The flu didn't kill me (please hold the applause), so here is our review of The Burrowers. Finally.
Cast Members of Note- The always great Clancy Brown, Sean Patrick Thomas, Karl Geary, and LOST's Doug Hutchinson (Horace Goodspeed) and William Mapother (Ethan Rom)!
Imagine a cross between
Silverado and
The Descent, with a bit of
C.H.U.D. thrown in for good measure. Add to that, elements of
Gone With the Wind,
Karate Cop, and
Neon Maniacs, and you might just have an idea of what
The Burrowers is truly all about... or I may have just suffered brain damage from my recent flu-induced fever. Either way, it's a cowboy movie set in the
Civil War era dealing with subterranean creatures that like to bury and then liquefy innocent settlers. Ooh, I forgot
Dances With Wolves;
Indians and buffalo are involved, so naturally the comparison is totally valid.
When a family of settlers is attacked by odd creatures, leaving some of them dead, and the rest taken away as an odd prairie carry-out type of thing, the
Cowboys of
Rim Ridge spring into action, blaming everything on the
Indians. Of course. Everything was the
Indians fault... If you're a
White Devil, that is!
 |
| Will it never end? |
They give chase to the "Injuns" (which in fact are mutoid creatures that live underground), heading from
Rim Ridge, all the way to
Brokeback Mountain, using the much feared
Reacharound Pass... they're careful to avoid "
The Gulch" though;
Tex passed through
he Gulch once, and he came back a shattered man. Blood, carnage, and sweaty
Cowboy bonding ensues.
 |
| The "posse" from Rim Ridge. |
I love Westerns, and surprisingly, a
Horror movie set in the
Old West worked pretty well for me.
The Burrowers was slow paced, but it did a nice job of building a sense of desolation and dread that served the story well. The concept of what
The Burrowers are, what they do, and why they do it, was really cool. It's also pretty disturbing and downright nasty, and I found it to be pretty fresh and interesting.
 |
| WTF is that? |
Will the
Gay Cowboy jokes ever end? Nope. Thanks a lot,
Ang Lee!
 |
| Three cowboys staring into a butthole... like I put that in the movie! |
I can't imagine being paralyzed and buried alive for days, feeling your insides being melted by an acid-like substance, and then having sharp toothed monsters dig you up and suck you dry... while you're ALIVE AND CONSCIOUS THE WHOLE TIME! That's seriously disturbing.
 |
| "Make sex to her, Wheefus. She ain't dead." |
This one has some decent gore in it, my favorite part being
The Burrowers using people as living drink boxes.
 |
| Her name was Capri Sun. How beautiful. |
Unless I missed something, nope.
Killing buffalo will make monsters plot revenge against you. Also, anyone who has acted in
L O S T is pretty damn awesome.
 |
| Looks like Wheefus had himself a party! |
A nice above average flick, with an interesting premise and solid production/acting value,
The Burrowers was a good watch. The slow pace and lack of action may turn some off, but I say check it out anyhow.
B-
The Burrowers is available now on
DVD and
VOD.
They're in this.
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I saw this last night, and thought it was actually pretty good. My only complaint is that at times it got a bit slow and dragged out.
ReplyDeleteThe creatures in the end were freaky cool :D