Jesus Franco's Bloody Moon (1981)

I've personally never been the biggest fan of Exploitation movies, which makes no sense because I have no moral compass whatsoever. Nudity, sex, violence, gore, or any kind of depravity is usually alright with me, so why have I not been drawn to Nunsploitation or Women in Prison flicks?

With this in mind, I finally broke down the other day and decided to watch a Jess Franco flick. For those that don't know Tio Jess, he's pretty much the most prolific Exploitation filmmaker of ever. He's done everything from horror to porn. He's made films about naughty nuns, naughty Nazis, lesbian vampires, women in prison, cannibals... he's really done it all. The one theme running through his flicks is definitely perversion. Aside from people who suck, who doesn't like perversion, right?

So I went to one of my creepy friends and borrowed a copy of one of his horror flicks, Bloody Moon, and dug in. The movie itself is like most European Horror flicks of the 70's and 80's; cheesy, poorly acted, gory, full of excessive perversion and dubbed horribly... and what a fun time it all was!

This review will be done with pictures, as it seems to be the most appropriate method for us to discuss this flick, mainly because flicks like these tend to have some great visuals that end up telling a way better story than do their awful plots.

Sure, just slowly walk over to the door and let the shadow in.

Incest is breast!

So, getting stabbed in the chest causes nosebleeds and mouth injuries?

That knife is through her nipple.

This chick just kinda hangs around all movie.... or... will she ever come out of the closet?

"Ooo, oooo, oooooooo!"

The infamous saw scene which made this one a "video nasty" back in the 80's.

Why does Goldie Hawn have a knife?

The hottest chick in the movie, about to die...

This scene must have been cut out originally, because the video quality was poor and off... also a part of the "video nasty" business, I suppose.

What?

What?!?

Oh, another crazy, nonsensical ending to an Italian Horror flick.. who saw that one coming? (I did.)

As you can see, this movie is chalk full of craziness; rapey Spanish guys stalking hot chicks, nipple piercings, beheadings, incest, Goldie Hawn, deformed brothers coming back to life, dead old women, overacting and lots of melodrama... they even killed a real snake on screen! Poor snake!

We have saved one sequence, the best one of the film, for last. It involves the infamous saw scene, and a little Italian boy whom we have nicknamed. Lil' G... The G could be for Gustaf or Gerhardt, since this is a German flick, but then again it's set in Spain, so maybe the G stands for Giancarlo or something?

So, Lil' G sees the killer take some random whore to a deserted building, and decides to investigate.

Realizing that the girl is about of be cut in half by a massive saw, he decides to try and save her...

He stops the saw, and when confronted by the killer, Lil' G kicks him in the ankle! Good for you kid!

Then he runs for his life, down the center of the road... because why run where the car can't follow you? 

Lil' G, brave ankle kicker, quickly discovers he can't out run a car...

... and, dirt nap.

B+ It goes without saying that Bloody Moon is a wreck of a film plot and dialogue wise, but a true gem if you like hot sluts, gore, and laughing a lot. Jess Franco was truly a master of visual perversion, and he gives us a good dose of it here. Check this one out and have some nasty fun with it.

Jess Franco's long time partner and muse, Lina Romay, died on 2/15/2012 at the age of 57. Lina was one of the most beloved actresses in Cult, Horror, and Erotic Cinema, and we were sad to hear of her passing. Fuck you, cancer.

Thanks for everything, Lina, and rest in peace.

R.I.P. Princessa.