Solo Review: The Unborn (2009)

Sub-Genre- Haunting/Possession
Cast Members of Note- Odette Yustman, Gary Oldman, Cam Gigandet, and my secret wife, Carla Gugino.

When a really hot Megan Fox clone finds out that she murdered her own twin while they were both still in mommy's tummy, odd things begin to happen to her; her eyes change color, giant Demon-Ants randomly attack her, babies die, creepy kids stand around and stare at her, people twist their necks all weird and scream at her... seems as if someone is about to get some murdered fetus justice!

Your sister sent me.

Realizing that a Demon has it in for her, she heads off to find her old Jewish Granny, who tells her that everything is happening because of the Nazi's. You see, their experiments into the occult lead them to unleash a hellish evil upon the world, the likes of which it had never seen before; that, and liverwurst. Ugh.

"Not liverwurst!"

At this point, realizing the old yenta is insane, Megan Fox's clone goose-steps her to death. Can a crazy Jewish Rabbi purge her of her Demons? Will the Megan Fox clone please get naked for us? Will Hollywood please realize that pale little children with blank looks on their faces just aren't scary anymore? Maybe, no, and no.

"Everyone!"

I think I may the only person reviewing this movie online that doesn't immediately scream "God, that was awful!," but I kinda liked it.

Lemme break you down as to why; as always, Gary Oldman's performance doesn't allow you to take your eyes off of him, even for a second; Odette Yustman is really hot; the movie itself has an interesting premise and delivers some decent scares now and then (although the "creepy otherworldly kid" thing has run it's course, thanks to that little suck-job of an actor, Cameron Bright); anything that Carla Gugino is in makes me instantly happy... or she at least makes anything far more watchable.

Sure, they should have pushed the envelope more, eased up on the jump scares, and came up with a FAR better ending than they did, but some of it worked, sometimes. I've seen a lot worse.

Why is she making that face and where is his hand?

I hate when compelling footage from a trailer doesn't end up in the movie... that's some disingenuous, shady, bait-and-switch type of shit right there. If you show it in your trailer, put it in your damned movie, liars.

Unrated Cut DVD I'm guessing? (I hate double-dipping studio's too.)

This scene played out differently in the movie...

Why do all of the Horror movies that I've seen lately have dead kids, dying kids, kids getting killed, or kids being tortured, in them? Can't we just get back to killing ignorant teenagers again?

Alright, you can probably kill this kid too...

It had a PG-13 amount of blood in it, but some of the death scenes were fairly cool. I like the reverse back snap myself.

We did get to see Odette Yustman showering from the back, and running around in her undies the whole movie. No true nudity, but it was still nice.

You filthy girl... scrub harder!

"He wants to be born now." or "I told you not to help her."

Jews perform Exorcisms... who knew? Also, Gary Oldman always shines, even when the movie he's in pretty much sucks.

Oh hell no.

This is one of those flicks that I know isn't very good, but that I kinda enjoyed anyways. I might have to see it again to cement my opinion, and an Unrated Version on DVD would certainly help the cause, but for now I'll just say you can do much worse than seeing The Unborn.

Catch a matinee and see it on the cheap, that way you save some $ if you end up feeling cheated.

C-

The Unborn is available now on Blu-ray, DVD, and VOD.

Carla Gugino is in this, and even if it's only for a few seconds, it's a good thing.