September 3, 2008

10 kids that will creep you the f**k out.

Why are children so damn unsettling in Horror movies? How can they be so cute one minute, and then make you want to drown them in a well the next? I don't know, but to this day I won't be alone in a Kindergarten class without at least a machete.

These are the kids that creep us out most of all. Some of them have even given us nightmares since we were kids.

Feel free to watch these movies and tell us they aren't creepy!

*We apologize for the overuse of the word "creepy" in this article, but it was necessary.
**Technically this article features more than 10 kids, because some of the kids come in groups. 

Malachai- Children of the Corn
I remember being terrified of him when I saw COTC as a kid, and it's not hard to see why. Gingers are terrifying enough, but this kid oozes creep on a level all his own. He definitely should have been in charge of things instead of that lame-ass Issac. Sometimes I still wake up in the middle of the night screaming "Outlanders!" True story.

Every Kid in Town- Who Can Kill a Child?
This movie is basically Children of the Corn, only Who Can Kill a Child? came out nearly a decade before the Stephen King offering. This time we head to Europe, where kids hate adults and make them pay for it by murdering them and playing disturbing games with their corpses. An entire Island full of kids is "compelled" by an inhuman force to kill every adult in sight, and they do so with glee, even going so far as to make a pinata out of an old man! Even a baby kills its mother from inside of the womb... and if that's not sick, I don't know what is.

The Evil Eclipse Kids- Bloody Birthday
Three kids born on the same night, and during the same mysterious eclipse, grow up to be become heartless and remorseless monsters, killing people randomly just for shits and giggles. They may look sweet and innocent, but the blood on their hands says otherwise!

Jill- The Beyond
She started out sweet enough, but after watching her mother's face being dissolved by acid, being chased around the morgue by un-set Jell-O, and finally being accosted by a Zombie while trying to hide in a freezer, she becomes "possessed" by the evil of The Beyond. She's creepy even before her eyes turn white though, and sadly she has her face blown off just as she was about to eat a chick (not like that), but she still made me nervous.

The Shadow Kids- Them (Ils)
For absolutely no reason other than wanting to "play," these kids trap, terrorize and eventually kill a couple in this very disturbing and bleak film. Have they done it before? We know of at least one other time, because we see it happen. It's not hard to believe that they've done it before, because they're creepy. The use of twirling party noisemakers by the kids as they terrorize make it that much worse. Europe has some downright scary children issues.

The Grady Twins- The Shining
Can you honestly watch that movie and not cringe when Danny starts riding his Big Wheel? You know they're right around the corner with their creep British accents... "Come play with us Danny... forever and ever..." That whole movie was eerie and paranoia-inducing, and these girls were every bit as creepy as what was in room 237. Maybe even more so.

The Terror Tykes- The Brood
Mutant fifth-graders who bite and hammer people to death at their "Mother's" whim... Oh, and they were all "born" in pustule-like sacks on her stomach as the result of a bizarre new kind of "psychotherapy"... This was the stuff of my nightmares when I was nine, and it hasn't gotten any easier to stomach since then.

Samara Morgan- The Ring
Her real mother claimed that her father was "a monster from the sea," and tried to drown her while she was still a baby... and it turns out that Samara told her to, which makes it even more disturbing. She was secretly adopted by another couple, terrorizing them with her powers of "Projected Thermography," and was thusly thrown down a well by her new mom. She lived for seven days, and went on to create a tape that doomed its watchers to a grisly fate if they didn't share it with others... so she kills people, makes creepy phone calls, and walks in the creepiest way ever... she's just creepy! "She never sleeps." Neither did I after seeing The Ring. Thanks a lot you creepy little fuck.

Ralphie Glick- Salem's Lot
This little bastard ruined scratching on windows for me for life! His creepy floating and scratching at his brothers window may be the creepiest vampire moment ever put on film. "Let me in Danny!" That movie is still creepy as hell!

Regan MacNeil- The Exorcist
Seriously, is there another kid that made you actually crap your pants during a movie? Just Googling the name and looking at her pictures makes me want to run into the bathroom and scream at myself in the mirror. The face, the voice, the fact that she was a Demon and liked to toy with priests... One of the creepiest scenes in the whole movie was when the cop sees a shadow pass behind the curtains in her room. Now, we as an audience know that she's tied to the bed, and yet there she is walking around... Screw that. The Exorcist changed the Horror landscape and rocked the nation when it was released, and it's not hard to see why.

1 comment :

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