Solo Review- Black Christmas (2006)

Sub-Genre- Slasher
Cast Members of Note- Lots of yumminess on display here from the likes of Michelle Trachtenberg, Lacey Chabert, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Katie Cassidy and Crystal Lowe.

A bunch of hot, bitchy, slutty chicks (a.k.a. Sorority Girls) get what's coming to them! I suppose another way to look at it would be, a bunch of College Coeds are mercilessly tormented and hunted down by a deranged maniac, but I think the first one is more accurate.

Just calling it like I see it, ladies.

Years before all of that happens though, we meet Billy; a kid who is yellow, only not in a "Coward of the County" sort of way. He's actually yellow. Dirty piss-yellow even. Because of this, no one likes him, so his Mom has sex with him and locks him in the attic. She doesn't even let him down to see his Daughter/Sister, Agnes, although he eventually rips her eye out and makes cookies from his mom's flesh.

Mmm, Christmas.

So, needless to say that Billy is pissed off, insane, and yellow, and he wants Santa to bring him some dead whores for Christmas. He also has this odd thing about eye violence. Also, he likes to tap dance, which comparatively, isn't so odd. I won't ruin the ending here, but suffice it to say that plenty of whores die, and it isn't pretty. Also, there is NO tap dancing. That kinda sucked.

She should have thought ahead. Zing!

As remakes go, this one was a decent effort. I didn't like the whole sequence at the end, but overall, I have to admit that this was a fun little flick. The backstory aspect of things was interesting, and ended up providing some pretty good bloody moments of its own.

At least it was Rated R and didn't shy away from the gore and violence. The "let's make it PG-13 so we can make more money" remake shit needs to end. Slasher flicks exist to show hot, ill-behaved girls getting killed off in nasty, messy ways. In that, this film nailed it. Nice job here guys. You didn't piss me off with this one.

Oh, hey Billy... you fucking creep.

Billy is Agnes' Brother... and Dad? Eeew.

All of the hookery hotness jam-packed into this movie, and we get and barely any nudity? Come on!

You dirty, dirty girl.

Good stuff; candy cane-to-jugular violence, pen-to-eye violence, sugar cookies made of skin, multiple stabbings, eye ripping, eye eating... you know, this movie really does have a ton of eye violence.

Women drivers, lol.

Crystal Lowe takes a shower for us, although the view isn't quite perfect. There are also a few sex scenes, but we don't see much skin in them. What a missed opportunity.

"It's raining hail the size of Yao's ball sack." or "I'm going to kill you."

Christmas is a time for evil.

That's Agnes. Seriously.

I hate remakes for the most part, but they did a pretty good job with this one. It's bloody, creepy and an overall fun time. This will be going in our collection in short order, and we urge you to check it out... especially during the Holiday Season.

B

Black Christmas is available now on DVD and VOD.

This movie is just full of Horror Hotties, so click below to see more of them. If you wanna.