November 11, 2008

Review: Underworld (2003)

Sub-Genre- Vampires
In Attendance- Me, Machine, Geo and Chris; with brief appearances by Christian, J.P. and Frank. Cast Members of Note- The uber-hotness of Kate Beckinsale... Bill Nighy, and Scott Speedman (neither of whom are hot.)

Underworld is basically a story about a hot, slutty-looking Vampire who runs around in tight leather outfits, narrating her own movements, and doing drastically Matrix-like jumps, flips, and poses.

Also, there is this story about Werewolves (who are really called Lycans) and how they like to kill Vampires, but oddly enough, the bloodsuckers don't really like it all that much. Undead karate fighting ensues.

Who will win the war? Will the producers of the Matrix sue the Underworld team for stealing their moves? Will Kate Beckinsale get naked, thus pleasing me and every man on the planet? I won't tell you! (The naked stuff is a no go though.)

At least she gets wet.
Underworld was fun, visually pleasing, intense, and it  stars Kate Beckinsale... what more could Vampire lovers ask for? The whole Romeo and Juliet theme is at play here, and works fairly well as applied to the Vamps and Werewolves, managing not to dwell on the sappy stuff for too long.

I almost want to say that Underworld is more of an action flick than it is Horror, but the subject matter won't let me do that. It's not scary or creepy at all, but it does pack one hell of a bloody, violent, action-packed punch.

One of the coolest vampires ever.
Where was the excessive Vampire chick nudity?!?

Lots of guns though...
Seriously, where was the nudity? And for that matter, where was the hot Vampire lesbian kiss scene? Yes, I have issues.

She has that longing look in her eye.
Underworld contains all kinds of Vampire on Werewolf violence, and should satisfy your blood lust. I especially like the U.V. bullets.

No, and what a waste! Kate Beckinsale is one of the hottest chicks ever, and plus all Vampire chicks are hot. And where was the lesbian scene?!?! Ugh.

Bite me. Please.
"We put the bullets back in."

Werewolves are actually called Lycans. Also, Romeo and Juliet can be retold under any setting.

Shot through the heart, and she's to blame.
This is a pretty slick, kick-ass Vampire story, and should please action fans as well as Vamp flick fanatics. Own this one.


Underworld is available now on Blu-ray, DVD, and VOD.

She is one of the hottest chicks ever...

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