July 26, 2009

Quick Review: Skeleton Crew (2009)

"An asylum is being used by a film crew trying to film the movie "Silent Creek" based on murders that occurred in the 70's. The institution was shut down after Doctor Andersson "The Auteur" was caught making snuff films of himself torturing patients to death. While doing recordings, the crew find a hidden room. It contains the Doctor's undiscovered recordings, although the crew is disgusted by the snuff films, they decide not to call the police. The director of Silent Creek, becomes obsessed with Anderssons' films. He begins to act deranged, claiming their film is "not real enough."

I can't hate on Skeleton Crew like I do some DO NOT WANT movies, but in the end, it left me more than flat, and wondering what happened... because nothing really happens in this movie. It's slow and plodding, and the actors that should carry us through such trying minutes fail at making us care about their characters, or the plot. The guy who played the director was just bad. The snuff/torture scenes were pretty good and tough to watch, but that's about the only thing good about the entire movie. Not even an obligatory faux-lesbian sex scene could save this one, and that's saying a lot coming from me.

What is seen can not be unseen...
Since there are so many movies that we verbally abuse after having to endure them (and for good reason), we thought it fair to come up with at least 5 things that were good or decent about the DO NOT WANT'S of the world. We will use pictures to illustrate said things. So here are 5 positive things about MOVIE NAME HERE:

Those lips.
That masseuse.
The gore.
That shirt?
We don't know, we just ran out of things to try to like.
Watching this movie felt a lot like this picture. *We're the guy on the ground.

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