Running Commentary Review- Gozu (2003)

A Few Quick Words- Takashi Miike is a brilliant filmmaker. He often fuses graphic violence and perverse sexual situations together to push the envelope of decency and convention, which is often times repulsive, but still, it's hard to deny his talent. He is a fan of Cronenberg and Lynch, which makes perfect sense. This movie is going to fuck you up.

Start- As the Yakuza gather in a small restaurant, Ozaki watches some creepy movie on an old TV, and goes insane.

3:11- Ozaki demonstrates just how bat-shit crazy he is by announcing that the chihuahua outside is mocking him, and is also a trained Yakuza assassin dog. He then proceeds to head outside and beat it to death.

10:00- On a drive through the country with his crimey, Ozaki spots a Yakuza car that wants to kill them. The Car wants to kill them... so yeah, it's another assassin.

19:52- Minami, fearing Ozaki is dead (from the Yakuza assassin car), stops for tea. The waiter, who is wearing a black bra and see-through mesh blouse, seems pleasant enough.

21:45- In-ground urinal barfing.

24:00- Petite Asian Boobie alert! The Boss has sex with some hot girl... with a ladle shoved up his ass. When she starts manipulating it with her foot, his cries of "Hai, det,det,det,det ,det!" made me want to cry a little. Or a lot.

"You want rick my radle now?"

31:12- Some guy named Nose asks Minami if his face is creepy. He then starts to pick at the flaky scabs.

34:40- "We all need to help one another" becomes the theme of the movie. Or not. Some creepy dude in an old bus inside of a junkyard will help Minami find the missing Ozaki if he can answer one question, and if he can't answer, creepy dude will take something extremely important to him as punishment. The question: What passes by, though it's not moving? Time! It's time! Ha! I'm really good at riddles.

43:09- Creepy-ass hotel time! Some dirty old lady and her mongoloid son run things here, and are kind enough to offer food to wary travelers. They are low on ingredients though, so Course A is out... luckily though, they can still prepare Course B! While they are preparing the meal, she breaks in on Minami while he's bathing and wants to help... then she starts lactating, which runs down her leg in a thick stream as she squeezes her ninety year old cans. Really. Minami refuses to drink it, and makes her feel like an old whore. She pretty much is an old whore.

48:18- Minami is full from eating Course B, which looked like goats balls and ham to me, when he notices lactation dripping into one of his bowl from a light fixture on the ceiling. He then goes into a trance, having a flashback about surgery, and wakes to find the bowl filled with old tit milk. I'm honestly not trying to be clever here. This shit all happens.

59:05- When this guy comes riding along, you know trouble rides with him.

His street name is Old-Ho.

61:09- Random baby crying. (There is no baby in this film.)

71:08- Racism alert! An old man working at a rice factory tells Minami not to go to a particular liquor store... Because the owners wife is an American!!! Will the hate ever end?

73:40- The breast milk is really getting around town....

Come on kid. You're like 9.

75:57- The old whore is running a breast milk factory/smuggling operation!

83:36- Cowhead/Minotaur-looking guy shows up and licks Minami's face. The Cowman has a drooling problem; it looks like runny pancake batter is flowing from his mouth. Either that, or it's sperm.

Please don't be sperm.

89:21- Minami finds out that Ozaki was crushed to death in a junkyard car crusher. At least they saved his blood and innards in a rubber garbage can, and kept his skin hanging like a dry-cleaned suit in the other room.

91:45- Ozaki shows up in the body of a woman. To convince Minami that it's really him, the Ozaki/chick recalls sweet personal things about him that only he would know; he's a virgin, the first time he ever masturbated was to a picture of two dogs fucking, he shaves his pubes on a whim now and then... What a dick/bitch, he/she is!

104:37- Minami returns home to his Yakuza clan, and everyone thinks he's crazy. The Boss wants to have sex with the chick who claims to be Ozaki though, and get another ladle up his ass. He takes her home to rape her, and wants to pick out the perfect ladle for the occasion.

The anal-ladle collection.

113:43- Ass-ladle accident! Boss gets in a fight with Minami in mid-rape, and his ass ladle backfires, springing a leak then impaling him. Minami then uses a broken lamp with exposed wires to electrocute Boss through the metal ladle up his ass.

117:01- The weird shit gets even worse now; Ozaki/chick goes home with Minami and asks him to have sex with him/her. It's all well and good, both of them calling each other "brother" as they make creepy love, until they become stuck together. When Minami finally pulls free of her evil vagoo, he's shocked to see an arm protruding from within. Ozaki then begins to climb from the vagina, all slimed-up and naked... I swear to God, on the final push when he slides all the way out, you hear a BLOOP! like when you finger a glass Coke bottle.

How did someone get in there?!?

118:00- What just happened?

End- Takashi Miike has issues.

Gozu is an odd and disturbing movie that will no doubt have you saying WTF?!? many times throughout. There's no denying Takashi Miike's genius, just know that it's a genius made up of twisted perversion. But man, the guy is a genius.

A-

Gozu is available now on DVD.

Enjoy your nightmares.