DVD Review: Videodrome (1983)

In Attendance- Me, Geo, Machine, Chris, and Christian.
Cast Members of Note- James Woods and Debbie Harry (a.k.a. Blondie)

Max Renn is a sleazy perv who runs a porn channel, so naturally, he goes in search of snuff, because that's what porn makes you do, right? I mean, watching sex definitely turns 99% of humans into horrible monsters who crave death and violence. It's science. Ask the Catholic Church or PMRC, they'll tell you. Wait... not science then... sin? Whatever.

Born to sin.

He receives a tape called Videodrome, which must be laced with acid, and begins to hallucinate the craziest things; clowns on trampolines riding tricycles; midgets spinning plates; Debbie Harry naked... He even grows a stomach vagina, which turns out to be real. He can hide things in it, so, neat.

You thought I was lying, didn't you? Ha!

Soon enough, Max starts dressing up as Lazer-Man and basically becomes an assassin of the new flesh. TV is his enemy, and he's out to stop anyone that he can from watching it! This of course involves having kinky sex with Blondie, and being whacked out of his mind on "drugs" the whole time, but who am I to judge? The guy really gets some things accomplished in this one, so go for it, man.

Far be it from me to ruin the ending for you here, but suffice it to say that it ends badly for everyone involved.

Lazer-Man rules.

Movies like this really make me miss the 80's. Horror these days is all about quick cuts and jump scares; neat endings that resolve/explain everything (while managing to set you up for the ill-advised sequel); crisp visuals and utter lack of any terrifying atmosphere... Gone (mostly) are mood and pacing, letting some things remain unanswered, or god forbid making you use your mind to figure them out for yourselves. Horror movies of today often times don't have what it takes to fuck you up enough to remember them ten minutes after seeing them, let alone sticking with you for a longer period of time.

How could you ever forget this?

Cronenberg always delivers on those fronts though. He grabs you, strokes your hair, relaxes you, and by the time you notice the pipe bomb that he's shoved up your ass, it's far too late to escape... and then boom! You feel a mess and aren't sure what just hit you, but you know you are different somehow. And dirtier. He is the master of "Body Horror" (in which your body fails/rebels against you), and it's terrifying on a deeper level than most hack-and-slash movies ever could be. He still makes great movies, though they aren't Horror, and I can't complain one bit about films like Eastern Promises or A History of Violence, I just wish he'd make a Horror movie now and then. He's so damn good at it! You really do need to see this one if you haven't. If not, you're missing out.

Cronenberg was certainly a visionary.

James Woods is very self-destructive.

Don't do it, James!

Why does Cronenberg insist on making me afraid of my own body? I feel like every woman I've ever dated after watching his films; confused, afraid and often times repulsed... an yet I keep coming back for more. Hmmm.

Stomach Vagina.

James Woods has a stomach vagina that hides things and eats hands; a flesh gun turns someone into a mess of tumors; a TV literally spills its guts... there's some good gore to be had here.

"I can't believe I ate the whole thing."

Debbie Harry and James Woods both get naked... which includes Blondie using her boobs as an ashtray. Yum. Also, a naked chick gets flogged.

You crazy bitch.

"Long live the new flesh." or "Careful... it bites."

Debbie Harry is a bit of a slut. Also, TV is bad for you. Also, Viggo loves him some Cronenberg.
 

"Kiss me, you creepy fuck..."

This is another Cronenberg masterpiece; the guy just knows how to get in your head and make you feel VERY uneasy about everything, especially your own body. Own it, or you're missing out.

A

Videodrome is available now on Blu-ray, DVD, and VOD.

Call Me, indeed.