Review: Carriers (2009)

"From now on when people cough, I will move away from them. Quickly."

In Attendance- Me and Machine.
Cast Members of Note- Lou Taylor Pucci, Chris Pine, Piper Perabo, Emily VanCamp, and Christopher Meloni.

A car full of sexy twenty-somethings are cruising through the desert on the way to their secret beach hideaway, desperately trying to escape the end of the world. Sounds like they're College Kids who are graduating and are scared that they actually have to start working for a living, right? Wrong! The world actually kinda ended thanks to a mean little virus, and they're actually trying to survive the pandemic, and not just keep on slacking in the safe world of keggers, sexy coeds, and meaningless sex.

Life is tough. Now open your eyes and drive.

When they happen upon a stranded father (Det. Stabler from Law & Order: SVU) and his virus-infected little girl, they do what anyone in their situation would do; they try to rob them for their car and leave them alone in the desert to die. You know you'd do the same thing. When a virus has ravaged the planet killing most of its inhabitants, all bets are off my friend.

The kids will be fine on their own, now run.

As they draw nearer to their oceanside safe haven, they encounter all sorts of obstacles which make them do all sorts of messed up shit to people, and one another. Will they make it there alive? If they make it there alive, will they escape the reach of the virus? If they escape the reach of the virus, will Emily VanCamp show her boobs for the good of all mankind? I sure hope the answer is yes on #3... Then again, it would have to be yes for all of them if it were... eh, you get my point.

Show them, and ease the pandemic in my pants, Emily.

Why this movie was finished in 2006 and promptly buried by Paramount until this year is beyond me; Carriers is a fast-paced, creepy-from-the-start panic flick, which while frustrating at times, seemed to evoke the right emotions in us when it counted. It's pretty bleak and depressing, and the theme of the whole thing is basically "Hope is Dead," but hey, so is my love life, and this movie is way more entertaining than that. Plus a movie is nothing without conflict, and this one has a ton of it, eventually coming between the main characters and driving the story in an even bleaker direction. 

The acting is top-notch as all of the leads are already established and solid thespians. This movie boasts the future Captain Kirk, the Femme Fatales from Revenge and Covert Affairs, and Don Draper's Daughter. The best amongst them has to be Lou Taylor Pucci and Christopher Meloni, who have yet to disappoint me in anything I've seen them in.

In an effort to be fair (we post A LOT of pics of scantily clad girls), here's one for the ladies and gay men that read our blog. Don't say I never gave you anything!

Why does every character in these "end of the world" type flicks always seem to do asinine things that always lead them into even more trouble? Let's drive all crazy because no one is on the road... oops, here comes a car! Let's spend the night in this abandoned hotel, but not bother to search every room... oops, someone with guns already lives here! Let's walk out onto the end of a diving board over a disease-filled pool and jump around like a moron... oops, lost my footing! Fucking morons like that deserve what they get.

Get closer, you'll be fine... oops, he's hungry!

That poor little girl. I know everyone in the world was screwed in this movie, but to watch that poor sick little girl struggle to stand and fall after walking just a few steps was truly heartbreaking. At least they didn't leave her to die in a port-a-potty or something...

"You're sick because you made God mad."

We get a little bit of blood when people cough it up and a few corpses, but this movie was light on the blood and gore.

Who's a hungry boy!

No, and it makes no sense. Emily VanCamp has dirty pillows from Heaven, and Piper Perabo is just dirty, so are you telling me we couldn't get a boob or a butt cheek or something? We got bra's and bikini's though, which was fun, so I digress.

"Do you like Captain Feathersword?" All the girls do. All of them.

I want a feathersword!

No one loves you enough to die for you. NO ONE. Also, hope is a lie.

Yeah, you're on your own.

This is a pretty decent little Post-Apocalyptic movie that never lets up on the dread or tension throughout its running time. If the idea of a pandemic scares you to death, then this movie surely will too. It's in limited release in a few cities around the country, so catch it if you get the chance.

B

Carriers is available now on DVD and VOD.

Living with Emily or Piper at the end of the world would not be all that bad.