While I would never pick on anyone who is defenseless in real life, I really have no choice but to be the asshole when it comes to the slow kids of the Horror world.
Amber Alert might be the worst movie I've seen all year, and that's saying a lot.
The premise of this movie is a truly great one, and done well, could make for one hell of a FF flick. As it stands, this movie is not much more than frustrating.
|How fun are they?|
|These are the aforementioned two people.|
|This movie should have been called Screaming Alert.|
|Dude, move on.|
Then it ends, like every other FF flick seems to end, and we breathe a sigh of relief.
|OMG I found him on the Google!|
Amber Alert put on for us. This movie fails to make sense on such a massive scale, that it really felt like a middle finger from the people who made it.
- The Amber Alert is broadcast on a billboard while our main characters are driving down the highway, and 10 seconds later, one of them is like "isn't that the car right there?" Now, the driver was feverishly talking to and paying attention to the chick in the passenger seat, they pass under the Amber Alert doing average highway speed, so how did he know what it said? Did he really read that sign, absorb its contents, and have time to process it so quick, all in the midst of a lively discussion?
- So they call the Cops, and say they see the car with the alleged kidnapped kid inside, and the Police say they have a lot of calls and they wont be there for 15 minutes? Wouldn't they stay on the phone? A lot of calls or not, wouldn't Police investigate a call in which someone says "We see the guy right in front of us!" first?
|Kill him now. Please.|
Raw footage? Are you saying that the Cops edited this "real" tape, to highlight their ineptitude and culpability in the events of the kidnapping and attempted rescue?
- This movie is full of people doing things that no one in their right mind would ever do. I could see following a car if you really thought there was a kidnapped child inside, but I would have been on the phone with the Cops until they showed up. I'd lie to get them to show up. And for the record, if I'm driving the car, and some witless banshee of a she-bitch in the passenger insists on screaming at me the whole time, the car trip would be over in very short order. Then again, I don't have a vagina like Nate apparently did.
Shut up or walk, issue solved.
|I can barely read that, and it's a still image from a movie trailer.|
The protagonists were so annoying, and their constant arguing so distracting, that I never once felt any sort of dread about their situation or even the kidnapping. Even when Sam drops a microphone through the window of the car they're following (?!?), and we hear the creepy guy talking menacingly to the scared child in his backseat, it evoked nothing. I cheered for the creeper to kill the heroes. That's bad.
If you're looking to watch a movie that will leave you pissed off and wanting to punch things, this is your flick. Enjoy.