VOD Review:: Road Games (2016)

"This is not a remake of the 1981 Thriller starring Stacy Keach and Jamie Lee Curtis. Carry on."

(aka You Will Die in France.)
Release Date: March 4th.
Country: UK.
Rating: NR.
Written by: Abner Pastoll.
Directed by: Abner Pastoll.
Starring: Andrew Simpson, Joséphine de La Baume, Frédéric Pierrot, and the ever-lovely Barbara Crampton.

If we've learned anything from Horror films over the past decade or so, it's that the French Countryside is deadly, and you should probably avoid it if you want to continue living.

Movies like Haute Tension, Them (Ils), Calvaire, Frontiere(s), Martyrs and Vertige have all terrified us with their rural settings (to different extents), and let both tourists and local residents know that it's probably best to stick to the cities, and not venture too far off the beaten path.

While Road Games may not be as disturbing as many other great French Horror films are, and it's certainly nowhere near as bloody and violent, it brings an effective Hitchcockian flavor to the game that was at least refreshing and compelling.

After a shitty Summer vacation in France, Jack finds himself alone, penniless, and hitchhiking his way back to England. He has no luck catching a ride, as everyone passes him by rudely (with one little girl flipping him the bird), because French people are rude. Or it might be because there's a Serial Killer out there on the road who has been killing people and cutting them up into little pieces. Yeah, it's probably that.

THAT'S FRENCH FOR: "STAY THE FUCK OUT OF FRANCE IF YOU WANT TO LIVE."

During his travels, Jack rescues the smoking hot Veronique from her abusive boyfriend, and the two decide to hitchhike together, which is cool because that way he's not alone anymore. And plus she's smoking hot. After a while, the two are offered a ride from a creepy dude named Grizard who collects roadkill. They accept the offer, which includes a trip to his home to meet his wife and relax, which pretty much seals their fate.

WHO SAYS TRUE LOVE CAN'T BLOOM ON A SERIAL KILLER-PLAGUED ROADWAY IN FRANCE?

At Grizard's home, they meet his mousy, oddball wife Mary, who keeps trying to get then to run away, probably because her husband is creepy. In France, "run away" must mean "please sit down and have dinner with us, and then spend the night," because that's exactly what they do. After a night filled with everyone acting odd, we're not really sure who is up to what; is Jack the Serial Killer come to prey on his gracious hosts? Are Grizard and his American wife the ones ready to prey on their guests? Veronique is way too hot to needlessly kill, isn't she?

Far be it from us to spoil what happens next for you here, but suffice it to say that no one is what they seem, everyone is in danger, and there are mannequins involved. There are always mannequins involved.

SHOOT THE DAMNED MANNEQUIN!

Road Games was a well-crafted, slow burn of a Thriller that leaned far more on psychological terror than it did any sort of visceral thrills. This is a beautifully-shot movie with some gorgeous locations, and a compelling story that kept us engaged, even when we were frustrated with some of its developments. Now, we wish that the movie had given us some more blood and gore to chew on, but the way the whole thing was crafted, it didn't really need it to get by.

The best part of Road Games was the constant guessing game that it had us playing. Is Jack the Serial Killer that is terrorizing the French Countryside? No, it's got to be Grizard, because he's weird, angry, and obviously up to something. Then again his wife is shifty as hell, and maybe she's the one that we should be worried about. The whole thing felt rather Hitchcockian at times. I actually figured out the twist fairly early on; not because I'm some sort of genius with superhuman observational skills or something, but because it made sense, and was just obvious to me. I honestly had no idea where that twist would take the movie, or what it would mean for the characters in the end, but I really liked how it played out.

The cast was also a big part of why the movie worked as well. The always fantastic Frédéric Pierrot stole the show for us in this one, with his intense performance as Grizard. We had no idea who Joséphine de La Baume was before seeing this movie, and we were impressed with her performance, as well as her beauty. It's also always nice to see Barbara Crampton on-screen.

TRES MAGNIFIQUE!

After such a long, slow burn of a build up, the resolution of it all felt a little underwhelming to us. It's almost as if director Abner Pastoll had no idea what to do with the interesting characters and story that he spent the first hour of his film developing.

THERE ARE ALWAYS MANNEQUINS!!!

If there's one thing about this movie that irked the hell out of us, it was the constant switching between French and English dialogue. There were subtitles for some of it, but unless your French is good, you'll be lost, as most of it was purposefully left un-subbed for dramatic effect. We get why that was done, but they could have at least subbed more of the scenes that wouldn't have spoiled anything.

AND WHAT THE HELL WAS THIS GUY'S DEAL?

I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't expecting more blood and gore from a French Horror movie like this, even if it was a co-production with the UK, because I did, and it's not very bloody at all. The visceral elements ramp up a bit towards the end, but if you're expecting anything on par with some of the other French Horror flicks you've seen, you'll be disappointed.

THEY'RE TOTALLY BREAKING THE 4TH WALL RIGHT NOW.

The stunning Joséphine de La Baume is naked a few times in this one.

IT'S LIKE SIDE-BOOB HEAVEN!

Stay the hell out of France if you want to live! How many times do we have to tell you this, people?

GO BACK TO ENGLAND AND STAY THERE!

While it certainly isn't perfect, Road Games was a pretty solid Thriller that kept us guessing and wanting answers throughout. At the very least, it's a smart and well put together movie that left us feeling mostly satisfied at the end... although we didn't really love the ending all that much.

Give it a rent if you're curious, just know that it's more of a psych job than anything else.

B

Road Games is available now on VOD.

The beautiful Joséphine de La Baume is in this... and she's also in her very own Horror Hottie post right over HERE!