Review: Vinyan (2009)

This movie is my biggest disappointment of the year so far...

Cast Members of Note- Emmanuelle Beart, Rufus Sewell, and Julie Dreyfus.

A Tsunami displaces thousands of kids and turns them into face-painted Lord of the Flies cast-members, including the son of our main characters. For the first 4 minutes of this movie were treated to huge,-blocky lettered credits, and some water bubbling. I guess that was the Tsunami that washed away their son?

Meet the crazy and "not worth the trouble" wife.

Anyways, a distraught mother "sees" her believed-to-be-dead son on a video tape of Thai orphans, and makes her husband take them to the jungles of Thailand to find him. They receive the help of a Thai girly-boy, who helps them find an underworld gangster, who promptly takes half a million of their money to find the boy, then does nothing for them. Another wispy Thai gangster kills the first one, and promises to help them instead.

"You like girly-boy?"

The wife proceeds to draw in books, babble incessantly, tries to swim after a boat, randomly freaks out, gives money away behind her husband's back, hits her hubby with a rock, gets rubbed-up by a cadre of small children... and I have nothing else to say.

"Boo, were scary. Or not."

Gorgeous locations and striking visuals are the highpoint of this film. The usually great actors involved were unfortunately given some shit parts, and didn't have much to work with. I had high hopes for this one, and on some levels it delivered, but overall it was the poor actions of the main characters that did the movie in. Once it became ridiculous, I started to notice how slow and uneventful it really was, and by the time anything happened, I didn't care.

It sure looked pretty though.

Am I wrong, or was the last scene in the movie a grade school gang-bang in the making? VERY odd.

Putain!

I can't begin to tell you how annoying and nonsensical the wife was in this movie. She sees the back of a kid on a video tape who she thinks is her lost son, makes her husband go into the jungles of Thailand and pay some Thai criminals half a million dollars to help them find him, proceeds to act bat-shit crazy, then screws hubby over at the end with "You let him go?" I would have divorced her on the spot.

With a gun.

This movie is very light on the gore. Aside from one scene at the end, and a few brief flashes here and there, it was pretty bloodless.

It made our soul bleed though, so that counts.

We do get Emmanuelle Beart naked, but some of it was creepy-style.

Tres magnifique.

"Josh, go home!" That made me laugh out loud.

Always ditch your crazy wife, especially if another hot chick is all over you. Also, once again, kids suck.

You stay here, I'll be back never.

This movie is frustrating on many levels, and rewarding on very few. I think it pissed me off so much because it had a lot of promise, but really just shit the bed. Lots of people might like this, I'm just not ever going to be one of them.

D

Emmanuelle Beart is hot.