March 26, 2009

Review: Slaughter (2009)
Cast Members of Note- The double hotness of Amy Shiels and Lucy Holt.

(Once the cameraman figured out how to get the camera in focus) The movie starts out with a hot chick moving to a new city to escape her abusive boyfriend. She meets a redneck slut in a club, lesbian tension fills the air, and they end up living together on a farm.

Chicks + Alcohol = Proof of God.
On the slut farm, the abused chick snoops around a little too much, and angers Pa. From here on out, a crazy plot unfolds about child abuse, fireflies, self-dentistry, pent-up anger, creepy stalker ex-boyfriends, and pigs. Also, being slutty is a pretty big part of the plot, and I wholly support that.

Crazy torture and typical stalk, hide, repeat, and repeat again ensues... There's not much else to say about this one.

I guess if you like Torture Porn and violence, it gets good towards the end? I hate bashing movies out of hand, especially those of the lower budget Indie variety, because a lot of heart goes into them and they don't usually have the resources of the big Hollywood productions... but this movie was just poor.
It's almost as if the filmmakers made it just to see what would happen if they tried. There's nothing original about it, the characters suck, and the ending turns into a cliche, "seen it before, and done better" mess... I'm gonna stop now, because if I don't I'm just going to start sounding mean.

Praying won't help.
The script gave me fits; It's slow, filled with wooden characters whose actions border on the ridiculous, it's predictable, cliche, contrived... and most of all, it's just not effective.

Her hotness is effective though.
Why can't After Dark Horrorfest add some quality films to their lineup? So many good Horror flicks out there fight to get distributed and usually go straight to DVD, so why not rescue them instead of investing time with so many low budget suck-fests? Imagine this lineup; All the Boys Love Mandy Lane, Eden Lake, Mum & Dad, Killer Movie, Splinter, Baby Blues, Dance of the Dead, Rovdyr... That's just an example, but they are all solid films, and all stuck in limited release/Direct-to-DVD hell... The good movies are out there, and Horrorfest needs to start finding them.

What is this fuckery?
Tooth extraction, self-tooth extraction, hanging, dismemberment, knife violence, shotgun violence... there's a little bit of the messy stuff to be found here.

This is as much nudity as we get from this movie. I call BS!

"How old were you when you got your cherry popped, Faith?"

Horror isn't always scary.

Crawl as fast as you like, you can't escape this lame plot.
Really, don't waste your time with this one. It's slow, uneventful, and a retread of stories we've seen done 100 times better. Slaughter is easily one of the worst offerings that Horrorfest has given us, and that's really saying something.


The best part of this movie is them.

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