Horror Hotties: The Girls of True Blood (2008)

As a little tribute to True Blood, which ended last Sunday night, we wanted to spotlight the part of the show that truly gives it it's edge; the hot chicks*! (*Not every chick from the show is included here, just the ones that we'd really enjoy stalking.)

Anna Paquin- Sookie- She's the main girl; kinda awkward, a bit strange, sweet, curious, confused, sometimes annoying... but we love her none the less. I'll admit that she's a bit odd looking, but that doesn't stop her from being caught between the boundaries of cute and sexy.

Carrie Preston- Arlene- The fact that Carrie Preston is married to Ben Linus from LOST, one of the best shows ever, automatically makes her aces in our book. Plus, she has a fairly cute whiskey-tango (white trash) thing going for her character that makes us really like her.

Lizzy Caplan- Amy- I know she's dead on the show now, but damn was she ever hot. She was too sexy to die, and now we will never see just how naked she would have gotten for us. Sigh.

Kristin Bauer- Pam- We don't see enough of Pam on the show, but it's always nice when we do. She needs a hot vamp-human lesbian affair storyline or something... Yeah, that would work.

Michelle Forbes- Maryann- Am I crazy, or does she just keep getting hotter with age? She's definitely up to no good, but I'm hoping that she's so evil that she forsakes clothes at some point. I mean we've already seen her naked with a pig...

Deborah Ann Woll- Jessica- Damn, she seems to be as much trouble as she is hot, but I'm a guy, so I'm all for it. I like hot messes. I can't wait to see what they do with our favorite baby vamp.

These girls of True Blood are many things, but sexy and sassy seems to sum it up nicely. Can't wait to see what they get up to in Season 2.

Review: Undead (2003)

Sub-Genre- Zombie/Comedy
In Attendance- Me, Machine, Geo and Chris (And a bunch of onlookers who sat in the kitchen and laughed at us...)
Cast Members of Note- A bunch of Aussie blokes I'm not too familiar with, and the hotness of Felicity Mason.

A small Aussie town is besieged by zombie fish, and an odd rain that makes it burn when you pee, turning the simple-minded residents into crazed Outback Hillbilly Zombies. Also, Aliens are behind the whole thing.

"Grrrr.... oy!"

Luckily, there's a creepy redneck guy who know Karate and Gun-kata, who does his best to save the day! He fails of course, as his Kung-Fu is no match for an Alien invasion, but he really gives it a good try. As a reward for his failure, everyone in town pretty much gets lifted into the sky, and held prisoner in mid-air. Yes, this movie is really crazy.

You thought I was being a smart ass didn't you? There are really Aliens in this Zombie movie. Who's the smart ass now, eh?

I don't want to spoil the ending for you here, as it ends up being pretty cool, but suffice it to say that I never knew Aliens and Zombies could be friends.

Craziest Zombie movie ever.

Why do the Brits and Aussies seem able to pull off the Horror Comedy so well, while filmmakers here in the U.S. rarely get it right? (The Slither's of the world are sadly few and far between.) I guess I'm just glad that at least somebody is getting it right.

There are times while watching Undead where we couldn't help but laugh, or say "Oh my God," and if you've already seen it, then you know exactly what parts I mean. This movie is crazy, and despite the heavily cheese-laden plot that runs alongside of the blood, gore, and Zombie goodness, I can't help but love the little flick.

Undead fits pretty well on the shelf with Shaun of the Dead, Severance, Slither and the like... all of which remind us that were allowed to have fun with Horror flicks now and then, and not feel guilty about it.

I dare you to tell me you don't want this gun.

What is this, The Matrix?

Or maybe it's Fire in the Sky?

Zombie fish... I'm half rolling my eyes, half vowing never to venture onto a lake again!

Unless I had these guns. Then, Zombie fish wouldn't scare me at all.

There are plenty of severed limbs, random acts of violence, and other messy undead shenanigans to keep the Gorehounds amongst us satisfied.

Zombies, Zombies, Zombies, oi, oi, oi!

Nope, and what a fantastic waste of potential boobage.

So much potential...

"I'll fuckin' finish you off faster than a fuckin' birthday cake at a fat chick's fuckin' birthday party!"

Rain is evil. Also, Australian people can do crazy Matrix-esque moves when surrounded by Zombies.

Just another day in OZ.

Undead is definitely over the top in some aspects, and tongue-in-cheek for most of it's duration, but it's a really, really fun movie that should delight most Horror fans. I urge everyone to give this one a spin in the DVD player, and enjoy.

B

Undead is available now on DVD.

Felicity Mason is really hot. I hope we see more of her soon. Naked.

Quick Review: Saw V (2008)

This series needs to stop.

The traps are still cool, the blood and gore content still flows hot and heavy, but can the plot get any more convoluted?

Parts of this one take place concurrently with parts of both Saw 3 and 4, and parts of it are directly related to the goings on of Saw 1 and 2... By the end of the movie, I didn't care who had been doing what or why, because with all of the jumps in both plot and logic, I just wanted it to be over.

And are they serious handing the "bad guy" reins over to Costas Mandylor? Can you name one thing other than Mobsters he was in that was any good? No, you sure can't. He's no Tobin Bell... and in fact, they may as well call the character Crapsaw now.

This series is starting to get as lame as an M.Night Shaymalananan movie; wow, another breathtaking "twist" ending that leaves us feeling both underwhelmed and cheated. Hooray. It's not total garbage or anything, but Saw V is light years from being as good as the first Saw was, and they really need to get back to basics with this series... because you know that Saw VI is coming.

Review: My Name is Bruce (2008)

Sub-Genre- Horror Comedy
In Attendance- Me, Machine, Chris, and Susan.
Cast Members of Note- Bruce Campbell, only one of the coolest guys ever, and some hot chick who I never knew existed named Grace Thorsen.

In this movie, Bruce Campbell's character is a star of a bunch of crappy B-movies, and is also a prick. His wife left him for his sleazy agent and is trying to bleed him dry, he hangs out with (pre-op) Tranny Hookers on his birthday, his dog is an alcoholic, he lives in a trailer, he drives a crappy old beat-up junker of a car... I didn't know things had been so rough for him since Evil Dead. Poor guy.

So he's kidnapped by a crazed fan to fight the Chinese God of Bean Curd Protection (yes, really), and save some podunk little redneck town from certain doom... like, bean curd doom? Anywho, the town is full of gay cowboys, hicks, a girl with the best boobs ever, and some more hicks.

I don't want to spoil the moviefor you here, because really there isn't much to spoil, but I will say that plenty of Demon ass is kicked!

Love the shirt.

Bruce Campbell; the name just screams goodness, doesn't it? This movie was more funny that it was horrific, but it doesn't matter; from start to finish I loved it, especially since it was being cheesy on purpose. Nobody does what Bruce does as well as he does... he's bad-ass and funny all in the same bag. But then, you already knew that.

Aside from the awesomeness that is Bruce, The next best thing about this movie is this little sassbox in the picture below; Grace Thorsen is a new Hottie to us, and she may just have the best boobs ever. She needs to get herself some more Genre work, now!

Those talents...

 

"I wish I could quit you?" Seriously?

How in the hell does pee taste like lemon water? That's just so wrong.

Don't ask.

Despite there being all kinds of beheading and slashing, the gore was more campy that in was disturbing. If gore can be fun, then this gore was really fun. Yet gory. Whatever.

No naked goodness, but Grace Thorsen has some primo sweater monkeys that NEED to be unleashed..

!!!

"For the love of God man, I can smell her Chapstick." or "Are you ok, Honey?"

Bruce Campbell is golden in everything he touches. Also, bean curds stave off Demons. Who knew?

The man makes what is goofy, into fun.

This movie is just a plain old fun, tongue-in-cheek, take-it-seriously-and-you're-missing-the-point, type of film experience. Bruce proves again that he's the man, and that the Genre absolutely needs what he brings to the table. Go see it if you can, and grab the DVD when it hits stores!

C+

My Name is Bruce is available now on Blu-ray, DVD, and VOD.

She has no idea how accurate "The Loading Zone" decal on her shirt is...