Release Date: In Theaters now.
Written by: David Loucka and Jacob Estes.
Directed by: F. Javier Gutierrez.
Starring: Matilda Anna Ingrid Lutz, Johnny Galecki, Vincent D'Onofrio, Aimee Teegarden, and Lizzie Brochere.
With both Rings and Sadako vs. Kayako coming out this year, I had high hopes that at least one of them would be good, and bring back that late 90's-early 00's reign of effective J-Horror, even if it was only briefly.
I haven't seen Sadako vs. Kayako yet, but if its up to Rings to make our hunger for J-Horror grow once again, then it looks like we're going to go hungry for a while longer.
Roseanne is all grown up, and is now a douchey college professor who likes to bang his students. While at the Compton Swap Meet, he finds the VCR belonging to the kid on the plane, and guess what's in it? Yep, it's the tape.
|YEAH THAT'S IT, DICKHEAD. ADJUST THE TRACKING LIKE IT'LL HELP.|
Don't worry. It's not very scary.
Then again, people are still using a VCR to watch the video tape in this one, so maybe she's not quite the vengeful millennial spirit that we think she is.
This movie had some interesting ideas going for it. The whole "bringing Samara into the digital age" angle could have bared some fun fruit had they stuck with it instead of going the "two dumb kids bumble around for answers" route.
At least he movie looked slick.
The cast was decent enough too. It was nice to see Aimee Teegarden in something again, and Vincent D'Onofrio is always a treat, although what he was doing in this movie, and in such a small role, is beyond me. The dude from Big Bang Theory has always annoyed us though, and we've been watching him act since he showed up on Roseanne in the early 90's. He's pretty much the star power in this one, so make of that what you will.
|NOT AS EASY CRAWLING OUT OF AN OLED TV NOW, IS IT?|
On one hand, it's about a d-bag college professor who leads a group of "ringers" who watch the tape and pass it on to other people like it's a game. They even have a super secret clubhouse that looks like something out of Hackers. He does this, apparently, to study the curse, although that doesn't truly make a lot of sense to me, as putting your students lives in danger to understand something so deadly seems pretty irresponsible.
On the other, it's a mystery of Samara's origins that involves a skeevy priest, kidnapping and rape, and a blind dude who warns Julia to "be careful" after noticing a mark on her hand. Most of the movie follows her and Holt as they try to find out who Samara was, why she's haunting everyone, and how to stop her. And why she's been "marked" and gets to see different footage in the tape that no one but her can see. Honestly, what's with her having visions of Samara before even watching the tape?
The problem is that no matter how many plots there are, or how silly or confusing they may be, everything could have been salvaged had they given us plenty of creepy Samara action... which they absolutely did not. When she does show up, which is only a few times, it's really not scary at all.
|THAT LOOK OF SHOCK WHEN SHE REALIZES THAT THEY'RE SHUTTING DOWN THE IMDB MESSAGE BOARDS FOR GOOD.|
Why not let that scene breathe, and give us a full-on Samara attack instead of some quick-cut bullshit that really showed nothing in the end? What a waste of potential.
|AT LEAST WE GOT TO SEE LAURA WIGGINS FOR A MINUTE OR TWO.|
|THE BLOODIEST SCENE IN THE MOVIE.|
|"PUT THEM ON THE GLASS" DOES NOT MEAN YOUR HANDS!|
This is more of a mystery than it is any sort of Horror flick. Watch accordingly.
Rings is in theaters now.
Matilda, Aimee, and Laura.