Theatrical Review: Regression (2016)

"Emma Watson needs to start doing nude scenes. It's just time."

When I was a kid in the 80's, people somehow got it in their minds that Satanic Cults were everywhere across the U.S., and that they were abducting, molesting, or murdering children during their dark rituals.

I actually remember seeing so much of it on the news, talks shows, and magazine shows like 60 Minutes, that I actually became paranoid about it for a while. If I was crossing an empty parking lot at dusk, and a creepy van drove by, I was sure that it was Satanists coming to get me so that they could sacrifice me to their dark lord.

I was like 10, so don't judge me too harshly on that one.

I'm not sure how it all got started, but I'd guess that it had to do with fundamental Christians deciding that Satan was destroying the fabric of our perfect society by way of Heavy Metal music, Horror films, and Dungeons & Dragons. They worked everyone into such a tizzy about it that there were a crazy amount of sexual abuse allegations leveled against Daycare Centers. Google "The McMartin Preschool Trial" and read what that bullshit did too innocent people.

The point is, that Satanic Panic bullshit was a very real thing in the 80's, and as worked up as everyone got about it, it turned out to little more than a bunch of asshole adults coercing fake memories out of kids with the use of Regression Therapy.

That's kinda what this movie is about.

***This review will contain plot SPOILERS that could potentially ruin the story for you, so proceed with caution***

It's 1990 in Minnesota, and Bruce Kenner (Ethan Hawke) is a hard-nosed detective who plays to win! So when the virginal Angela (Emma Watson) accuses her father of sexually molesting her (which he admits to, even though he can't remember doing it), Kenner is on the case. He turns to a British psychologist to help get to the bottom of everything, with the use of regression therapy... which forces repressed memories stored in the subconscious to come to the forefront. Sounds legit.

"TRY TO REMEMBER ALL OF THE HORRIBLE THINGS THAT HAPPENED TO YOU IN EXACTING DETAIL."

As Kenner and Dr. Brit uncover more of the details of Angela's case, it becomes apparent that a Satanic Cult was involved, which terrifies Angela to death. She claims that she was a part of ritualistic abuse at the hands of the Cult that included the sacrifice of animals and babies, and blood orgies in the name of Satan, and the fact that she's discussing any of it with Kenner makes them both targets for some sort of Satanic death revenge.

"KISS IT. EVERYONE ELSE HAS."

Kenner is initially skeptical of Angela's Satanic claims, but after some mysterious phone calls, some odd people staring at him on the street, and an attack at his home, he ends up becoming a paranoid believer in all things Satanic and evil. Was he molested by a Satanic Cult too? Was he part of a Satanic Sex Cult, but just forgot about it?

Watch and find out!

MAYBE TAKE THE HEADPHONES OFF WHILE YOU'RE SNOOPING AROUND THE LAIR OF A SATANIC CULT!

Regression is more of a Psychological Thriller than it is any kind of Horror flick, although the movie does explore plenty horrifying topics. It's a well-made movie that makes a pretty bold statement about the dangers of psychology, specifically the since-discredited technique of regression therapy, and by the end, it becomes more of a Drama than anything else. A Good Drama, mind you, but a Drama none the less.

There were plenty of eerie moments throughout the film that gave us the willies though, and in that way it felt like a pretty effective "Horror" movie at times.

"SO... DESCRIBE THAT SATANIC ORGY ONE MORE TIME IF YOU DON'T MIND."

As I mentioned above, the whole Satanic Panic thing was very real in the 80's, and it was blown way out of proportion by the media, which ended up working plenty of people into a paranoid frenzy in which many lives were ruined. After a few years, when most of it was revealed to be total bullshit, the regression therapy that was used to uncover much of the supposed ritual abuse at the heart of it all was derided and discredited by medical professionals as being some sort of subliminal coercion.

If nothing else, Regression does a great job of illustrating that point, and giving the whole thing weight.

"AGAIN?"

Ethan Hawke was great in this movie, even though most of the material he was given to play his character delved heavily into stereotypes. Emma Watson was also great playing the innocent victim who may in fact be a manipulative shrew. We'd love to see her play the "Bad Guy" more often.

What Regression doesn't get right, is that it's predictable. It starts out strong, and then fizzles out near the end, not taking many narrative chances along the way. It's a great story that has all of the ingredients for a top-notch Thriller, but it just doesn't do as much with them as it could have. The dialogue could have been better too.

THE FACE OF AN ANGEL?

For all of its faults, Regression was a pretty good movie that managed to keep us interested throughout. If you look at it as a fictional portrayal of some very real things that happened in American history, and don't expect an all-out Horror flick, then you'll probably dig it.

If it happens to be showing at a theater near you, you could do worse than to go check it out.

C+

Regression is in Limited Theaters now. *Only about 100.

Oh, Emma.