Solo Review: Last House in the Woods (2008)

Sub-Genre- Survival Horror
Members of Note- A bunch of Italian actors whom I'm not familiar with.

Last House in the Woods is about a bunch of fast-driving Italians, and how they ultimately learn that speed kills. It's also about a house, but that doesn't even really move, so... let's just say that it's about both. Speed, and a house that doesn't move at all. Don't question me.

Basically, a chick dumps her boyfriend, yet decides to give him one last hand-job deep in the forest, and nearly gets raped by three Guido's because of it; thank god a nice (creepy) man with a gun happens by and chases them off, offering to help (kill) the troubled couple, back at his home.

This guy has some issues.

So the lovebirds meet the guy's family, and that's when the creepiness begins; one of the brood has a pulsating goiter on his neck, one looks like half of a burned mongoloid marshmallow, and the little kid... the kid has sharp teeth like a friggin' mutant. Also, they really want to eat the happy couple, and thus they begin torturing and hurting them in crazy sick ways.

I won't ruin the ending for you here, but lemme just say that the one guy's fucking goiter explodes all over another guy, and it almost made us hurl.

Rape... rescue... it's all in a days work!

This movie reminds me of the Italian Horror flicks of the late 70's/early 80's, except this one makes way more sense than most of those ever did. It's not perfect mind you, but it manages to be entertainingly exploitative enough while not insulting my intelligence at the same time. It's a nice homage. I just like the feel of this movie, from the music to the camera work; it makes me remember a better day where slaughtering people was more of an art form.

The gore here is also reminiscent of old Italian Horror flicks, because there is a ton of it, and the filmmakers don't shy away from the violence at all. This movie is rough and visceral, and gore fans should love it.

She's been through a lot, huh?

Yet another movie that makes me terrified to travel to Europe. Seriously, is Swiss Horror next? France, England, Italy... they're ruined Europe for me!

Why is a kid eating a human leg? And what's with those teeth?!? And what's with that goiter on the other dudes neck... and why is it exploding in a storm of pus on some guys face?!?!? What in the hell is going on here?!?

Mangia, you little fucking creep!

Yep, this movie is filled with some really nasty gore, and there's lots of it.

That's not what we meant by "disarm" him!

Nope, all we get to see in this one is some undies.

Swiss Miss is a whore.

"Vaffanculo!" or " Vaffanculo botana!" You get the point I'm sure.

People in Italy drive like assholes. Also, who knew that rapists had the potential to be so helpful?

Crying only makes it worse.

This is the kind of solid, above-average genre flick, that despite it's flaws, I wish they would make more of. Bloody, nasty, and oddly reminiscent of Horror days gone by, Il Bosco fuori is definitely worth picking up and checking out when you can.

B-

Last House in the Woods is available now on DVD and VOD.

I do not trust her. Not at all.