March 25, 2009

Review: Perkins 14 (2009)
Cast Members of Note- Richard Brake is about the most notable. Also, Shayla Beesley is pretty hot.

This is the story about the worst Cop ever; 10 years ago, his son gets kidnapped basically right in front of him, which in turn makes his wife into a cheating whore, and his daughter into a "goth rebel." I couldn't respect him either.

The happy family, sans missing son.
So why is he the worst Cop ever, aside from not being able to protect his own kid in his own home? Well... He gets his partner killed; nearly lets his daughter die because he forgets how to shoot his gun; lets another cop get killed because he doesn't want his "son" shot; he gets carjacked... in his police cruiser mind you... and leaves the car-jacker in the car which leads to him being eaten to death; and best of all, he kills another Cop to keep his zombie son alive! There's more, but I don't want to spoil everything for you.

Anyways, the guy who took his son, Perkins, also took 13 other kids... making his current total 14. Perkins 14. Get it? Ok, good. He brainwashed them, turned them into living zombies, and trained them to kill to get revenge for being forgotten. Honestly. On the 10th anniversary of the first kidnapping, his "kids" escape their cells, and begin wreaking havoc on the small town of Stone Cove.

I won't spoil the ending for you here other than to say that everyone who deserves to die, does. So basically, everyone.

Good lord.
The gore in this movie is crazy, and the acts of violence are really graphic, which I always welcome. I also really liked the "14"; their look, the sounds they make... truly creepy.

The premise of this movie is pretty damned interesting in theory, but the execution pretty much sucks. The problem I have is that so much nonsensical crap goes on in this movie just to further the plot and heighten tension, that it ruins the whole thing. The script is bad, the acting is average to poor, and the directing is no better. A great premise, cool "zombies," and some pretty good gore are wasted in a not-even-mediocre movie, which left me shaking my head.

Totally effective.
So lemme get this straight... a creepy geek kidnaps 14 kids and turns them into living zombies who kill at will for him because he's mad that everyone forgot about his own tragedy? Right.

A kinda sorta zombie.
Plot device characters suck. You know, like the angst-ridden teen who runs off on her own to heighten the tension? "Leave me alone dad, you can't tell me what to do!" "It's none of your business dad!" "No one understands my pain, and I look like a ghoul, only more pale and not as clean!" Weak.

Boy is dad gonna be pissed!
This one is pretty gory.

She'll never buy the Dollar Store maxi-pads again, will she?
Other than a shirtless Goth guy, and the almost exposed boob of an old chick, no.

"He used to call for you in his sleep" or "Remember."

Goth kids think they're smarter than everyone else. Also, they're not.

No one understands your pain, we get it.
Other than some fantastic gore and some cool looking "zombies," this movie is just a mess. A great concept falls short with lame characters who act in ridiculous ways, and a bunch of B-grade acting talent that really doesn't help matters any. If all you want is some good gore, then check this one out.


Shayla Beesley is in this.

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