Solo Review: Donkey Punch (2008)

Sub-Genre- Survival/Thriller
Cast Members of Note- Jaime Winstone, who we've adored ever since seeing her in the BBC Zombie mini-series, Dead Set.

Three young, hot, British tramps are on vacation in Spain, and they decide to go off on a boat with four guys who are looking to bang some tramps. They smoke, drink, do ecstasy, do some crystal meth, and basically whore it up like the tarts that they are. Obviously, group-sex ensues... Seriously, like "five-in-a-room" group-sex. It's a thing of beauty, really.

She looks like someone with good decision making skills, doesn't she?

This orgy is really working out well so far... wait a minute... oh great, the namby-pamby virgin ruins it all with a "Donkey Punch" gone wrong! Way to spoil the orgy, loser! With their friend having been donkey-punched to death, the other girls don't want to party any more, so the guys decide to dump the dead ho over the side... and then shit pops off and mayhem ensues!

Donkey Punch!

Will the sluts survive the night? Will women ever learn that there are consequences for being a whore? Will anyone get a "Louisiana Swamp Donkey" before the trip is through? I won't ruin the ending here, but suffice it to say the should have just headed back to port.

They're about to get a "Rusty Wheelbarrow."

Donkey Punch is a movie that shows how fun it can be to let loose and party, and how horribly wrong it can go in the blink of an eye. It's bad enough being irresponsible, but add in a little bit of stupidity, and situations arise that show you just how far people will go to ensure their survival. The movie is pretty effective throughout, although the stupidity of some of the characters was maddening. It certainly held my attention though, and I really did like the ending.

You brought this on yourself!

It's bad enough that these girls would act like such blatant sluts, do drugs, and have sex with guys that they don't know, in a foreign country; but when the guys kill one of their friends, and are obviously worried about getting in trouble for it, why would theses stupid twits yell at them and threaten to call the Police? They do know that they're trapped in the middle of the ocean on a yacht with these creepers, right? I think I'd shut my mouth, go along with whatever they wanted, and then go to the Cops quietly once I was back on land. That's just me though, I'm rational. That's why I'm a guy.

Meth Whores never win, people. (Fergie is a rare exception to this rule.)

In addition to a "Donkey Punch," we find out what "Getting Tarmac'd" is, and how to give a "Turkey Slapper." I'm just glad they didn't go the "Retarded Screech-Owl" route... that would have been rough to watch.

That bitch wants revenge.

There is a pretty good stabbing, some torture, various open wounds, various cuts and scrapes, someone getting set on fire, and of course, the Donkey Punch. There's one really great gag towards the end that I think I'll leave a mystery, because it's too nasty good to spoil.

Bet you're not so keen on going to the Police now, are you?

Score! Boobs, Butts, lesbian action, group-sex... there's even some penis for the ladies! (and of course our gay friends out there.) Finally, a Horror flick with some dirt! Thank you British filmmaker people, thank you.

This film is not kid friendly.

"That's fuck all. You ever heard of a Dirty Sanchez?"

Avoid giving people the dreaded "Donkey Punch". Also, being a slut seldom pays off.

R.I.P. slags.

Sometimes great, but mostly above average, Donkey Punch is just messed-up enough to entertain you if you want something fun to watch. Give it a rent, as it's not a bad way to spend some free time.

C+

Donkey Punch is available now on DVD and VOD.

You're a bad girl, Jaime WInstone.... luv ya! *Jaime Winstone is not in the first picture, but they look like bad girls too, so...