January 22, 2009

Review: Hit and Run (2009)

Sub-Genre- Torture Porn
Cast Members of Note- Laura Breckenridge, and awesome character actor Kevin Corrigan.

A dumb, drunk chick leaves a wiiild partaaaaay because she really, really has to get home for some unknown reason. On her way home, we're treated to her giving an in-car concert of some crap song as she drives, which is probably why she almost hits a suitcase laying in the middle of the road, and has to swerve a mile into the woods to avoid it. Whew! That was close!

"Dat wus my shootcashe!"
After she recovers, Dummy drives the rest of the 20 miles home without realizing that she's impaled a guy on the front of her Jeep, and when she does finally figure it out, she beats him to death with a golf club. Then she buries him in the woods, because she doesn't want to be grounded. Then, some creepy things begin to happen, she acts increasingly more inept, and we begin to wish that she would have buried herself alive too.

I won't spoil what comes next, as you can probably figure it out if you made it through the 5th grade, but I will say that Cops have jobs for a reason, and you should maybe call them for help if you get involved in something creepy.

"Call me."
There are some genuine creepy and tense moments in this movie, which nearly save it from its inept script and poor direction, but not quite. If you like nail-biters you'll love this one, as Laura Breckenridge plays scared pretty well. Also, some of the FX were pretty cool, and even a bit clever.

She also glistens rather well...
This movie isn't a case of a character making one bad decision after another, which leads to horrible consequences; no, this is more like a character making ridiculously unrealistic decisions, one after another, that only a person required by law to wear a helmet would make.

As the movie wears on, it gets harder to ignore or accept the lack of common sense of the heroine; drive drunk, and sing/dance in the car while you do... wildly swerve to miss hitting something in the road and drive into a forest... discover a man impaled on your bumper and do nothing but say "I'm going to help you" over and over... don't call the Cops... beat him to death with a golf club... don't call the Cops... bury him in the woods, sit back as manhunt for missing Teacher ensues... tell your boyfriend about everything, and he tells you not to call the Cops...

It gets worse from there (the wife?!?), but I don't want to delve into spoiler territory. Let's just say that you can't really feel sympathy for the main character because she's just plain ignorant, nor can you feel much of anything for anyone else in the movie either, not even "the victim."

What? Where in the hell did he get a blowtorch and that outfit? Oh who cares...
What the hell was with some of the camera work in this movie? I think the director was confused as to whether this was a Horror flick, or his version of Go, Requiem for a Dream, or Smokin' Aces. Lame.

A particularly painful leg stabbing scene, ear biting, more stabbing, traffic accident carnage... it basically turns into a Torture Porn Gorefest in the third reel.

That's bloody hot.
No, but Laura Breckenridge does spend a lot of time on screen in her undies...

"Sqwak! Bloody Mary. Bloody Mary. Bloody Mary!"

You shouldn't drink and drive, especially if you're a woman. Also, dumb-ass young people just need to stop trying to be clever, and call the Cops.

Yeah, not the best time to be stargazing, Dummy!
Another promising movie with an interesting premise and a good amount of tension, hurt by characters being ridiculously stupid for the sake of moving the story along. Check it out if you don't mind bland, formulaic Horror with some decent scares, skip it if you do.


Laura Breckenridge is in this... and looking good!

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