pre-Blacklist Megan Boone!.

My Bloody Valentine is basically a movie about a slutty naked chick that runs around naked, waiving a gun around... of course there are all kinds of unnecessary plot elements present here that detract from said nakedness, but they do manage to keep us guessing!

Also, this movie is about a pre-Blacklist Megan Boone, and just how good she looks in a tank-top and undies.
Harry Warden is a miner who survives a Mineshaft collapse which kills everyone he knows. This drives him to kill everyone in the local Hospital where he's recouperating, and then head back to the Mine to kill every teen there who has a beer in hand. Three of the partying teens leave a 4th behind to be killed while they escape, but the Cops show up and save the day, leaving the poor kid to realize that his friends must really hate him.

The 2nd of 4 massacres in the movie.
10 years later, Harry Warden returns, as does the kid who left town because everyone hated him, and the mayhem begins again. In the highlight of the film, one of the three horrible friends turns out to be a slutty naked chick who has some sex, runs around naked with a gun, and doesn't mind not having any clothes on at all. Sadly though, she dies naked, and it's up to the rest of the friends to avenge her death!

I won't spoil the ending for you here, but suffice it to say that once the nudity ends, the killing truly begins... and we mean some good Old Fashioned pick-axe killing!

Kill, Harry, kill.
First and foremost, the 3-D is the star of the show here; If you can find a Theater near you that has the 3-D projectors, definitely see it that way. This is nothing like the 3-D that most people will remember from the 80's, and it totally made the movie more exciting, and the glasses are like sunglasses, not cardboard red/blue framed messes! The Twisted Pictures logo looked insane! Really cool stuff.

This actually happened in the theater I was in. Honest.
MBV 3-D didn't skimp on the blood and nudity, both of which are staples for any good Slasher movie. They also didn't skimp on the Tom Atkins; it was awesome to see him in a Genre film again, as the guy is a Horror Legend, and by all accounts, a really cool guy in general.

The best thing I can say about this movie is that though it's an awful lot of fun. It's far from perfect, and I hated the way they handled the sequences towards the end (I can't elaborate without spoiling.) Overall though, it was a good time that delivered the goods on most levels.

True love never dies.
Having been a huge fan of the original MBV for the better part of the last three decades, I found the storyline for this one both over-worked and lacking in a lot of ways. The original worked so well because it was simple, whereas the redux seemed to play on the "who is the killer?" thing a bit too much, and delved too deeply, in my opinion, into the motivations and inner workings of certain characters.

I guess I just think simpler would have been better.

Hot chicks are never simple, but they do always make things better.
I kept wearing my 3-D glasses after I left the Theater, hoping they would change my life. They didn't.

Plenty of pick-axe violence too be had here, not to mention a cool Hospital massacre set piece and some other goodies... including the famous heart-in-a-box gag from the original MBV! We loves it.

She should have listened when she was told to shut up!
This movie contains what might be the best scene in movie history; a hot, naked, slutty chick, running around with a gun naked, hiding naked, fighting off a killer naked, and getting what she deserves... naked! This went on for a good 2-4 minutes. Maybe longer. (On a fun note, the scene in the trailer with a chick running in her undies... that was digitally manipulated, as she was naked in that scene.)

Thanks for that, Betsy Rue. Sincerely.

You make dying hot, baby.
"Jason, is that you?"

Tom Atkins still rules, and should have been a bigger star. Also, naked chicks almost always make a movie better.

"Thrill me!"
Although it's nowhere near as good as the original 80's flick, I liked this one, and loved its use of 3-D. Although it's far from perfect, this is a Slasher flick that gets a lot of things right, and does its predecessor some justice. Go see it on the big screen in 3-D!


My Bloody Valentine 3D is available now on Blu-ray and DVD.


The girls in this movie can be our Valentine anytime!

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