August 12, 2008

Review: The Blob (1988)

In Attendance- Me, Eryn, The Vanilla Gorilla, and Nick.
Cast Members of Note- Hotties Shawnee Smith and Erika Eleniak (only in one scene), Kevin Dillon (Johnny Drama from Entourage), and a guy that looks like Famous Amos.

Essentially, The Blob is the story about the plight of space Jell-O; tired of being called "the lamest dessert, " and just angry at life in general, it travels to Earth and decides "Hey, I'm gonna eat people for a change, and see how they like it!" Thus, the havoc begins.

They are probably not going to like it at all.
The greasy, leather-wearing, town bad boy decides "Fuck that, Jell-O ain't eatin' me!" and starts popping wheelies on his motorcycle. Since being fired from the carnival, he hasn't had much of a chance to do any trick riding... I wonder if these new developments will finally let him do any cool jumps or life-saving, gravity-defying maneuvers? Yeah, you know it's gonna happen.

His trailer park Evel Knievel act is too much for the town Hottie to resist, so she hooks up with him, trading in her pom-poms for cigarettes and danger. Together, they battle the raging mass of (strawberry?) Jell-O, a gang of evil government assholes, and the town's disdain for their forbidden love.

Popping wheelies into girls hearts since 1988.
Far be it from us to ruing the ending for you here, but suffice it to say that things get really messy, and as usual, it's a creepy *Priest that fucks everything up.*No small boys were harmed or fondled during the making of this motion picture.

*Cue the best Swedish Hard Rock song of the 80's.
This 80's remake of the 1958 Steve McQueen classic is just about as good a remake can be; it's fun, it's gloriously gory, it boasts some great FX (especially for its time), and it has one of the greatest closing songs ever... what more can you really ask for? *The song that plays over the closing credits is "Brave New Love" by the Swedish rock band, Alien. It's a kick-ass song that is always in heavy rotation on our iPods, and we mean their whole album, not just the single.

The Blob is one of the most enjoyable Horror movies to come out of the 80's, and it's one of our all-time faves.

Kevin Dillon rules as the town rebel, and he gets the hot love of Shawnee Smith at the end, which makes him even cooler. It's his power mullet. How can she resist that!?! I can't even resist it, and I'm not even gay. Anymore.

It's also fun to note that the screenplay was written by Frank Darabont (The Walking Dead, The Shawshank Redemption, The Green Mile), so you know that it's gong to be solid from a writing standpoint.

Pappy never had a chance.
Why Shawnee Smith wasn't naked in this, I'll never know. Erika Eleniak too, for that matter.

Perfect. Now hold still...
Not gonna lie; I'm kinda scared of Jell-O now.

Laugh if you will, but that shit'll kill you!
Plenty of body-melting goodness in this one, as The Blob pretty much dissolves, smothers, smashes, chokes and eats anything in it's way. The gooey effects in this one are just awesome.

God I wish.

Jell-O is evil. Also, Kevin Dillon wears a power mullet surprisingly well.

What are you dreaming of, sweet little Shawnee? Our bet is penis.
The Blob is a cool, fun Horror flick from the 80's that doesn't insult the viewer's intelligence by taking itself too seriously, while not ever letting itself get too silly at the same time. The characters are likable, the FX are top-notch, and it has one of the coolest closing credits songs ever.

As Horror remakes go, this is one of the better efforts we've ever seen. Own this movie, or risk being lame.


The Blob is available now on DVD and VOD.

Shawnee Smith and Erika Eleniak are in this. Double yum.


  1. A classic. I don't know any Hororite (I think I just made up a word!) who hasn't seen this movie, and I don't know anyone who grew up in the 80s/90s who wasn't scared to fucking death of Jell-O for a period of no less than six months no more than ten years by this behemoth of a flick.


  2. the guy who thought they were gonna pop his daughter's cherry was hilarious... also you can see the opening in the guy melting suit