Solo Review: Eden Lake (2008)

Sub-Genre- Survival
Cast Members of Note- Michael Fassbender (of 300 fame), and the lovely Kelly Reilly.

A dumb British couple decides it would be romantic to drive into the deep woods (where nobody lives except a bunch of ill-mannered, homicidal Chavs), and go camping for the weekend. So determined are they to have a fun weekend, that not even a bunch of rude, foul-mouthed, tire slashing kids can stop them from having a good time!

Aren't you glad you stood your ground and didn't go home?!?

The kids decide to play a game with the fun loving couple called "we're going to kill you," which involves chasing them throughout the vast expanse of the woods, and torturing them in many horrible ways. It's almost like a game of Ghost in the Graveyard really, except in this version, you really may end up passing away and becoming a ghost. Good times.

I won't ruin the ending for you here, but let me just say that it's no wonder that Chavs are usually such shitty people, because they have even shittier parents.

"I'm Cook!"

This movie is a pretty tense and disturbing ride. I mean, watching a group of violent kids torture and terrorize a vacationing couple in twisted ways is not the least bit comfortable to watch. The social fears played upon in this movie are what make Eden Lake truly disturbing; a bunch of kids acting this way isn't something that is too unimaginable, and it makes us all feel as if we could be next at some point, if we were dumb enough to go camping in the deep woods. Which we aren't, of course.

It's also kinda fun to see a pre-fame Michael Fassbender in a Horror flick.

Someday, he'll be a star.

Just once in a Horror movie, can someone do the sensible thing and get the hell out of dodge before things that are already bad, get even worse? And seriously, would you really drive out into the country, pop a tent on a beach filled with white trash punks, and just think nothing would happen, especially after calling them dicks? There were some things that the main characters did that were just plain dumb, and only served to aggravate their situation. Would you camp for a second night where some kids had flattened your tire earlier? Wouldn't you think that things could only get worse from there?

The main characters really make some dumb decisions in this movie, and in the end, it makes me sympathize with them far less.

Yes, I am judging you.

Chavs; Great Britain's answer to white kids that think they're 50 Cent. Cock the hat sideways, drop the pants, and start writing rhymes... then run 'round actin' awl tuff an what not, terrorizing any ponce what doesn't show you da propa respect, mate! UGH.

He's Cook, so he's allowed to Chav it up a bit  if he wants to.

People tied up with barbed wire, random cutting and slashing, a box cutter rooted around in a mouth, glass shards to the neck... this movie was full o' blood.

You should have stayed home, luv.

This movie did not make the most of Kelly Reilly's magnificent rack.

Sweet Jesus.

"I'm not going to be bullied off by a bunch of 12 year-olds." Indeed.

Asshole kids are a worldwide epidemic. Also, people in small English Villages are not all that friendly either.

You're showering wrong.

Maybe I'm too harsh on Horror movies, because people acting stupid are pretty necessary for them to exist, but I'm tired of watching flicks where I think "who would honestly do that?" This one was great in a lot of ways, but it could have been much better with a healthy dose of realism/common sense thrown in the mix. Still, it's a fun watch, and you should definitely check it out.

C

Eden Lake is available now on DVD, and VOD.

Kelly Reilly may be the hottest redhead to ever come out of England.