Solo Review: Pieces (1982)

"What a beautiful piece of bad movie work this one is. "

Sub-Genre- Slasher.
Cast Members of Note- The awesome Christopher George, and his wife Linda Day George.

Singing Humpty Dumpty while putting together a jigsaw puzzle... isn't that every young boy's idea of fun? Wasn't it yours? No, it wasn't mine either, so I'm glad this annoying little kid's puzzle is a picture of a nude chick, which at least makes the whole thing a little less lame. Of course when his mom catches him whacking off to his dirty puzzle, she proceeds to smack him and call him filthy and stupid, and in turn he kills her and saws her into Pieces. Bitch had it coming!

Whore puzzle.

Flash forward 40 years -that's right, 40 frigging years- and everyone has pretty much died from old age; except the creepy puzzle kid who's all grown up now, and is even more creepy. He tricked the Cops back then, making them think he was attacked by someone who killed his mom, because he was a really clever boy. Luckily for him, there are still plenty of other whores for him to cut up; aerobicizing, leg warmer-wearing, perky-boobed, 80's hairdo-wearing whores!

"I told you not to Jazzercise, bitch!"

He stalks exercise classes, skulks around pools, peeps on tennis matches... his heavy-breathing ass will go anywhere to collect the "whore pieces" he needs for his very own real life "whore puzzle." Lt. Bracken is hot on his trail though, so good lucky with that, creepy guy. Far be it from me to spoil the ending for you here, but suffice it to say that it will make you say "WTF?!?" Out loud. Twice.

What's in the bag? Pieces.

 

This movie is pure 80's Exploitation Horror bliss. There's a part of me that wants to call this one a Giallo flick; After all it's got a a black-gloved killer, crazy music, excessive gore, bad English dubbing, horrid acting, a nonsensical plot... aw hell, it is Giallo! In a way it really does fit that mold, as the best thing about Pieces is its copious amounts of gore and violence. And nudity. And lack of sense.

It's a hell of a watch for Slasher fans, especially those who have good senses of humor.

This is the 2nd to last film that great Christopher George made before his death in 1983. The man was awesome, starring in such genre greats as Pieces, Mortuary, Graduation Day, The Exterminator, Enter the Ninja, and one of my personal faves, The Gates of Hell. We truly do love and miss that guy, and the coolness that he brought to each of his roles.

Christopher George was certainly a head of his time. Zing!

So much of this movie is bad: from the silly dubbing to the actions of the characters, to the plot that makes the whole thing funnier than it was meant to be. The Cops at the beginning may be the worst Cops ever, the students act and talk like they're semi-retarded, and everyone else just seems to be in this general malaise even with such heinous murders going on around them... I know it's 80's Italian/Spanish Horror Cinema, but man, we laughed out loud in places where we shouldn't have.

This kid REALLY loves his porn.

The ending. In the last 5 minutes of this movie, we're treated to the all-too-familiar baffling, slow-motion, makes-zero-sense-whatsoever, climax. It's par for the course as far as old school Euro Horror flicks go, but Jesus is it frustrating sometimes.

Wait... what?!?

 

Pieces is full of tons of good old fashioned 80's gore galore! Axe violence, saw violence, chainsaw violence, decapitations, piles of body parts... this one is full-o'-gore, and is absolutely shameless about showing it.

You gotta love it.

 

A nude chick on a puzzle, a nude chick swimming, a topless chick in bed, chicks in leotards, a Hottie taking a soapy shower... and some naked man ass. So, plenty of skin for you pervs to dig on.

Censored: for your un-pleasure.

"The killer is someone that is either on or near the campus" or "I'll send you a box of lollipops."

Euro Horror from the 80's is lots and lots of fun. Also, Euro Horror from the 80's seldom makes any sort of coherent sense at all.

No sense AT ALL!

Pieces is a trashy, fun, bloody, exploitational mess of a Horror flick... but it's also a pretty bad movie in general terms... which makes it even better. I say see it for the blood and gore, and have fun with it. Beware the cheese factor though.

C+

Pieces is available on Blu-ray and DVD now.

Christopher George was a Horror movie pimp... and he was from our neighborhood! *Detroit, represent.

Rest in peace, good sir.