VOD Review: Bad Kids of Crestview Academy (2017)

"Something was lost in translation between comic book and movie."

Did you know that there was a movie in 2012 called Bad Kids Go to Hell? If your answer is no, don't feel bad, because it was a pretty obscure movie that was based on a pretty obscure graphic novel, so unless you had read that, you probably didn't even know the movie existed.

It was decent-enough. We didn't review it, but it was a passable watch that had Augie Duke playing an evil little bad girl. It's streaming for free on Amazon Prime if you want to check it out HERE.

Did you know that Bad Kids to Crestview Academy is a sequel to Bad Kids Go to Hell? Because it is. It's not as "edgy" as the first movie was, in that the kids in the first movie felt way more bad than they do here, but hey, it's a sequel, what do you expect?

After her big sister commits "suicide", sexy little Siouxsie infiltrates the uppercrust world of rich kid detention at the prestigious Crestview Academy to get some answers. She just knows that her sister didn't kill herself, and that somehow, one of the other kids in detention had something to do with her death. She just needs proof.

I'D GIVE HER SOME ANSWERS.

Locked in the school with a bunch of over-privileged assholes, Siouxsie has a plan to hack into their personal info or something to unlock the truth behind her sister's death. Did the gay drug dealer who is clearly a power-bottom have something to do with it? Was it the slutty preacher's daughter, or maybe the hot, half-Asian chick who loves Internet cat videos? Or was it the asshole son of a senator, who just so happens to be the brother of the blonde chick who died in the first movie?

Don't ask us. the movie wasn't very long on plot.

THEY FINALLY ARRIVE AT MORDOR...

To complicate matters, someone begins killing everyone in the building off one by one, which turns things from a whodunit, into a who's doing it. The evil senator, the creepy janitor, the government roaches... what in the hell is even going on in this movie?

THE ANSWERS ARE NOT BEHIND THAT DOOR.

The world of Crestview Academy is populated with the kinds of obnoxious characters that grate on the nerves; offers a school staff who have no clue how to properly watch after their students; and is made up of a a convoluted plot that never seems to make much sense. There's also bad dialogue; random animated sequences that felt out of place; and a bunch of twisty flashbacks that slow the movie down, rather than adding a layer of coolness to the proceedings like I imagine they were meant to do.

The big problem with this movie is that it's a jumbled mess of underwhelming story and inconsistent visuals that never amounts to much other than being a faithful homage to the graphic novel, which maybe was the point? I mean, what was the point of the whole mascot subplot?

That said, there was something oddly enjoyable about this movie.

Sammi Hanratty is adorable and competent in her role, and Erika Daly won our hearts with her odd little dance number. There's also some good gore to be had here, some slick visuals, and the small roles that Gina Gershon and Sean Astin occupied stole the show.

SHE CAN'T DANCE, BUT SHE'S A QT.

This movie offers up some decent kill scenes, involving, but not limited to: a scalping, some drill violence, and some poorly-rendered CGI flamethrower action.

WELL, THAT SHIRT'S RUINED...

Turns out that the bad girls of Crestview Academy aren't that bad at all, as they all remained clothed. They looked good in their schoolgirl outfits though.

NOT BAD ENOUGH, I SAY!

Bad Kids of Crestview Academy is not a good movie, and in fact, it's a bad one in many ways... and yet there's something fun about it that makes it a decent watch if you're in a campy, oddball sort of mood. It didn't work for us as a whole, but we enjoyed bits and pieces of it, so we can't totally call it a swing and a miss.

If you liked the first movie, or the graphic novels which inspired both films, then you'll probably dig this one too. Just know that it has issues.

C-/D+ , we can't decide which.

Bad Kids of Crestview Academy is available now on VOD.

Crestview's finest.