DVD Review: Christine (1983)

In Attendance- Me, Eryn, The Vanilla Gorilla, and Nick.  
Cast Members of Note- Keith Gordon, John Stockwell, Alexandra Paul, Kelly Preston, Robert Prosky, Harry Dean Stanton, And John Travolta's evil doppelganger..

Christine tells the story of Arnie; a hopeless loser that falls in love with his car, and then suddenly becomes all kinds of cool. I remember being in love with my big wheel when I was a kid, but it never made me cool... in fact, every time I got caught making love to "Gretchen" (that's what I called her), people would beat me up and/or run away crying because they thought I was a creep.

Hell hath no fury like a Plymouth Fury scorned.

The deeper in love that Arnie falls with his Plymouth Fury, the more problems start to occur; his hotter-than-he-deserves girlfriend dumps him; his best friend ends up in the hospital, nearly paralyzed; and people start turning up dead... oh yeah, Christine is a car that kills people, I forgot to mention that. Not even John Travolta's evil, musclebound doppelganger can survive the fury of the Fury.

Kip Travolta was bad-ass in this.

Will Christine kill everyone that Arnie loves? Will Arnie and Christine ever be left alone to love each other tenderly? Does Harry Dean Stanton look exactly the same in this movie as he does today? I won't spoil what comes next for you here, but suffice it to say that love hurts... and it burns sometimes too. Sometimes, it also bleeds, rips, and makes you cry yourself to sleep at night too.

You can't even kill it with fire!

I hadn't seen this one in forever, and watching it again just made me remember what a great writer Stephen King is, and what a great filmmaker John Carpenter is. I mean, it's a movie about a killer car... that in and of itself sounds laughable, and yet both the book and the movie are fantastic.

Not only is this one of John Carpenter's best movies, and one of Stephen King's best stories, but the list of great character actors in this thing is insane. Most importantly, Kelly Preston looks awesome here, as does Alexandra Paul.

Oh, and for those that don't know, John Carpenter was a master at scoring his films too; his scores are some of the best I've ever heard, and they always added another level of greatness to his earlier flicks.

"Okay... Show me!"

Does Stephen King have to use oldies in all of his stories/movies? Sorry, I just can't stand oldies. Maybe try some 80's music or something, like Wham or Flock of Seagulls... now that's music.

She likes Wham.

Man-on-car love is just wrong, especially when you have hot girlfriend. Then again, maybe if you got her and the car together and had some drinks, that dream threesome just might happen...

She likes threesomes.

Very little gore, but plenty of violence.

No, this 80's movie did not deliver to us the T&A. What a shame too, because Alexandra Paul got naked in all kinds of movies during her career. She also had an identical twin.

Dig that sweater.

"Okay... Show Me."

Above all else, it's always Bro's Before Ho's; because the ho's will kill you man, even if the ho is a car. Also, King and Carpenter rule.

Ho-on-ho violence is no laughing matter.

This movie is an all-time classic. It's not even one of Carpenter's top 5 films (for us, anyhow) and he absolutely nails it, giving us a believable and effective haunted car story. Own it if you don't already, as it's a must have for any Horror Collection.

A

Christine is available now on DVD and VOD.

Alexandra Paul was the personification of 80's cuteness, and Kelly Preston was the dirty version.