Review: The Factory (2012)

(aka Let's Never Release This Movie, Ever)
Release Date: Available on BD/DVD December 12th (Australia), January 2013 (Sweden)
Country:  USA, Australia.
Written by: Morgan O'Neill and Paul Leyden. 
Directed by: Morgan O'Neill.
Starring: John Cusack, Jennifer Carpenter, Dallas Roberts, Mae Whitman and Sonia Walger.

Shot in 2008, and shelved indefinitely thereafter, The Factory is one movie that seemed like it would never see an actual release date.

Fast forward 4 years, and the John Cusack Cop-Thriller looks to finally be seeing the light of day, though it will only be on BD/DVD, and only in released in a few countries.

For the life of me, I will never fully understand film distribution, and why it seems to be such a complicated mess.

At least it's being released. That's something I suppose.

John Cusack plays Mike Fletcher, a hard-boiled Detective on the hunt for a local killer of whores. His partner Kelsey (played by Jennifer Carpenter) is also hard-boiled, but way hotter. She's on the case of the Hooker-Killer too, and looks exceptionally cute in a beanie. She doesn't smile a lot though. Seems angry.

"Did you just call me cute?"

When Mike's teenage daughter is kidnapped by the Hooker-Killer (because she looks like a hooker herself, even though she's not), he goes off the deep end. Having just seen Taken, he goes all Liam Neeson in his efforts to find his hooker-looking daughter, before she ends up dead. (Little do Mike or Kelsey know, the Hooker-Killer is really just a Baby-Maker, kidnapping young whores and knocking them up, to facilitate his baby farm. So really, he's just misunderstood.)

... or maybe he's not.

Will Mike find his daughter before it's too late, and will everyone live happily ever after? Will he become Grandfather to a psychopath's love child, which was never meant to be? Will any of the chicks in this movie get naked, given the fact that it's about imprisoned hookers being knocked up? Far be it from us to spoil anything for you, but lets just say "no" to all of them.

Um...

This is not what it looks like?

As Serial Killer flicks go in the post "Silence of the Lambs" and "Se7en" world, The Factory holds up pretty well by comparison. That's not to say that The Factory is as good as the aforementioned masterpieces -they set the bar pretty high for their type of storytelling- but it holds its own and manages to be a capable homage of sorts.

Were not only suckers for Cop vs. Serial Killer flicks around here, but set one of them in a snowy, cold locale, and we're double hooked. Something about dark subject matter unfolding across a bitter cold and snowy landscape just sucks us in.This is a well made movie with a palpable atmosphere, and we enjoyed it aesthetically.

We also love John Cusack. Sure, he's far better suited to comedy, but he pulls off a troubled Cop rather well here. Jennifer Carpenter is one of our faves too, and she does her thing here just as she does it in everything else she's in. She's truly underrated. for the record, the rest of the cast does a good job here too, and is filled with great underrated talent.

She's always playing a cop.

There's not a lot here that's very new or unique, and maybe that's why it sat on the shelf for so long. Do we buy John Cusack in the role of a Cop on the edge? I don't know, maybe? Have we seen this same plot done and re-done, over and over again? Yeah. Did we see the twist at the end coming? Yeah. Are we tired of every genre flick having a twist ending, because it seems to be the status-quo these days? Hell yeah. Then why did we like this movie? We're suckers.

John Cusack's "I want answers!" face.

Why do some movies sit on the shelf for so long, not able to find anyone willing to distribute them?

The Factory isn't anything amazing, but it's a solid little Cop-Thriller that absolutely could have made some money on BD/DVD since 2008, so what gives? There's an ever-steady stream of God-awful junk that gets released on home video on a weekly basis, and I find it hard to believe that many of those movies would out-sell/rent this one. Here's my bold statement: The Factory could have made a few million in U.S. Theaters, made a decent amount in Foreign Theaters, and been an average seller on Home Video. Sounds crazy, right? It's not.

"At least you have Dexter."

 

We really love Thrillers that involve Cops on the trail of Serial Killers, so for us The Factory was an enjoyable watch. It's fairly by-the-numbers and isn't top tier by any means, but it definitely deserves its above average grade. If it ever hits BD/DVD in your country, give it a spin.If not, then I guess go watch Say Anything or Grosse Pointe Blank if you find yourself needing a Cusack fix.

C+

This movie has its share of Hottie action in it, even if a lot of it involves captive teenage girls locked in a basement sex-prison. Who are we to judge though?

DVD Review: Pontypool (2009)

Disclaimer: I rip on Canada a lot in this review, but being from Detroit, I'm practically half-Canadian, so it's alright. Carry on, eh...

Cast Members of Note- Stephen McHattie, Lisa Houle, and Georgina Reilly.

Pissed-off Big City DJ Grant Mazzy just got demoted. The poor guy has to move to Ontario, Canada of all places, and host their lame morning drive show; sure, the city has a cool name (Pontypool), but he's doing stories about missing cats and bingo championships, while he should be challenging the establishment with his scathing commentary!

This guy is a bad-ass, even in Ontario.

When reports of a mob of crazed people (Infected/Zombies) attacking a local hospital roll in, everything starts to go to hell. Grant, his bitchy producer, and the cute as a button tech girl are stuck in the small studio, and are the only ones who can warn the world about what's unfolding in the small Canuck town; which is that a virus is turning people into Word-Zombies, and it's all because of the English language. I cry racism!

Maybe they just want to make a request?

Will they survive? Will the Language-Zombies get into the studio and eat/talk everyone to death? Will Grant "Awesome Sauce" Mazzy get the chicks into a threesome before all hope is lost? I won't spoil what comes next for you here, but suffice it to say that the last act of the film kinda shit the bed for me. Yes, people, that means no threesome.

"Threesome, or GTFO!"

The first two thirds of Pontypool are amazing; they're so simple and minimal, that the movie sucks you in and has you feeling pretty much what the characters are... "What in the hell is happening" and "Oh shit, we're so screwed!" It really, really works... until the doctor shows up and "explains" everything. Don't get me wrong, it's still pretty good after that, but the old "less is more" adage should have been adhered to here. I guess the best part of the movie is wondering could this ever happen? No, I'm sure it couldn't, but within the world of the movie itself I was a believer, even though the whole thought of the English language being "infected" seems wholly implausible. It's all very original and engrossing, actually.

I've always liked Stephen McHattie. A History of Violence, XIII, Watchmen... hell, he even narrated BASEketball, which rocked. He's a great character actor, and does a really nice job here. In fact, he pretty much carries the movie for the most part, and he left me wanting to see more of Grant Mazzy. Lisa Houle, and Georgina Reilly were great too, I just think McHattie stole the show.

Please give us more Grant Mazzy, Mr. McHattie. Oh, and wear the hat. It's pretty cool.

As good as this movie is, it loses its steam by the time the third act rolls around. Once the Doctor gets there, it goes from tense to "Ok, I guess I can buy that explanation... I think" territory pretty quick. Had they left the cause of the outbreak a bit more ambiguous, and given us little hints some other way, it would have been far more effective.

Not even they liked the third act.

It's a tie! First, the cure; WTF?!? Again, had they left it at "don't speak or we're screwed" it would have been fine. The whole "kill is kiss" thing just didn't get it for me. Second, and possibly most lame of all, is the Doctor; he's not only annoying and poorly acted, he... ok, he's just annoying and poorly acted. The character just felt out of place to me.

Her kiss is definitely kill.

Not too much gore in this one, although there is some good stuff in a scene or two towards the middle, and the "Zombies" looked cool. Pontypool was really more of a psychological Horror flick than a slice and dice.

Kinda hot?

Nope.

Anything Grant Mazzy says; his voice is just that damn lyrical.

Canada doesn't really suck; any country that can give us Glass Tiger, Hockey, Michael J. Fox, Rock n' Roll Nightmare and David Cronenberg, deserves to be loved. Mostly.

If you don't love Glass Tiger, you suck.

I'm not afraid to love Pontypool in spite of its faults; it was a well-conceived, well-made, creepy, tense movie, and even makes you think a bit. It would have easily been an "A" movie if the last part hadn't lost me just a bit, but it's still well worth seeing. Check it out on IFC In-Demand or in Theaters (limited release) now.

B+

Pontypool is available now on DVD.

I've noticed that I fall in love far too easily lately, but just look at her, man... look at her!

Solo Review: My Bloody Valentine (1981)... The Unrated Cut!

Sub-Genre- Slasher.
Cast Members of Note- Lori Hallier, Neil Affleck (Not Ben's dad), Paul Kelman.

Id there a group of people that drink more than Miners do? Bored housewives maybe, but when it comes to partying hard and rotting livers, Miners win hands down. 

During a Valentines Day party, the Miners of Valentine Bluff tie one on and get so hammered that they don't even realize that there's been a cave-in, and that some of their own are trapped in the mines below. Cannibalism and insanity ensue. Also, murder.  

"I'm out of my mine!" (Get it? Mine? Heh.)

Harry Warden -the one guy to survive the horrible cave-in- goes insane, kills some people, and warns the town to never celebrate the Big V again... Which of course means that at some point, his demands are going to be ignored, because there would be no movie otherwise. Years later, a bunch of sex-crazed Canadian kids are planning a big V-Day bash as an excuse to drink, get laid, and get picked off one by one by an insane miner bent on revenge. Intrigue, romance, 80's hairdo's, bad Canuck accents, and a veritable ton of pick-axe violence ensue. 

It doesn't really end well for anyone.

The only thing I ever disliked about this movie was the lack of blood; every kill scene seemed to cut away and imply what happened, instead of showing us what happened in all of its gory glory... well no more! 

The new Special Edition DVD gives us all the gore that the film makers originally intended us to see, and it finally makes this this bloody Slasher Classic into the film that it always deserved to be:
  

• The impaling scene before the credits is restored. 
• The dryer scene is longer and nastier. 
• The bartender getting the axe through the chin and eye is back. 
• The face boiling scene has an extra shot. 
• The shower scene is longer and more graphic.
• The nail gun scene is longer and more disturbing.
• The decapitation/hanging is fully restored. 
• The arm cut off at the end is there.
• ...and there's a few more scenes which I'm convinced were tinkered with, although I can't be sure until I watch the "cut" version again. 

What a great movie. Fun, creepy, and now, totally bloody! MBV looks and feels like an 80's movie, and how can you not love that?  

So 80's...

It's a shame that we've had to wait nearly three decades to get a complete version of this film on DVD. The re-inserted gore scenes that were forcibly cut by the MPAA are great, and finally make the movie seem truly bloody; unfortunately, they old prints that they're taken from are noticeably worn, and look a bit out of place. It's great to finally get to see them in the film, but sad that we had to wait so long, and that we had to get them in such rough shape.

We know, sugar, the MPAA sucks so much ass that it's terrifying.

 

The ending was not only perfect, but it also totally set us up for a sequel... so why did we never get one?

"I can has sequel now?"

Fresh human hearts, ripped open chest cavities, impaling, multiple acts of pick-axe violence, a beheading, nail gun violence, and the awesome dryer scene. Thank you, Special Edition DVD!  

Next time, get a better tattoo. Wait, there won't be a next time...

There is not so much as one damn exposed boob in this movie. I'm disappointed in you, 80's Slasher movie.

"Sarah, be My Bloody Valentine..."

Insane Miners are pretty good poets. Also, it takes a lot of determination and will to cut off your own arm with a pocket knife.

Aah, poetry!

 

A true genre classic, MBV is one 80's Slasher that should be seen and loved by all. It has the classic old school feel about it, it packs some pretty good scares, a creepy atmosphere, some hot 80's-style chicks, and finally, it's got a bunch of awesome gore. I'm kinda excited to see the new 3-D remake, but this one will always hold a special place in our Horror Hearts. Go pick up the Special Edition DVD now!

A

My Bloody Valentine is available now on Blu-ray and DVD.

Unfortunately, Cynthia Dale's dance/karate fight showdown with Harry Warden couldn't be restored in full. I guess some things are forever lost to time...