DVD Review: Dolan's Cadillac (2009)

Way better than I thought it was going to be...

Cast Members of Note- Christian Slater, Wes Bentley, Emmanuelle Vaugier, and Greg Bryk.

Jimmy Dolan is a filthy Gringo that smuggles Mexican chicks across the border, selling them for profit; so basically, he's living the American Dream. Then again, he eventually expands his business to include buying and selling kids as well, which kinda kills the whole American Dream thing.

"Let's pump up the volume!"

When a School Teacher witnesses him killing some unruly senoritas out in the desert, which threatens to destroy his seedy "ring-o'-whores" operation, he has no choice but to send her a message to ensure her "silencia."

I'm pretty sure that this would get me to shut the fuck up.

She doesn't listen of course, feeling that she has to testify against Dolan, which pretty much seals her fate. Thirsty for revenge, her husband ( a sissified, and not too bright teacher himself) buys a gun and decides to kill Jimmy Dolan. Problem is, Jimmy Dolan is always under heavy guard, and his Cadillac Escalade is bulletproof... so how's he gonna get his revenge?

"Gleam this cube, bitch!"

Will the widowed Teacher get his revenge? Will the expression on his face ever change? Does Christian Slater ever not sound/look like Jack Nicholson? I won't spoil what happens here for you, but suffice it to say that the world may never know the answer to that last question.

This is Wes Bentley's only expression, and it NEVER changes; right now, he's smiling.

Not a bad movie at all. Then again, it came from a really strong story, from one of the most popular writers of modern times (Stephen King), so it better have been good. It had some flaws, chief amongst them (for me) being the dumb-as-a-box-of-rocks wife, but for the most part it was solid and worth a watch. It does change some of the elements of King's original story a bit, but overall the changes work fairly well on film. It's more of a Thriller/Suspense flick than it is true Horror, but then a lot of King's stories were like that.

It's nice to see Christian Slater in a good movie again; I think the last time I saw him in one was Kuffs. I'm also still waiting for a sequel to Gleaming the Cube, or the movie where he has a monkey heart and falls in love with that feminine-looking boy.

Get up and go avenge stuff!

When a dumb chick witnesses some murder out in the middle of the desert, instead of riding off immediately to get her ass out of a bad situation, she sits on the top of the hill and watches as she tries to call Police. Of course that means that the killers see her, and it takes them shooting at her to make her dumb ass finally ride off, and she drops her cell phone as she does. They find her and warn her to keep quiet instead of killing her, and yet she feels that she has to testify against them anyways... she deserved what she got.

Seriously, Wes, can you even smile?!?

Trafficking in women and kids... how much worse can it get than that? Ok, just the kids part, I'm fairly partial to the whole "whore trade" thing...

That'll fetch a nice price on the open market.

Not so much, though there is a bit of blood and violence here and there.

Nope.

We wanna see how you got pregnant, not just watch you peeing on a stick! No wait, we wanna see that too...

"I don't."

Never let your wife make decisions on her own. Also, Christian Slater should be in more movies.

He's a Young Gun.

This one was way better than I was expecting it to be, putting it in the slightly above average range. It's more thriller than pure Horror, but you can feel the touch of Stephen King all over it. Give it a rent when you can.

B-

Dolan's Cadillac is available now on Blu-ray, DVD, and VOD.

Her character might be as dumb as a bag of hammers, but she sure is pleasing to the eye. And pants.