Demons Never Die (2012)

(aka Worst Suicide Club Ever!)
Release Date: On DVD now.
Written & Directed by: Arjun Rose
Starring: Robert Sheehan, Ashley Walters, Jennie Jaques, and Tulisa.

First of all, who is this Tulisa broad? She's in the movie for 3 minutes, and everyone seems to be making a big deal about it? I've heard the N-Dubz song Shoulda Put Something On, and it was alright. I'm not the biggest fan of the X-Factor-type of TV Shows, but I guess she's popular because of that?

For us, she's always gonna be the chick who's banging Cook from Skins. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I hope that when they're having a shag, he's yelling "I'm Coooooook!"

That would make us eternally happy.

She's no Kaya Scodelario, but she's hot enough.

Anywho, Demons Never Die is about some chick who kills herself, prompting her gang of Chav (they may not all be Chavs, but some of them are definitely Chav-ish) friends to make a suicide pact, and follow in her footsteps. The movie would have been much better if they had all killed themselves, one by one, thus saving us from the rest of the silly-ass plot. By the way, the chick who killed herself was Tulisa, hence her only being on screen for a scant few minutes at the beginning.

Surely most suicides involve people gut-stabbing themselves, right?

The Detectives who show up at her murder scene don't seem to be bothered by the fact that she stabbed herself in the tummy, and that there's far more blood and gore in the room than a suicide should have, so I guess we the audience shouldn't find it odd either. The again one of the Coppers looks like a Gang Member who says "Bruv" every other word, so reality's been pretty much thrown out the door at this point.

The hot chick apparently killed herself too, stabbing a smiley face into her stomach. Doesn't look like murder at all...

Long story short, the gang kinda never gets around to honoring their suicide pact, so a masked killer steps in and kills them for themselves, because they can't kill their own selves for themselves. By the middle of the movie, any message about suicide the movie may have been trying to get across is gone, replaced with long sequences that show off the soundtrack, which may have been British Pop or Dubstep, we're not sure. Most of it seemed to have a lot of bass in it, so maybe it was both?

We do dig the killer's style though...

There was plenty of blood and gore to satisfy the Gorehounds in this one, and the killer looked pretty cool in his mask and getup. Had the plot focused less on the music, dancing, and partying, it could have been a better Slasher flick. I mean, who goes out and parties when their friends are being stabbed to death, one after the other? I get that they're troubled kids to begin with, but it just hurts the narrative. It's always the little, seemingly unimportant things, that can take you right out of a movie.

Her plan was to stab him through herself, even though he was several feet behind her... and it worked! Just kidding.

The Cops in this movie are inept, the kids suck at killing themselves, and the plot is just overall silly. Demons Never Die was trying to be too many things at once, which in the end, served only to make it about nothing at all. Distractions aside, there were some interesting ideas at play here, and the bits that did work were at least entertaining.

Andy Warhol's Skype.

Is this a good Slasher flick? Not really. Is is a bad one? Not really. It gets enough right to make it watchable for most casual Horror fans, but misses the mark on enough to make more die-hard Horror fans kick their TV sets. It's a slightly below average British Slasher that could have been way better had it tightened up the script a bit, stayed focused on its point, and done away with the excess that clutters the whole thing up. Should you see it? You could do worse. We'd say rent it and see what you think, that way you'll be spending only a few bucks instead of $20 or so to buy it.

C-

British Bitches = Love. It's Science.