I can guarantee you that at some point, at least one dissatisfied reviewer will work that tag-line into their review of Muck, to illustrate just how dreadful they feel the movie was. I won't do it, because for us, Muck wasn't a total lost cause, but someone will.
And they won't be wrong in doing so.
I'll give the producers of Muck this much: they've run one hell of an advertising campaign over the past year or so, hyping their movie up and making it look like a must see for anyone who loves sleazy slasher flicks.
It is sleazy, and it's probably more of a Backwoods Horror flick than it is a proper slasher, but the must see part... Well, I guess it's must see material if you like really hot chicks. Muck has plenty of those.
Muck begins with a girl traipsing through a swamp in her underwear, screaming for her friends. When she finds them, they all stand around talking about how they're lucky to be alive, having just escaped some mysterious incident in a swamp that left two of their friends dead, and another injured. After talking it out, they find a house, break in, and then proceed to chill while one of them decides to go for help.
|"LET'S TALK ABOUT WHAT JUST HAPPENED FOR A WHILE."|
|SURE, WHY NOT.|
|TAKE YOUR TIME, MAN, THERE'S NO HURRY. THE PLOT ISN'T GOING ANYWHERE.|
|THE STARS OF MUCK.|
The production is also actually pretty solid for a lower budget flick, as the movie's slick visuals rose far above its tepid story to at least keep us visually engaged. Also, the guy who played Billy was pretty funny, as was the guy who played Troit.
|SHE WAS OUR FAVE.|
The way the movie was edited made it play choppy, as the story jumps back and forth in time in what we're guessing is an effort to come off as more artistic, but instead it just makes everything feel confused and jumbled. Linear is better, especially when you're talking about a low-budget flick like this one.
And then there's the story...
- With two friends already (presumably) dead, and another injured and bleeding to death, the guy that goes for help jogs to a bar, washes his hands and cleans up, buys a girl a drink and chats her up for a bit, and THEN he borrows her phone to call for help?!?
- He doesn't call the Cops for help, because that makes too much sense...
- ...instead he calls his cousin to come and pick he and his friends up. That phone call takes 20 minutes to even begin, because his cousin chats up two sluts before even saying hello or asking what's up.
- And when the guy finally does acknowledge his cousin on the phone, there's no "We need help, two of us are dead, and Billy is bleeding to death!" No, it's just "Hey man, I need a ride, ok? Thanks." You know, the way you'd call someone for help if your car broke down or something.
- And naming a town Wes Craven, and then having one of your characters say things like "Wes Craven? That place used to be pretty cool, but now, meh" or "If this is going to be some boring Wes Craven shit..." is pretty pathetic. This movie has no business taking potshots at Wes Craven, or any of his films, whatsoever. At least make a movie that's better than Wes Craven's worst effort (which this isn't) before you take a swipe at the guy.
- Then, 20 minutes after a guy sees his loving girlfriend brutally murdered, he and the other idiots that hes with stand around and talk and joke like nothing has happened.
- The fractured beginning and the sudden ending are sure to make sense once the prequel and sequel are released, but should we have to see two other movies to be able to understand what's going on in this one?
Poor story elements like ones above that made it very hard to enjoy the parts of this movie that were actually good; it's choppy, nonsensical, and we have no idea why what's happening is actually happening. Muck also tries to be funny, and at times it is, but for the most part, the "funny" bits fall flat and just make the whole thing feel off-kilter.
Maybe instead of worrying about making this movie a part of a trilogy, the creative forces behind Muck should have concentrated more on making this a solid movie that would beg for a sequel, because it was really good and deserved one. Running a Kickstarter campaign to fund sequels for a movie that hasn't even seen the light of day yet feels like a pretty fucking audacious move to us.
Because of this, Muck plays more like a Demo Reel for "what could be" if only they had enough money to make it happen.
Writer/Director Steve Wolsh should spend some of that Kickstarter money and bring in someone to write a bit of a tighter script, and concentrate on making the next two Muck movies coherent and focused. I know that's an easy thing for us to say from the sidelines, but it's also wholly true.
|RIGHT SAID FRED ATTACKS!|
|THE BEST GORE GAG IN THE MOVIE.|
|STEPHANIE DANIELSON IS BLOODY HOT.|
|CLOSE YOUR EYES, BABY, IT'S ALMOST OVER.|
Muck is available now on VOD, and will hit Blu-ray and DVD on March 17th.
Muck is populated with a bevy of Playboy-quality Hotties, so be sure to check out our Girls of Muck post HERE, if you'd like to ogle them for a while.