Another quick one this week... We've seen them, we don't want to waste time reviewing them, we advise you to skip them.
The Haunted World of El Superbeasto
Lately, I'm at a loss for words when it comes to Rob Zombie; Halloween 2 was one of the worst movies I've seen this year (and decade); he's planning on remaking The Blob, with a creature that isn't a blob (?!?); and now this...
This movie is painfully bad. It looks great, and the voice actors have nothing to be ashamed of, but it's such a vulgar and random mess of lame crap, that the rest doesn't matter... and I like vulgar. I LOVE VULGAR. I really think though, that Rob Zombie uses vulgarity so much because he just doesn't know how to do anything else.
For instance, the main character is playing an Italian guy in a porn movie, and he's about to have sex with two girls and says "How do youa likea my cannoli now, heh?" Funny line! Right? Unless you're a 12-year-old boy, no.
Enough with the nods to the old school Horror of way, way back Rob, it's not clever anymore. We get that you like old and weird shit, but not many other people do, hence why it's not around anymore. The 15-year-old Adult Swim crowd might like this movie, but it's lost on me, and not because I don't get it.
Random and endless curse words, cartoon sluts, cartoon boobs, cartoon porn, jokes that aren't funny, annoyingly kitschy sound effects... this one is for the brain-dead only. Your next project better be stellar, Rob Zombie, because one more strike makes three, and at that point, you can go fuck yourself.
Graduation Day (1981)
I love cheesy 80's slasher flicks, but this one was just bad. From the horrible acting, to the seven-minute song sung live that seemed to never end, this was a painful movie to watch.Cheesy, slow, nearly bloodless, and unintentionally funny, skip this one unless you need a good laugh.. or a healthy cry.