September 17, 2008

The House on Sorority Row remake meets... The Hills?

Please pardon this short rant...

It's bad enough that Hollywood keeps remaking movies because apparently they have no new ideas, but this one crosses the line into sad news. Audrina Partridge, co-star of MTV's fake and far beyond annoying "Reality" show The Hills, will be starring in the remake of The House on Sorority Row.

Now, for those of you not familiar with the show, here's basically what happens in each episode: A bunch of shallow and self absorbed 20 year-olds, with the brains of mentally impaired third graders, sit around and stare into space, talk about nothing, stare into space, gossip, act catty, stare into space, and kill humanity's will to live. Slowly.  

Scene: "Like OMG, can you , like believe how mean she is and like... stuff." LC stares at friend. "I know, right." Other whore stares back. LC gazes still, obviously contemplating. Other Whore sips drink, continues to stare. (makes me want to punch self.) LC sips drink. Crap music begins to play as they both stare, deep in no thought whatsoever. Roll credits. (I then attempt to gouge my own eyes out with the remote control, to no avail.)

12 year old girl or gay male aside... anyone watching this crap doesn't count anymore. So obviously you put one of those girls in a horror movie remake, right? Seriously, remakes don't suck enough (usually), so why bother to try and make them as good as possible; just cast a name that teenagers will know, even though they cant act their way out of a moldy colostomy bag, and roll with it. She better at least get naked or have a cool death scene.

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