Pieces (1982)

Pieces
Sub-Genre- Slasher

In Attendance- Me

Cast Members of Note- The awesome Christopher George, and his wife Linda Day George.

What's it about?- Singing Humpty Dumpty while putting together a puzzle... isn't that every boy's dream activity? Wasn't it yours? No, mine either, so I'm glad this annoying little kid's puzzle is at least a picture of a nude chick to make things less lame. Of course when his mom catches him whacking off , she proceeds to smack him and call him filthy and stupid, and he kills her and saws her into pieces. Bitch had it coming!

Whore puzzle.
Flash forward 40 years... that's right, 40 frigging years, and everyone has pretty much died from old age; except the creepy kid who's all grown up now, and still creepy. He tricked the cops see, making them think he was attacked by someone who killed his mom... clever boy. Luckily for him, there are still plenty of other whores for him to cut up; aerobiscising, leg warmer wearing, perky boobed and 80's hairdo wearing whores.


He stalks exercise classes, skulks around pools, tennis matches... his heavy breathing ass will go anywhere to collect the "whore pieces" he needs... But Lt. Bracken is hot on his trail! I wont ruin the ending here, but suffice it to say that you will say "WTF?!?" out loud... twice.

The Good- In a way, I want to call this a Giallo movie; a black gloved killer, crazy music, excessive gore, bad Italian dub, horrid acting, nonsensical plot... Aw hell, it's Giallo! In a away it really does fit that mold, as the best thing about pieces is its copious amounts of gore and violence. Pieces is pure 80's exploitation horror bliss.

This is also the 2nd to last film that Christopher George made before his death in 1983; the man was awesome,starring in such genre greats as Pieces, Mortuary, Graduation Day, The Exterminator, Enter the Ninja, and one of my personal faves, The Gates of Hell. I love that guy.

The Bad- So much of this movie is bad, from the dubbing to the actions of the characters, to the plot, that it makes it pretty damn funny. The cops at the beginning may be the worst cops ever, the students act and talk like they're semi retarded, and everyone just seems to be in this general malaise... I know it's 80's Italian cinema, but man I laughed out loud in places.

The Downright Horrendous- The ending... in the last 5 minutes of this movie, we're treated to the "What in the hell?!?"-slow motion-Italian-makes zero sense ending... I'm tired of being confused.

Seriously... what?
The Gory- Good old fashioned 80's gore galore! Axe violence, saw violence, chainsaw violence... decapitations, piles of body parts... this one is full-o-gore, and shameless about showing it!


The Naked- A nude chick on a puzzle, a nude chick swimming, topless chick in bed, chicks in leotards, a hottie taking a soapy shower... and naked man ass.

Best Line- The dialogue in this movie is so bad/funny, that it's all the best.

What did we learn?- Italian horror from the 80's is lots of fun. Also, Italian horror from the 80's seldom makes coherent sense.

Rating- C- Pieces is a fun, bloody, expectational mess of a horror flick, but it's also pretty bad... which makes it kinda good... I say see it for the blood and gore, and have fun. Beware the cheese factor though.

Final Thoughts- Christopher George was a horror movie pimp... and he was from my neighborhood!

#29- Haute Tension

Haute Tension
Sub-Genre- Slasher/French Horror

In Attendance- Me, Eryn and The Vanilla Gorilla. The rest of the club have seen this one already... I think.

Cast Members of Note- Cecile De France, Maiwenn, and Philippe Nahon.

What's it about?- This is a story about love, lesbian undertones, insanity, and home invasion. It's also a cautionary tale, as many French horror movies are, about the dangers that await innocent people in the rural French countryside; just trust me when I tell you to always stay in the city. There's death in them thar hills.

See! Stay in the city!
When a creepy old French delivery dude comes knocking in the dead of night, we all know what he's delivering... death! Cold, hard death. He also kidnaps a hot chick, prompting another hot chick to give chase and try to save her friend... I say it's because she's got some lesbian hots for the other girl, but that's just me.

Maybe don't open the door for this guy at night. Or ever.
What comes next is a bloodbath of epic proportion, a love story, and a really confusing ending. I won't spoil the ending here, other than to say that it's really confusing.

The Good- What isn't good about this movie? There are those that will complain that the "Twist" ending ruined the movie, but really, it didn't. Not one bit. This movie is sick, twisted, visceral, tense, and on many levels, deep. In fact, once you see it, the ending makes the second viewing better, and more challenging.

Does the title High Tension refer to sexual tension and repressed desires? Maybe. At the beginning when we hear Marie say "Are we recording?", does that mean she's recalling the events from her point of view, to satisfy herself or to be deceptive? I can't say for sure. No matter what happened, this is a movie that challenges us, and stays with us long after we've seen it.

This movie is an instant classic that needs to be seen by anyone who truly loves horror. Gritty, bloody, nasty, and even thought provoking... a must have for any good horror collection.

The Bad- I'm going to bitch about the ending really quick here, but not because I hate it, but because it threw me the first time I saw it. It isn't neat and tidy or straightforward, and it makes me think way too much... Then again, I kinda like that.

The Downright Horrendous- Can kids ever escape horrific violence in French horror movies? And for that matter, what about the dogs... I guess if you're cute and or cuddly in these movies, you're pretty much as good as dead. I'm eventually going to need therapy.

The Gory- This is probably one of the bloodiest movies I've seen. What makes it worse, or better if you're sick like me, is the realism and mood which make it hard to watch at times. I especially like the buzz saw... This is great stuff.


The Naked- We get to see some boobs, and a hot/odd masturbation scene, other than that, this movie isn't much on the sexy stuff.

Best Line- "I won't let anyone come between us any more."

What did we learn?- Women really are crazy. Also, I need one of those crazy French vans.

Rating- A+ Hate the twist ending or not, this is a spectacular film, and one that horror really needed to be made in the lull of the early 2000's. Bloody, tense, engagin, and ultimately disturbing, this one is a must own.

Final Thoughts- Chicks with buzz-saws are hot.

January 2009 is over...

... so what exactly has the new year given us in horror thus far?

At the box office we got...
-Three remakes including The Unborn, My Bloody Valentine 3-D, and The Uninvited; which were ok, pretty good, and not good at all, respectively.
-One sequel, Underworld: Rise of the Lycans, which has been getting lukewarm reception (although we have yet to see it for ourselves.)
-The 3rd After Dark Horrorfest came and went rather quietly, which makes me wonder if we'll see a 4th... Having seen none of the ADHF flicks, we can't say much about them yet.
-Outlander and Donkey Punch both got limited releases despite being arguably as good, if not better, than the wide releases mentioned above.

On DVD we got...
Own it- Eden Lake, My Bloody Valentine SE (1981), Fritt Vilt (Cold Prey), Splinter.
Rent it- Mirrors, Midnight Movie, Amusement, Repo: The Genetic Opera.
Skip it- Boogeyman 3, Vacancy 2, Saw V.
Rent or Skip, we can't decide- Gutterballs, The Alphabet Killer, Hit and Run.
The one's we haven't seen yet- King of the Hill.

One good wide theatrical release, 2 good limited theatricals, a handful of must see/slew of maybe see DVD's... That's what 2009 has given us so far.

Hopefully F13 can give us the jolt we need come Feb. 13th, because January was a less than stellar month for horror if I'm being honest.

Dorothy Mills (2009)

After playing a few festivals in 2008, Dorothy Mills is finally being released on DVD everywhere... I've been curious about this one since seeing the trailer.


Dorothy Mills
Sub-Genre- Possession

In Attendance- Me

Cast Members of Note- Carice van Houten, Jenn Murray, Gary Lewis.

What's it about?- Dorothy Mills is a creepy little girl that looks like an albino version of Nellie Olson from Little House on the Prairie... she's also a horrible babysitter, jamming bottles into infants faces and screaming at them about how bad they are. She may also be schizophrenic or possessed, and a nymphomaniac alcoholic. She apparently has issues.

If that picture doesn't creep you out, I'm not sure what will.
She lives on a creepy little Irish Island where everyone seems to have issues of their own, including, but not limited to; driving people into lakes, rape, animal cruelty, mass animal murder, incest, their love of electric guitar, exorcism and obsessive karaoke. When a hot psychiatrist shows up to diagnose little albino Nellie Olson, things obviously don't go smoothly.

Is Nellie/Dorothy possessed, or just a nutbag? Is everyone on the Island hiding a terrible secret? Will the truth ever be known? Will that blind old woman ever stop being creepy? I wont spoil the ending here, but suffice it to say that I was actually satisfied by the ending.

Stop staring at me!
The Good- This film is beautiful to look at, is dripping with atmosphere, and does a good job of maintaining unease and a subtle dread throughout. It's a different kind of creepy, mainly brought on by the creepy ass Irish Islanders rather than some totally evil force.

This isn't an Exorcist clone/ripoff/tribute as the poster and synopsis might imply, it's not much like The Bad Seed/The Good Son either... it isn't even conventional horror in some ways; yet the dread remains, and you can't help feeling it for the movie's entire running time. It's more along the lines of bad things that bad people do to each other, with a supernatural twist.

I was hoping for more of an "evil demon possession" type of thing, but I was pleasantly surprised with what I got, none the less.

The Bad- Was the "possessed" swearing and carrying on supposed to be scary? Dorothy's quiet moments were far creepier than her outbreaks, and though they fit with the story, I'd have preferred to see more subtlety. I guess I keep looking for The Exorcist in every "Possession" movie I see, with very few coming close to it's level of execution.

The Downright Horrendous- Did all of the sheep have to go? That was just cruel man.


The Gory- Deer violence, sheep mass murder, baby feeding violence, handgun violence, and a bloody nose.

The Naked- Nope.

Best Line- "Go and see in the church. She let the devil into her house." or "She left us, without a word of her destination."

The lesson here is to avoid small Island communities that call you "outsider."
What did we learn?- "God fearin' backwood folk" are the same everywhere, whether in Ireland or Alabama. Also, never trust the Irish.

Rating- C Dorothy Mills was a very well made film, with solid performances from its actors and atmosphere to spare, the only problem is it's not very scary. This is definitely not an in your face possession movie, nor is it a killer kid flick; rather it's a subtle and nuanced psych job of a horror thriller which is sure to please if you like thinkers. Definitely check it out, but don't expect straight out "Horror."

Final Thoughts- Carice Van Houten is hot.

My Bloody Valentine 3-D (2009)

After 5 days with a dead cable modem, I'm finally all fixed up and able to post our MBV 3D review!


My Bloody Valentine 3-D
Sub-Genre- Slasher

In Attendance- Me, Machine, Chris and Susan.

Cast Members of Note- Genre legend Tom Atkins!, Supernatural's Jensen Ackles, hot little Jamie King, and Kerr Smith.

What's it about?- My Bloody Valentine is basically a movie about a slutty naked chick that runs around naked, waiving a gun around; of course, it's surrounded by all kinds of unnecessary plot elements that detract from said nakedness, but they do manage to keep us guessing!

Harry Warden is a miner who survives a near fatal shaft collapse which kills everyone he knows, driving him to kill everyone in a hospital, and head back to the mine to kill every teen there who has a beer in hand. Three of the partying teens leave a 4th behind to be killed while they escape, but the cops show up and save the day, leaving the poor kid to realize that his friends must really hate him.

The 2nd of 4 massacre's in the movie.
10 years later, Harry Warden returns, as does the kid who left town, and the mayhem begins again. In the highlight of the film, one of the three horrible friends turns out to be a slutty naked chick has some sex, runs around naked with a gun, and doesn't mind not having any clothes on. Sadly though, she dies, naked, and it's up to the rest of the friends to avenge her death!

I won't spoil the ending here, but suffice it to say that once the nudity ends, the killing begins. Good old fashioned pick axe killing!

Kill, Harry, kill.
The Good- First and foremost, the 3-D is the star of the show here; If you can find a theater near you that has the 3-d projectors, definitely see it that way. This is nothing like the 3-D that most people will remember from the 80's, and it totally made the movie more exciting, and the glasses are like sunglasses, not cardboard red/blue framed messes! The Twisted Pictures logo looked insane! Really cool stuff.

This actually happened in the theater I was in. Honest.
MBV 3-D didn't skimp on the blood and nudity either, both of which are staples for any good slasher movie. They also didn't skimp on the Tom Atkins; it was awesome to see him in a genre film again, as the guy is a horror legend, and by all accounts, a really cool guy in general.

The best thing I can say about this movie is that it's an awful lot of fun. It's far from perfect, and I hated the way they handled the sequences towards the end (I can't elaborate without spoiling), but it was a good time that delivered on most levels.


The Bad- Having been a huge fan of the original MBV for the better part of the last three decades, I found the storyline for this one both over worked and lacking in a lot of ways. The original worked so well because it was simple, whereas the redux seemed to play on the "Who is the killer?" thing a bit too much, and delved too deeply, in my opinion, into characters motivations and inner workings. I guess I just think simpler would have been better.

The Downright Horrendous- I kept wearing my 3-D glasses after I left the theater, hoping they would change my life. They didn't.

The Gory- Plenty of pick axe violence too be had here, not to mention a cool hospital massacre set piece and some other goodies... including the heart in a box gag! Loves it.

The Naked- This movie contains what might be the best scene in movie history; a hot, naked, slutty chick, running around with a gun naked, hiding naked, fighting off a killer naked, and getting what she deserves... naked! This went on for a good 2-4 minutes. Maybe longer. (On a fun note, the scene in the trailer with a chick running in her undies... that was digitally manipulated, as she was naked in that scene.)

You make dying hot, baby.
Best Line- "Jason, is that you?"

What did we learn?- Tom Atkins still rules, and should have been a bigger star. Also, naked chicks almost always make a movie better. So does 3-D.

Rating- B Although it's nowhere near as good as the original 80's flick, I liked this one, and loved the awesome use of the 3-D. Although it's far from perfect, this is slasher that gets a lot of things right, and does it's predecessor some justice. Go see it on the big screen in 3-D!

Final Thoughts- Tom fu**in Atkins is in this!

"Thrill me!"

And the First Horror Hottie of 2009 is...

Erica Roby
Horror Filmography:Invasion of the Pod People (2007)Halloween Night (2007)Dracula's Curse (2006)Hillside Cannibals (2006)Exorcism: The Possession of Gail Bowers (2006)
Ok, so Erica Roby has never really been in any good horror movies, though some of them have been half way passable if you like truly B-grade horror... but that isn't the point is it? Look at her! She's extremely hot, and at least she tackles the genre head on and gives it a damn good try... Most of her B movies are at least a sight better than the "Molly Hartley's" of the world.


Mainly she's here because she's hot. Just look at her face. Then look at her boobs, butt and tummy. Then, go get a bunch of tissues and "Watch" one of her movies. Oh yeah.

In addition to her being adorable and good looking, she isn't afraid to go for the lesbian love on screen! I'm not talking about one scene in one movie, I'm talking about scenes in multiple movies!


She's not afraid to get naked either, in multiple movies, which makes her even more awesome. It does make me wonder though if she has a drug debt or is being blackmailed or something, because she really spends a lot of her screen time naked, having sex, or having lesbian sex in pretty much anything she's in. Not that I'm complaining...

In a surprising twist, IMDB has her listed as a story editor on Dr. Drew's Celebrity Rehab show on VH1. Maybe she's more than just a pretty face? She hasn't made a movie since 2007, which makes me sad; the genre needs more gorgeous Hotties that love being naked and doing lesbian scenes... Let's hope she comes back to us soon!

Erica Roby will seriously shoot you, so be nice!

Martyrs DVD art!

Feast your eyes on this DVD cover art goodness. Come February 24th (or sometime in March or April, depending on who you believe) Martyrs will be yours to own, and thankfully in unrated fashion right out of the gate.

This is the DVD I'm dying to get my hands on in 2009.

Wes Craven Presents: They (2002)

I know this review seems pretty harsh, but the movie was just plain bad...


Wes Craven Presents: They
Sub-Genre- Crap/Supernatural

In Attendance- Me, Machine,Chris, Christian, and Teryn.

Cast Members of Note- The awesome Ethan Embry, the waifish Laura Regan, and the hot Dagmara Dominczyk

What's it about?- They is about a bunch of college kids that still have night terrors and wet the bed, despite not being 12 years old anymore. That's really it in a nutshell. The leader of the bed pissers is a scrawny little blond chick with a boy's haircut... and she keeps having "scary" dreams...

"Stop looking like a boy, ok?!? God!"
At night, the Gollum creatures come, although we never truly find out what they are, and they don't do much other than look like Gollum. I kept falling asleep off and on, so I'm not sure what happened, but I think it involved a balloon guy and some sort of "Ultimate sacrifice."


Anywho, that's about it. Yeah.

The Good- I guess it's always good to see Ethan Embry on screen, and he was about the only thing good in this movie... Yep, that's basically it. Ok, and Dagmara Dominczyk
is always nice to look at too, so bonus!

Really, this movie was pretty stagnant, and I don't have much good to say about it.

The Bad- Teryn actually watched this movie pretty intently for a while; then again, she's a baby (only 3 months), and poops herself at random intervals, so can we trust her judgment? I guess I'm saying that this movie made her go poopie.

The Downright Horrendous- When nothing happens in a movie, it makes me wonder why it was even made. They has to be one of the slowest, most uneventful horror films I've ever seen. Honestly, what was the point? From what I understand, the original script got butchered, and was drastically changed by the time they shot the movie, but I don't care... What we got was a snoozefest.

The Gory- Nothing in this movie for the gorehounds, I'm afraid.

The Naked- Who cares. It wouldn't have helped things anyways.

Ok, it might have helped a little!
Best Line- "You hear a baby crying, you hear a kid crying, you keep moving, okay? Children can sen-sense them. It's your warning." or "To eat me."

What did we learn?- A film using the name "Wes Craven" doesn't mean it's going to be good. Also, shadow people look a lot like Gollum.

Rating- Unless you enjoy watching paint dry, skip this one.
















Final Thoughts- This movie was a waste of Ethan Embry's talent.

Hit and Run (2009)

Hit and Run
Sub-Genre- Torture Porn

In Attendance- Me

Cast Members of Note- Laura Breckenridge, and awesome character actor Kevin Corrigan.

What's it about?- A dumb drunk chick leaves a wiiild partaaaaay because she just has to get home for some oddly unknown reason; on the way, we're treated to her giving an in car concert of some crap song as she drives, which is probably why she almost hits a suitcase laying in the middle of the road, and has to swerve a mile into the woods to avoid it. Whew! That was close!

"Dat wus my shootcashe!"
She drives the rest of the 20 miles home without realizing that she's impaled a guy on the front of her Jeep, and when she does finally figure it out, she beats him to death with a golf club. Then she buries him in the woods, because she doesn't want to be grounded. Then, some creepy things begin to happen, she acts increasingly more inept, and we begin to wish that she would have buried herself alive too.

I won't spoil what comes next, as you can probably figure it out if you made it through 5th grade, but I will say that cops have jobs for a reason, and you should maybe call them for help if you get involved in something creepy.

"Call me."
The Good- There are some genuine creepy and tense moments in this movie, which nearly save the inept script and poor direction, but not quite. If you like nail biters you'll love this one, as Laura Breckenridge plays scared pretty well.

Also, some of the gore FX were pretty cool, and even a bit clever.

The Bad- This movie isn't a case of a character making one bad decision after another, which leads to horrible consequences, this is more like a character making ridiculously unrealistic decisions, one after another, that only a person required by law to wear a helmet would make. As the movie wears on, it gets harder to ignore or accept the lack of common sense of the heroine; drive drunk, and sing/dance in the car while you do... wildly swerve to miss hitting a tire in the road and drive into a forest... discover a man impaled on your bumper and do nothing but say "I'm going to help you" over and over... Don't call the cops... beat him to death with a golf club... Don't call the cops... bury him in the woods, sit back as manhunt for missing teacher ensues... tell your boyfriend, who tells you not to call the cops...

It gets worse from there (the wife?!?), but I don't want to delve into spoiler territory. Let's just say that you can't really feel sympathy for the main character because she's just plain ignorant, nor can you feel anything for anyone else in the movie, not even "the victim."

What? Where in the hell did he get a blowtorch and that outfit? Oh who cares...
The Downright Horrendous- What the hell was with some of the camera work in this movie? I think the director was confused as to whether this was a horror flick, or his version of Go, Requiem for a Dream, or Smoking Aces. Lame.

The Gory- A particularly painful leg stabbing scene, ear biting, more stabbing, traffic accident carnage... it basically turns into a torture porn gorefest in the third reel.

The Naked- No, but Laura Breckenridge does spend a lot of time on screen in her undies...

Best Line- "Sqwak! Bloody Mary. Bloody Mary. Bloody Mary!"

What did we learn?- You shouldn't drink and drive, especially if you're a woman. Also, dumb ass young people just need to stop trying to be clever and call the cops.

Rating- C- Another promising movie with an interesting premise and a good amount of tension, hurt by characters being ridiculously stupid for the sake of moving the story along. Check it out if you don't mind bland formula horror with some decent scares, skip it if you do.

Final Thoughts- You know, when the clock in this movie said 3:04, I glanced at mine and it said 3:12. Coincidence? I think not.

Misc. Ramblings...

Were hoping to get everyone back on track this week, now that the holidays and the blizzards seem to be both finally over with for all of us... don't ask.

Here's what's on tap:

Group 1- Next on Tap for Group 1 is Bordello of Blood; how can anyone in their right mind not like Vampire hookers? Or Dennis Miller for that matter... The French shapeshifting fave Brotherhood of the Wolf follows after, and thankfully its only the 142 minute cut. Werewolves and Monica Bellucci naked... I'm in.

Group 2- The remake of The Toolbox Murders and Wes Craven's They are next for Group 2, and I can already feel the pain from just the thought of watching those two back to back. At least we have The Texas Chainsaw movies coming up soon...

Solo- Hit and Run and Midnight Movie are waiting for me when I get some alone time, and I'm definitely curious about both. Can either possibly top Steven Seagal's vampire hunting turn in Against the Dark though?

RCR- Tokyo Gore Police... is there a more perfect movie to do a Running Commentary Review on? Bizarre, gory and fun, I can't wait to do this one...

My Bloody Valentine (1981)... The Unrated Cut!

I thought I'd give a review of the original 1981 classic while I wait to go see the new 3-D remake; especially since the new DVD released last week is a special edition which gives us all the blood and gore that the MPAA made them trim back in the day. Read on!


My Bloody Valentine (1981)
Sub-Genre- Slasher

In Attendance- Me

Cast Members of Note- Lori Hallier, Neil Affleck (Not Ben's dad), Paul Kelman.

What's it about?- Does any group of people drink more than miners do? Bored housewives maybe, but when it comes to partying and rotting livers, miners win hands down. During a Valentines Day party, the miners of Valentine Bluff tie one on and don't even realize that some of their own have been trapped in the mines below them as they party. Cannibalism and insanity ensue. And murder.

"I'm out of my mine!" (Get it? Mine? Heh.)
Harry Warden, the one guy to survive the horrible cave in, goes insane, kills some people, and warns the town to never celebrate the Big V again... Of course that means that he will be ignored, or there could be no movie.

Years later, a bunch of sex crazed Canadian kids are planning a big V-Day bash as an excuse to drink, get laid, and get picked off one by one by an insane miner bent on revenge. Intrigue, romance, 80's hairdo's, bad Canuck accents, and a veritable ton of pick-axe violence ensue.


I won't spoil what happens here, but I will say that it's one of the best endings in horror movie history.

The Good- The only thing I ever disliked about this movie was the lack of blood; every kill scene seemed to cut away and imply what happened more so that show anything... well no more! The new SE DVD gives us all the gore that the film makers originally intended us to see, and it finally makes this the bloody slasher film it always deserved to be:

-The impaling scene before the credits is restored.
-The dryer scene is longer and nastier.
-The bartender getting the axe through the chin and eye is back.
-The face boiling scene has an extra shot.
-The shower scene is longer and more graphic
-The nail gun scene is longer and more disturbing
-The decapitation/hanging is fully restored.
-The arm cut off at the end...

...and a few more scenes which I'm convinced were tinkered with, although I can't be sure until I watch the "cut" version again. What a great movie. Fun, creepy, and now, bloody! MBV totally feels like an 80's movie, but how can you not love it?


The Bad- It's a shame that we've had to wait nearly three decades to get a complete version of this film on DVD. The re-inserted gore scenes that were forcibly cut by the MPAA are great, and finally make the movie seem truly bloody; unfortunately, they old prints that they're taken from are noticeably worn, and look a bit out of place. It's great to finally get to see them in the film, but sad that we had to wait so long... and get them in such rough shape.

The Downright Horrendous- The ending totally set us up for a sequel... so what happened?

Sorry Harry, but no sequel for you.
The Gory- Fresh human hearts, ripped open chest cavities, impalings, multiple acts of pick-axe violence, a beheading, nail gun violence, and the awesome dryer scene. Thank you special edition DVD!

Next time, get a better tattoo. Wait, there won't be a next time...
The Naked- Not one damn boob. I'm disappointed in you 80's slasher movie.

Best Line- "Sarah, be My Bloody Valentine..."

What did we learn?- Insane miner's are pretty good poets. Also, it takes a lot of determination and will to cut off your own arm with a pocket knife.

Aah, poetry!
Rating- A A true genre classic, MBV is one 80's slasher that should be seen and loved by all. It has the classic old school feel to it, some pretty good scares, a creepy atmosphere, some hot 80's style chicks, and finally, a bunch of awesome gore. I'm excited to see the new 3-D version, but this one will always hold a special place in my horror heart. Go pick up the SE DVD now.

Final Thoughts- Too bad this cut dance/karate fight scene couldn't be restored in full; I guess some things are forever lost to time...