We're going to break down the plot with the help of pics and videos, mainly because they can actually convey the utter insanity of what went on in the movie better than words in some cases. Keep in mind that Troll 2 has a crazy big cult following out there, and is beloved by many. We'll talk about that later.
*We originally posted this review back in 2012, but we never continued with the Bad Movie Friday thing. Now that we're finally planning on doing Bad Movie Fridays, we thought it appropriate to bump it up. Plus, it's funny enough to re-feature.
The movie opens with a Grandfather reading a shitty story to his whiny little Grandson. The story is about a gang of Vegan Goblins (not trolls), who make you eat this vegan vomit stuff, which turns you into the same vegan vomit stuff, so that the Vegan Goblins can eat you. Can't they just eat plants? Seems overly complicated to me. Also, what a horrible bedtime story to tell your Grandson.
Also, Grandpa is a ghost.
|Gay Peter Pan drinks a bowl of vomit and then sweats green Kool-Aid. Then, he gets eaten by the goblins.|
|"Are you trying to turn me into a homo?" By hitting you in the nuts? If getting hit in the nuts turned you gay, I'd be a cross between Liberace and Rip Taylor by now. (I've taken a lot of nut shots.)|
|On the road to Nilbog, the Goblin-Trolls reveal themselves in dream form... and they look like angry puppets?|
|The butter on that corn looks like toothpaste. Also, that little dinner-pisser would have caught an ass whipping.|
|"You can't piss on hospitality! I won't allow it!"|
|In the church they meet this bitch: Creedence Lenore Gielgud. That may be the worst character name ever, especially for someone who is supposed to be creepy.|
|"Oh my Gooooooooooooooood!"|
|Who thought this was a good idea?|
|Dead Pappy Gene interrupts her shitty one person dance-off, prompting her Dad to run into the room and try to fight the mirror. Everyone leaves save for Joshua, and they talk some more.|
|We then switch to two naked surfer dudes "taking a nap" together. One of them wakes up, hungry from the long, hard "nap," and heads into town for some food.|
|Elsewhere, Arnold is now turning into a potted plant.|
|Then the Brawny Man shows up.|
|Back at the house, the family decides to hold a seance to try and contact Pappy Gene. Hot little Holly asks "But how do we get him to come?" Oh, you know how, honey. You know how.|
|It's finally little Joshua who figures out how to stop the evil, vegan Trobgoblins. Know how he does it? With a double-decker bologna sandwich... A bologna sandwich is all it takes to defeat a Goblin?|
Of course there's much more to the movie that we didn't cover, mainly because this post is already half a page long, but you get the gist. It's an awful, insanely bad movie with some of the worst writing and acting ever witnessed by human eyes (and ears.) It's also fun as hell to watch with friends while you have a drink or two.
So bad is Troll 2, and at the same time so beloved by so many fans the world over, that the kid who played Joshua grew up and made a Documentary about the movie and its fans called Best Worst Movie. You really should watch it, because it's great stuff.
You can buy Troll 2 HERE.
You can buy Best Worst Movie HERE.
It makes it to tier 4 of our Threat Level scale.
|THREAT LEVEL 4: STINGRAY|